Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

I'm a carnivore but a restaurant that's all vegan or veggie is likely to have put more thought into the food than anything with a token chickpea curry option.

Some of the nicest food I've had has been at veggie restaurants.

OP your family are unhinged!

Can't understand people who don't want to go to a vegan restaurant (well actually I would if everything was fake vegan fish, fake vegan black pudding etc).

What's wrong with pasta with tomatoes, capers, chilli, garlic. or Thai green cuury with veg (maybe with tofu). lentil dahl with coconut. Lentil and veg ' shepherd's' pie? What's wrong with a wonderful chocolate pudding or a carrot cake?

I find that generally a totally vegan restaurant is inventive and clever in how it uses ingredients, how it creates taste and balance, depth and flavour, 'meatiness' through mushrooms etc. Whereas an 'ordinary' restaurant can be unimaginative with 1 or 2 vegan options standard and from the freezer.

@HideTheDog Go with your choice and love it!

If they agree to come I would say clearly ‘thank you for confirming. Having accepted I hope everyone will enjoy the meal with a positive attitude and not complain / make comments”

They invited themselves and they can come or not. It’s YOUR birthday, hold firm!
Also I am a full omnivore, would never order anything vegan in a normal restaurant, and think 99% vegan options are disgusting. But whenever I have been to a vegan restaurant, I’ve had an interesting and delicious meal. They need to open their minds!

At the end of the day they invited themselves! The op should be able to choose the restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday.

Jesus Christ - it’s your birthday - you get to pick! If they want to celebrate with you then they can have one single meal without meat/ dairy with a smile on their face or they don’t come. The fact they invited themselves and then tried to change the plans is terrible.
you enjoy your birthday with your lovely family of 4 OP - your son sounds ace sticking up for you!

Is the person who is kicking up a fuss the one person who always kicks up a fuss about other peoples events that are not to their taste? Have one in our family and she now gets told "Oh no, you wont like it" if she tries to invite herself. Oddly enough her fomo means that she is now trying to insist that she will "give it a try".

Her crap worked with my ma and pa's generation as she had my grandmother backing her up so they would all fold to her demands, but the second gen, me and my cousins, dont stand for that crap so Aunt Itsallaboutme doesnt attend any of our events now! Apparently she is fuming about not being invited (and so are her kids). Ah well......

100% this.

I’ve eaten a couple of vegan items and they were horrible . I enjoy vegetarian food but vegan is a step too far

It's your birthday and your choice. They are being so cheeky wanting to change it! Ignore them. They don't have to come but eating vegan food won't kill them. They might even learn something.

You just didn't eat good vegan food. That doesn't mean all vegan food is bad. Quite a lot of the 'normal' food you eat is actually vegan anyway.

I'm not remotely a vegan and would not consider being a vegetarian but No, just absolutely no. They have tacked on to your birthday meal out and now want to dictate ... no way. You go to where you originally planned and if they want to come, great. If not, you'll enjoy yourselves just fine.

Frankly, if you can't think about your own needs on the birthday meal out that you have organised and they've tagged along to .... it's laughable when you think about it. Just crack on with your night on, you're handling this perfectly. Although I might be tempted to point out that you're having to amend your booking because of them and you don't appreciate it but depends how far you want to take it!

Chips? Beans? Baked potato? Salad? Fruit? Crisps? Peanut butter? Pasta sauce? Pasta? Rice? Roasted veg?

I can't imagine having only eaten two of these and not liked them.

Absolutely perfectly within your rights to think this and I agree, I'm not a big fan of vegan food but this is the OP's birthday bash and this time she gets to decide, not these other meat eating folk or you or me.

I went out for lunch with a vegan friend to a restaurant that served meat but had a great reputation for their vegan food. I ordered my meat dish and it was lovely, but I was so envious of my friend's vegan platter - it was amazing! Next time we go there I'm definitely ordering it!

Well my DCs are vegetarian and I’d happily go to a vegetarian restaurant with them if they chose it but if my parents announced they were able to join us we would have to alter the restaurant because they do not eat that sort of food, they eat meat and veg sort of stuff. Yes annoying but you can’t change their diet now

I take your point. I’m veggie and I really don’t like a lot of vegan options in most regular pubs and restaurants. I hate the fake meats and cheeses. But a totally vegan restaurant is in a different league and really worth trying. I recently went to a vegan restaurant with some non vegan friends and we all loved it. Some of us have been back again since then.

OMG They are so so rude!!!

how dare they invite themselves along and then try to change it!!!

stick to your guns OP. Your birthday your choice. I agree with your son - just uninvite (well I know YOU didn’t invite them) them for being so rude and hurtful.

And have a great birthday!!! 🎉

@HideTheDog I think you should really take your son's advice on this one. Well done raising a smart kid who stands up for his mum.

Then they just don’t get to come!!!

you don’t HAVE to change it.

if it was the dcs choice, you can’t just override it because a meat eater refuses to eat non meat!

im not veggie or vegan - but if any of my friends or family chose a vegan place then of course I wouldn’t make them change it.

Exactly. I’m so angry on the OPs behalf.

You are not being unreasonable, it’s your choice and they invited themselves. They are being ridiculous. If it was a group decision about something at the start then they could have a say, but they are tagging along to something you chose and booked already, for your own birthday.

Don't invite them for your dc birthday then. If your parents can't stand eating one vegetarian meal for their dc birthday they are selfish and weird.

These threads always surprise me. I admit I think it’s pretty backwards and rigid to be unable to eat one meal in a vegan restaurant, unless there are medical reasons.

So much Indian food is vegan, for example. You could have a delicious meal without meat there (if you can handle spice ofc)!