Family unhappy to go to a vegan restaurant for my birthday

[HideTheDog]

It’s my birthday soon and I chose a vegan restaurant to eat at. It was only for me, my husband and children and they were all happy with the restaurant. It was booked weeks ago for 4.

Last weekend some of our family asked if they can join us for the meal so I asked for who wanted to come and increased the number of people on the booking. They knew it was a vegan restaurant.

Today I got a message from one of them to say that now there are more people and some don’t want to eat at a vegan restaurant, they think we should eat at another restaurant which serves non vegan food as well. I messaged back to say no and that I chose it because I like it and if anyone doesn’t want to come then to let me know so I can amend the booking again.

This person has obviously told the others and I’ve been invited into a WhatsApp group chat to discuss what we should do. 🤨 I’ve ignored joining their group chat and just sent another message saying it’s for my birthday and I picked the restaurant that suited the ones going originally, I won’t be changing the restaurant and if they want to go somewhere else they can. I’ve said I’m happy to go to another restaurant with them another time.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs. Is it really inflexible to want to go to a restaurant I choose on my birthday that was originally chosen and booked weeks ago for just the 4 of us? I don’t mind them coming, but I feel that they’ve tagged along and now want to change it to suit them.

Good for you. I genuinely can't believe they would do that and I wonder what other bad behaviour they get up to as that's off the charts - unless there's added context or something.

It’s your birthday, it’s an invitation not a summons - and it is a reverse invitation too as the CFers already asked to join an existing plan (that may not be the CK’ery part) but then want to change the plans already made to suit themselves (definite CFery).

Tell them you’re happy to go to their choice on another occasion but as this is YOUR choice to celebrate YOUR birthday that they have invited themselves to join (more than welcome of course), you won’t be changing the plans for YOUR celebrations on this occasion.

It's nice to see someone with a backbone on MN. Just stick to your guns. I would, in addition, laugh incredulously at their requests. They probably want you to pay for it, too.

I hope it wasn’t real honey - that’s not vegan

Honey?

Im a meat eater but honestly I would take it as a fun night to try something new

They are so rude! You can’t invite yourself knowing where you’re going to and then want to change the restaurant!
You’ve got more patience than me, I’d uninvite the lot.

Please do update us as to how many people agree to come to your original booking and how many do not. And let us know how the evening goes and how they like the food. This thread has really taken on legs so lots of people will be hoping you come back.

I’ve been told I’m inflexible and only thinking of my own needs.

Wow. Unbelievable. I must say, you seem to have unbelievably rude and entitled relatives, gatecrashing your booking, starting WA groups to overrule you and then insisting you change your plans altogether, on your birthday.

That frequently seems to be the way with vegan threads on mumsnet, doesn't it? Unbelievable levels of entitlement and lack of cooperation from everyone they ever need to eat with or around. It's a common theme.

Definitely not being unreasonable. For goodness sake, why can't they eat one meal without meat?? I am a meat eater and love meat, but I do cook veggie/vegan food several times a week and wouldn't bat an eyelid at going to a vegan restaurant.

If we remove the vegan bit and the story was just extra tag alongs wanting to change the restaurant because Fred doesn't like spicy food or Annie doesn't like pizza, it would be unanimous that they are being unreasonable. I honestly don't get why people freak out about not having meat on the menu for one meal. I were asked to be vegan for a whole week, I would not want to do this, but one meal... They need to get a grip

I agree with your son. They’ve spoiled it now by fussing about the restaurant. Tell them you’re going back to plan A: just the four of you, and that they can celebrate with you another time. Very rude and selfish them. Must be much easier for non-vegans to enjoy a vegan restaurant than it is for vegans to find acceptable food in a non-vegan one. Some people are weirdly narrow minded about vegan and vegetarian food - it’s just plants. What’s not to like?

Good on you! You could point out how narrow-minded they are.

Also next time they book at a non-vegan restaurant, start whining and hassling them to change it to a vegan one to see how they like it?! CFs. I'm assuming they have form for this kind of thing?

Listen to your son. I bet he's right on.

Same. I still talk about one I had years later.

Everyone. Who. Was. Invited. Happily. Agreed. To. The. Specific. Restaurant. In. Advance.

But of course you knew that 😋🍔🌭🍗🍤 ⭐

OP hasn't even specified that she's vegan! Maybe she just really loves the restaurant's signature dish.

I was out for lunch yesterday and the single vegan option on the menu was mushroom arancini. That came under the 'nibbles' section of the menu. So I ordered two plates of those. Most vegans have limited damned dull offerings at 'normal' restaurants, and most just put up with it. The vegetarian main option was the ubiquitous spinach and ricotta tortellini. Christ how dull. And this was a 'foodie' gastropub. I'm not vegetarian anymore, but I used to really resent paying £16 or more for some store bought tortellini. Yet sucked it up for the sake of being present yet again at a meal where everyne says 'look it has veg/vegan options'.

I think the OP, on her birthday, has the right to choose a restaurant she wishes to choose. Anyone would have that right for their own birthdays- vegan or not.

1. it is for the OP's birthday so she gets to choose
2. The people kicking up a fuss weren't invited
3. The choice of vegan dishes in non vegan restaurants is usually very poor

Did you miss these points?

The weirdest thing is narrow minded people who can't bear to have a single meal without animal products

YANBU I'd univite the lot of them to be frank.

I feel your pain

I was veggie for years but my family would only consider eating meat with veg that had been boiled for decades. So we were always in some dodgy back street pub with a chirpy “what are you complaining about? They do fish and chips?”. The compromise only ever went one way.

I was once grudgingly allowed to choose somewhere for my birthday and got very excited about a local bistro that had rattan chairs and quiche. I was giddy with anticipation about the whole thing. Jeez, the emotional blackmail that ensued “I’m just thinking about what everyone else will eat” and “those chairs don’t look very stable. What if your grandmother falls out and breaks a hip or it collapses under her”. On and on with the emotional blackmail until I cracked and we were back in the fetid embrace of the Armpit and Rat with its stewed cabbage.

Tell them all to jog on

Good for you. You will have a lovely choice of multiple imaginative well-balanced plant based options and some desserts to choice from.

I think some people fail to grasp just how awful it is for a vegan ( or any one wanting 100 % plant based food) in many non vegan restaurants often facing a single option which is often unbelievably unimaginative and lazy, such pasta with tomato sauce with a spring of basil, a grey stodgy mushroom risotto, or worst, a cauliflower 'steak' which is just a slice of cauliflower primarily composed of the stalk part, and which is normally thrown in the bin. Desserts choices are often lacking in inspiration as well.

I hope you have a lovely time. Your wider family are actually being rather rude and incredibly thoughtless about your preferences for your birthday meal.

Mad!
You can chose any restaurant you like. It’s a treat for a vegan to have a whole menu to choose from.
Also- what are they moaning for anyway- vegan food is just food- they will be able to order anything on that menu!

So, you never eat any kind of vegetables, fruit, nuts, pasta, couscous, potatoes, polenta, breads, rice - ever?

Are you a cat?

I would not want to pay to eat at a vegan restaurant. I would not invite myself along in the first place

Fair enough. That's your choice but OP naturally wants to spend her birthday at her choice.