Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

I eat dinner at around 3pm because of having young kids. Used to be 1:30pm at one point.

The playground name calling was childish but he'll always put her first, you know that. You just didn't like it. And that came out.

Massive difference in putting his daughter first and treating his partner with contempt.

In honesty, this is very early days for you to be playing stepmum. As for saying she has phases of who she prefers, and right now it is him...🤯

He's a thoughtless git for not telling you about the meal and an insufferable abusive knob for calling you a c*nt.

Start considering your position OP. This type of abuse is unacceptable..

Why would he ask you if you wanted any when you said you don’t eat bacon or cheese?

My DC don’t drink hot drinks so I never offer them one when I’m making one because I know it would be a no.

You sound like you were spoiling for an argument and used this.

Honestly you sound jealous of his relationship with his daughter.
Sometimes you and him are going to eat separately and that’s ok.
You cannot fixate on having to eat at the same time together every single day.

Listen up you selfish cunts, being a weekend dad doesn't mean your kids need to hear your contempt for you supposed partner. I'd leave OP, rell him that hes a needs needy, controlling shite that will give his kid daddy issues and you're not his emotional punching bag. Fuck sake....get them gone from your life, he can play shite dad on someone else's time and dime.

The thing that is most disturbing here is him calling you a c*. That’s extremely abusive language, full of contempt and yet it doesn’t seem to have made much of an impression on you compared to everything else.

If you were my friend, I would want to know if he is often verbally abusive to you and I would want you to know that’s absolutely not okay.

He called you a cunt. It will only get worse - please leave this awful man

Not sure what playgrounds you hang out in. Nice way to minimise a man calling his partner a selfish cunt though. Reminds me of "that's just locker room talk"

Op you can do way better than this.

All the posters saying its fine for him to day this because he only see his DD every weekend, OP doesn't eat cheese or any other bullshit......selfish cunts

5pm is quite early to eat dinner. Anyway, he should have told you that tonight he will be making carbonara, so that you could plan your meal separately. What was the reason that he didn't discuss with you? And then swearing- that's unacceptable.

Why would he make OP a plate up when she doesn’t eat bacon or cheese - she literally would not eat the food he made…

Some times, I’m wondering in which world people live in.
Does it happen that you actually TALK to your DP or are you always assuming you’re like free electron totally independent to each other?

The DP changed the routine and decided to eat either his dd. Fine.
What isn’t fine is to not give a head up to the OP, to not talk to her so that she discovers by chance she is going to eat on her own.
What isn’t ok is the way he reacted either (even though I’d agree that beimg sarcastic didn’t help either)

Respect seems to have disappeared thete.

Exactly. Men like this who won't leave the house with their child unless someone with a vagina comes with them are pathetic.

Because you TALK to your DP when you’re changing such a big part of the day. Same than if they had decided to have a take away or go out to a restaurant. The minimum to et the OP know.

What does this relationship bring to your life OP?

Anyone calling me a selfish c**t would be history as soon as it was out their mouth.

He offered to make you something, i think you were passive aggressive over a situation that doesn't need a fuss.
We had a similar situation tonight but DH has just got on with it as normal and i didn't make a fuss as no point as I'm getting hungry and want dinner.

It's all lost on you isn't it?

Why didn't her fella, before he starts cooking, while the OP was upstairs cleaning the bedrooms just cheerfully call up 'Daughter and I are going to have an early dinner, sorry to change plans of what we normally do, will sort out your dinner together later, yeah?'. Crisis adverted. No need to be called a cunt.

It's just respect to tell your partner things have changed today. Common courtesy even. As a lady who is supposed to be his partner - this is the least she could've expected.

What if OP was a man, and his girlfriend made a meal for her child that he doesn't like, at a time too early for him to eat

OP then proceeded to be sarcastic, his girlfriend offered to make him something and he said no and was petulant because normally they eat together later and she chose to eat with her child!

Would people really be on his side?? Saying she could cook something else completely separate for him! Really??

I have a child and my husband often cooks just for himself or for himself and our child, because I don't eat meat. I couldn't care less. I'm an adult, I can cook for myself.

"DP called me a selfish c**t"
No way don't tolerate anyone speaking to you in such a awful way like that.

"so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me"

you were being passive aggressive here

What's your justification for him calling OP a cunt, never cooking and demanding she shlep around shops to make him feel like a good man? Why would you want him DD to hear her dad call his partner a cunt?

YANBU OP. If the usual routine on a Saturday night is DSD eats earlier, you sit with her for company, then you and DP eat together, later on with a glass or two of wine, he should have mentioned it. He could easily have said ‘DSD and I really fancy carbonara together tonight which I know you don’t like. Do you want to eat something different with us at 5pm, or sort yourself something later on?’ I’m sure OP wouldn’t have had an issue with that at all, it’s the lack of forewarning that would annoy me.

exactly this ^