Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

I was about to say exactly the same thing. One of the best meals I’ve ever had!

Do you really not understand that a dedicated vegan restaurant will have a choice of imaginative and creative dishes full of flavour with various textures, unlike the bland, unimaginative single offering at a non vegan restaurant?

How do you get through life with such narrow minded attitudes?

I think some people fail to grasp just how awful it is for a vegan ( or any one wanting 100 % plant based food) in many non vegan restaurants often facing a single option which is often unbelievably unimaginative and lazy, such pasta with tomato sauce with a spring of basil, a grey stodgy mushroom risotto, or worst, a cauliflower 'steak' which is just a slice of cauliflower primarily composed of the stalk part, and which is normally thrown in the bin. Desserts choices are often lacking in inspiration as well.

I couldn't agree more @Seajaye and I say this as a food loving omnivore.

God yes! Save us from the cauliflower steak that costs nearly as much as an expensive meat meal.

That's the thing about pubs/ restaurants etc Something becomes the new vegetarian/vegan dish and then it's the only thing on offer. Pasta (yawn). Then mushroom risotto. Then more recently an exciting dalliance into the world of butternut squash risotto. As the ONLY option everywhere you go.

This is why I like going to Indian/Chinese/Thai/Ethiopian etc where there is a strong vegetarian culture and you can easily ask for adaptations (no fish sauce or ghee) etc.

Have a fab birthday OP 🎉🎉 It’s astonishing how entitled some people are.

They elbowed in, then want to change the pre booked venue.
Tell me they haven’ always been entitled, or dominant ?!

Wow. They sound awful!!!! Cannot believe anyone has had the nerve to tell you that you’re inflexible for an event on YOUR birthday that you had already booked!!!!

I agree with your son!

I would be inclined to go on the group and say that as they are being so very rude, the evening is cancelled and you will be doing something of your own choice with the original invitees rather than the people who invite themselves to your birthday event and then insult you. Leave their sad little WhatsApp group.…..then I would call and lower the numbers at the restaurant to the original ones you wanted to have with you and go anyway😂

(maybe slightly change the time in case the strange lot try to turn up??)

Good luck. They sound crazy!! Well done e for sticking to your guns. The absolute cheek of some people 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Perfect

Imagine declining a birthday celebration because you have to eat vegetables only just once? I'd bin off that 'friend' immediately.

And saying OP is inflexible while refusing to eat once in their chosen venue! The irony / hypocrisy.

Vegan food has drastically changed over the years and in a specifically vegan restaurant, where it isn't a hastily-added menu option, but their bread and butter (ahem) - the food is likely to be amazing. I have no problem eating vegan food.

I understand exactly. It would not be my choice. I would not expect as OP asked, the venue to be changed to suit me as a non vegan. I voted OP was not being unreasonable. The people who invited themselves along knowing it was a vegan restaurant and the threw their dummies out the pram are the ones who are unreasonable. I am gluten free. If I found a gluten free restaurant, booked for 4 then others started moaning, I would do the same as OP. I hope you have a lovely meal and birthday OP

But a vegetarian menu isn't restricting your choices or your diet. You don't eat a meal that contains every type of animal and it's by product. You choose a meal that has certain ingredients in it. A vegetarian restaurant is exactly the same. You pick a meal with ingredients in it you like. Just none of them are dead animals. Is there really nothing else you eat? Just surf and turf and don't bother with any of those potatoes or vegetables??

You wouldn't want to pay for a meal unless it contained some for of animal or it's products, or you wouldn't want to financially support the people who'd run a vegan restaurant?

Vegan items? Like fruit and vegetables?
Or those some of those weird and outlandish things like bread, crisps, peanut butter, jam, tinned baked beans, chips, onion rings, tomato sauce, fizzy pop…? 😱

I’d be letting them know they’ve been removed from the booking.

I’m a meat eater. Heck, we raise our own animals for meat. I’d be thrilled with a vegan restaurant if someone recommended it and organised it for us. It’s not my bloody birthday (actually I wouldn’t really be upset if it was). I catered an entire vegan meal for 14 because we have some family members who are vegan and we wanted them to feel comfortable eating everything at our home. I chose a cafe that has great GF cakes and scones when we met family and one of them is GF.

Because, of course, you would if you care about your family and you aren’t a selfish jerk.

I wouldn’t want to spend my birthday meal listening to them complain about the food I was so looking forward to. If they want to take you out another time, let them do that. But go back to the original booking.

Well none of the uninvited are interested in respecting the birthday woman's eating choices are they? There will be very little on the menu they can't eat at a vegan restaurant. It isn't the 7th ring of hell,, it's one meal without dead animal or animal products

Wow, you’re special aren’t you!

The vegan options in a restaurant that primarily caters for meat eaters (I eat meat, DH is Veggie and DS is Vegan), always suck and are the equivalent of a meat eater going to a Michelin star restaurant and being presented with a McDonalds HappyMeal bag and expected to be grateful.

Feck that! 🤣🤣

If they invited themselves, it's stunningly ride to then want you to change the venue that you've chosen and already booked.

I think your son is right. Tell them that the four of you are going for dinner, and that as they clearly don't want to go there, that you are changing the reservation back to being for the four of you.
You can then either offer for them to join you at home afterwards for cake etc, or have another meal together later on.

Cheeky feckers! Absolutely stand your ground, it's your birthday!

They probably eat vegan food all the time without realising it... tell them if they make an effort to try something new they might be pleasantly surprised - but if they're not willing to be open minded then tell them not to come, you don't need negativity like that. A WhatsApp group... jaysus 😂

Out of interest, what's the restaurant?

The vegan aspect is neither here nor there.

Your birthday.
Your restaurant choice.
Your booking.

Anyone who wants to join you adds themselves into your plans for your celebration.

This would be my position.

‘Dear family, the four of us are going to a vegan restaurant for my birthday because this is what we want to do, what I want to do as it is MY birthday. Anyone wishing to arrange an alternative extended family gathering elsewhere at any time is free to do so, but my birthday meal will remain at the venue we have chosen and just be the four of us now.’

The whatsapp group smacks of serious control issues and/or bullying by whoever set it up.

😂 They’ve tagged along, want to change your plans, you’ve said no, and YOU’RE the unreasonable one?!!

Nope. Definitely not. Had it been a group decision then they would have had a say in the restaurant but they are joining you at your destination of choice. They can like it or lump it.

The type of restaurant is irrelevant.

If you invite yourself to pre organised gathering, you go with the hosts plan for it. It’s not your call to rearrange stuff.

Good for you!
Hope you have a lovely meal and a great birthday

Stick to your guns, it's your birthday and you get to choose the restaurant

My response would be

"You weren't invited to my birthday meal as I knew you would not be happy with my choice of restaurant. Feel free to book whatever venue you wish for your birthday, but I will not be changing mine. I have amended the booking to just me and my DH and DC and will now be leaving this whatsapp chat."