Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

He made plans for dinner for him and the DC without including her or considering her needs or feelings or informing her. He sounds like a complete twat.

Doesn't matter who was right or wrong calling you the c word is unforgivable

i would let them have their time together alone unless SHE objects
it's not for him to decide that

he sounds like he is pressuring you don't give in to that
if she wants you there then that would be different

This is the important bit, he could have done dinner for DD and still eaten later with DP unless it was a special day like a birthday.

Now we know he CAN cook, he can be doing that on weekends, you can do whatever you like OP being that SD is not your kid. You are not put on earth to be his make things easier person. If I was you I would break up with him, there is nothing good for you here. x

Do you really begrudge him cooking a meal and eating it with his child?
And your opinion on that is that he didn't consider you?
He shouldn't have used the language he did, but you sound a bit jealous of his child getting his attention.

I know you said that you love spending time with SD but I’m getting a bit of an undercurrent. First you mentioned wanting to be with her dad which was ok , then wandering round the shops on your own then the sleepover then the Carbonara . Maybe you are a bit irritated by the situation at the moment and husband has picked up on this . However calling you names is totally unacceptable. You need to have a sit down and talk to him . It must be annoying for you always having his child every weekend

yeah maybe this is about how he treats you
"he never cooks at all"

Yes that is ridiculous.

If someone wants to eat, then they should be free to eat.

It does not affect the other person in any negative way.
If you’re unable to eat something different at a different time than your partner then you’ve got issues.

Poor OP is now going to go hungry because apparently she’s got to ask DP for permission of what to eat and when.

Oh my...are you married to this loser?? Even worse 🙄

YANBU. If he’s cooking the main meal, he should cook for everyone. He could make something you eat.

Can you imagine if you cooked for yourself and not them the responses you would get?

I called my other half a cunt last night when he wouldn't stop snoring.

You're just really bad at playing the Devil's advocate. Don't give up the day job!

If there was 'a plan to eat together later' then he should have communicated he'd changed the plan. If he didn't and called you a selfish cunt then you need to consider whether your relationship is sustainable. His daughter, rightly, comes first but his communication skills are ridiculous.

He wasn’t cooking the main meal.

He was cooking for his DD as she eats much earlier and he decided to eat some too.

😆 at getting dumped and leaving him because he called you a CUNT
Myself and my husband always call eachother cunts . He can be a cunt tho so its a well deserved name for him , my husband not yours

It’s not about permission, it’s about courtesy. Just like if I’m going out on the lash with my mates on a Saturday night, I’ll let my husband know. I’m not asking his permission, I’m just keeping him abreast of plans. Especially so if those plans are a deviation from the norm which me going out on a Saturday night would be, or in the case of OP, a change in what normally happens for dinner. It’s called communicating.

I’m not playing devils advocate…

Most people who aren’t co-dependent, controlling or in a controlling relationship are allowed to eat what they want, when they want.

You’re literally saying that all the women on here shouldn’t eat until they ask permission from their DH first - that’s not normal.

Good for you, does he do it in front of a child that's his not yours? Does he never cook otherwise? Does he make being a weekend dad his shitty personality? If not then its really cool for you but in no way relevant.

No I am not, that's ridiculous, lol. Perhaps that's where you're going wrong, you're making shit up? Explains a lot.

Exactly. Like anyone would think this scenario was acceptable if the child was their own.

Are you on crack? Not one person has said this.

It is the main meal, because it’s their dinner.

If OP had cooked her dinner at that time you would absolutely expect her to cook for her DSD and DP too.

Controlling like getting stroppy if OP doesn't want to clean up and cook all the time, sheep around shops because he's incapable? Sleepover on the floor because she will feel rejected? Called a cunt for being sarcastic after another weekend of shite? That type of controlling?

Going out on a Saturday night and eating some food is completely different though.

And why was there a change in OPs dinner plans?
She could still eat at the same time as planned and he may or may not have eaten too.

It doesn’t affect her in any way.

She couldn’t have eaten what DSD was having and he offered to cook her something separately but she said no that she wasn’t hungry.

What else was he supposed to do?
Apart from not being allowed to eat until the time OP wants him to?