Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

Damn right

"There appears to be some misundstanding. I booked a meal for my birthday at my choice of restaurant for my family, others asked to join us. This is not a general get together where the choice of restaurant is a group decision. I booked this meal weeks ago and that booking will stand. I need the final numbers for attendees by X date."

100% agree with this!

Yep - except for the pp with the allergies, a vegan meal isn’t going to kill you.

have you let them know they are uninvited to the meal they weren’t invited to?

I am really impressed with the way you handled that.

Oh bless you.
Personally I would not chose a vegan meal because I love meat!
But if you invited me I would happily attend - it would be a great treat and a new experience.
Stick to your guns my love and I hope you have a wonderful birthday!
Gaynor xx😘

Thanks everyone. It’s nice to see that the majority of people don’t think I’m the unreasonable one.

I’ve sent a message to say I won’t be joining the WhatsApp group as there is nothing to discuss and to let me know by tomorrow if they’re coming to my chosen restaurant or not so I can confirm the correct numbers with the restaurant.

Hope there’s no more nonsense!!

Let them get on with whipping themselves up into a frenzy in their WhatsApp group, completely ignore it and go as you originally planned.
Its almost unbelievable that people like this exist but I know they do as a family member led a family boycott at my birthday meal because she’s very strange around what food she eats (only certain beige foods or burgers) and because she’s the matriarch they all followed suit, ruining my birthday and the relationship I had with her.
At least you’ve got your original group and will have a lovely time without the weirdos.

They wanted to come and now want you to change the venue . No .

I think I'd probably tell them all to fuck off 🙄 is it your family or your husband's? If it's his, let him deal with them. If it's yours, tell them to take a hike! Enjoy your birthday dinner 💐

They are uninvited unwanted guests so I agree. I would say you are feeling a bit upset about them trying to change the venue and that it’s now just your family going as planned

Perfect! I hope you can all laugh off their silliness and have an excellent time

Good for you op! The 2% who said you were being unreasonable are obviously rage baiting / your family.

Probably worried that they will morph into vegetables, little realising that they are already cabbages!

A meal,in a proper vegan restaurant, is a revelation. I think a lot of people think all vegan meals are going to be heavy on the lentils and low on the flavours, but they couldn’t be more wrong.

Super cheeky to ask to attend your birthday meal knowing fine rightly where it is then demanding a change.
Sibling by any chance?

it's your birthday and YOU eat where you want

when it is THEIR birthday they can eat where they want

Don't engage in any discussion
now about it
You've stated the position that is it
well done for not budging.
they are cheeky and behaving selfishly
Do not give in.
The only exception in a situation like this i would say maybe if someone had an allergy a legitimate reason.

Well, I guess then there's an argument that it's nice to catch up and if there is a group, it is nice to cater for everyone's preferences, and most restaurants have vegan options. If it wasn't your birthday, and we were family, I'd maybe ask if we could go somewhere else.

But when it's your birthday, your preferences becomes the most important preference. That's what distinguishes a birthday.

Your birthday, your choice, and people can live without meat for one meal.

I am not vegan (nor a red meat-eater) but I'd find something on the menu I could eat. Vegetable soup is usually a good option.

I'm in the 98% who agree with you, OP.

By the way, having learned the term "Wendied" on here, I've sometimes wondered if there's a similar term for people who find their plans taken over by people who weren't originally invited.

E.g. you want to see the film, Oppenheimer at the cinema, so you ask two friends if they're interested in coming with you. They are, so you agree to go on Thursday night and have a meal at an Indian restaurant afterwards.

Then other people are invited or invite themselves and before you know it, you're informed that the plans have changed and you're all going to watch The Barbie Movie followed by "a cheeky Nandos".

It's particularly rude to change someone else's birthday outing, though. Stand firm!

Your birthday your choice.

Yeah you don't want your birthday meal ruined so i wouldn't have them there if you think they are going to do that.

If they have invited themselves tell them you don't want them there.

The whole point is to celebrate your birthday with you. That is the occasion, to share that with you.
If they are going to focus on the food like that instead of realising why they are there don't have them there.

Of course you are not being unreasonable

They are being VERY unreasonable

something tells me they are not the sort of people who'd listen to anyone apart from themselves

Bloody CFs. I hope you have a wonderful birthday OP ☺️

Or "I'm sorry you're so narrow minded and lacking in imagination that you can't even begin to understand what a vegan restaurant might be like, but that's your loss"

I have no patience whatsoever with nonsense about "ooh I won't eat vegetarian or vegan"