Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

So it would be okay if he was resident parent but not when he only has her at the weekends?
What a load of Tosh.

It’s a plate of food!

He was cooking for his DD and fancied some for himself - so he ate some.

He doesn’t need to ask permission to eat food FFS.

Do you seriously have to talk to your DH before eating anything in your own home?

He was being unreasonable to not discuss the dinner plans with you (though I can imagine it was a spontaneous decision when he started cooking for his DD). Your sarcasm wasn't the best response. Him calling you a selfish cunt was very unreasonable.

Not what you asked OP, but I personally think it's sad when families don't share a meal together. Why don't you all eat the same meal together a little later? My eldest is 5 and we all eat dinner together sometime around half 6 / 7pm and then do bath and bedtime. We all eat the same meal (or a variation of it) so we only have to cook/wash up once and it's all done before the kids bedtime, and then you get the whole evening to enjoy! We used to eat later before the kids came along, but we've got used to eating earlier now and it feels like there's more down time of an evening now.

Stop the whataboutary. It rarely happens that single weekend mums treat their partners like this, but men....all the bloody time.

You’re being completely ridiculous!

So before he starts cooking he’s got to run it past OP and apologise to her??

In normal households, grown adults are free to eat whenever they want and they don’t need to ask permission before they start cooking anything.

why didn't you just say

yes please i'll have some too thanks when he said they are having that
or when he said i'll cook you something

yes, please cook me something
i'm hungry too
?

No-one would call me a cunt . Time to say goodbye.

Thank you! Social buffers and chief cleaner that gets guilt tripped and called a cunt....absolute fuckery.

calling you a cunt is
out of order
did his daughter hear him call you that?

She doesn’t eat bacon or cheese and so wouldn’t have wanted any, which makes this whole thing so ridiculous.

If OP was hungry and had chosen to make herself some food and her DP got annoyed over it, not one poster would be saying he was in the right.

Anyone who called me that would be out
you deserve better

Sorry but I’ve been married over 15 years and I’ve never been a called a name by my DH. Ok maybe you didn’t need to be sarcastic but that kind of name calling is not on.

In normal households, dads dont call people cunts around kids and are capable of leaving the house without a support uterus.

Are you really going to stay with the man that called you a cunt? If my DH called me that, I'd be gone. Do yourself a favour and get yourself away from the abusive tosser!

If I was going to cook something I know my DH wouldn’t eat, either for myself or myself and DC I would tell him in advance. I would expect him to do the same.

I’m not sure what his reaction would be (or what mine would be) if we walked in to find the other plating up a meal to eat without having considered the whole family. I would certainly be hurt - I don’t think I would respond with sarcasm and jibes. Maybe I would if I was stressed. If I was shitty with my DH in some way, he would absolutely not call me a c*. That is not normal.

People on MN have a strange view of this I’ve found, and like to say that certain things are “not abuse”. If you look up the definition of “verbal abuse” or consider what might qualify as “verbal abuse” in the workplace for example, being called a c* would be about as bad as it gets.

So it's ok to be petulant as long as you're a woman?

In normal households if a plan changes they tell their significant other because it affects them.
Sorry you think that being considerate is ridiculous! Wow.

No you aren’t. He seems to want to live like a single dad - not a family. I would leave and let him get on with it.

Support uterus 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Love it!

ODFOD

The idea of a father having a 'sleepover' with his daughter makes my skin crawl....

He wants to live like a single dad when it suits e.g. dinner but not when it doesn’t shop / bathroom cleaning etc

exactly he shouldnt force it

it's up to her how much contact she wants with you
what she wants you to do/be there not him

you seem kind but you might have to take a back seat when he is with her
but sounds like he is forcing your involvement
so its the opposite

the way he has spoken to you is a serious problem
if this is a regular thing
it is not acceptable

Totally pathetic l agree

It would be considered pretty rude in my household if we had a dinner planned for say 7pm, with food bought and prepared for two people, for one person to suddenly decide to start eating pasta a couple of hours beforehand, without even mentioning it.