Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

You are seriously lacking in comprehension skills.

He offered to cook her something at the point of OP walking into the kitchen to see him plating up his and DD’s dinner. Letting someone know something usually happens before the event, and offering to cook her something then was an after thought.

So what if she doesn’t eat carbonara? I routinely make variations of the same meal for my family so we can all eat together. He could have easily just let her know and offered up something similar to cook alongside.

I’ll repeat it again for the hard of understanding - he doesn’t need to ask her permission, all he had to do was give her a heads up that the usual and long standing evening meal routine was changed. Telling someone about a change in plans is not the same as asking permission.

He didn’t cook for his DD and then suddenly found himself hungry and fancying some too, he decided to make them both a meal and left OP out. It did affect her as usually they eat together.

@emmalynnxxget out now she is far too young to understand a stepmum. Read other threads you’ll end up having kids together and it’ll be a whole world of pain

OP said she doesn’t eat this food and he offered to cook something different for her but she said she wasn’t hungry.

I assume OP also doesn’t have a disability that affects her ability to make food if she ever does get hungry before the allotted dinner time.

Lol, I love these kinds of posts where OP's get blamed no matter what. No mention of being called a cunt or shown any consideration at all about the change of plans.

That doesn’t excuse him calling her a selfish c&”t. Not that there could ever be a justification.

Letting someone know there is a change of plans is not the same as asking for permission though. Nobody is suggesting he needed to ask OP if it was OK if he ate carbonara with his daughter, of course that’s OK. What’s rude, is not speaking to his partner about what she would now do for dinner.

In this scenario, I’d be delighted with the option to eat a plate of cheese, ham and pickles, or order myself a takeaway or whatever, but I’d be miffed to get downstairs, expecting to start cooking dinner, to find two thirds of the household enjoying their dinner without a thought about me.

I've said it before and I will now say it again, thank you for being more eloquent than I am right now.

I think it's a problem that you live together after just 18m when he has a young child

The focus is on OP being called a cunt but I think the selfish bit is as bad, if not worse. She's giving up her time and energy on a weekend to facilitate her partner's child with a established routine that there is some adult together time after she goes to bed, which includes sharing food and a glass of wine. Her partner changes this without any communication and when the OP is annoyed about it she is called selfish. She obviously isn't selfish whatsoever just annoyed at not getting the together time later on without consultation.
Calling her selfish shows utter contemp and no awareness of what sacrifices she makes every weekend. Calling her a cunt adds a level of aggression beyond a usual argument.
OP, you don't need this. He's crossed the line. The role of having a partner with a child is hard enough even if your partner recognises your sacrifices. If they treat you with contempt it becomes a nightmare.

No he does not have to give her a ‘heads up’ - telling her afterwards would make no difference to OP.

She doesn’t get hungry at this time but after her remark he offered to cook her something and she said no because she wasn’t hungry.

He might be a twat but daring to eat 4 hours before the regular dinner time because he was hungry is not the reason why.

I wouldn’t even remark if my teenager ate some pasta 4 hours before dinner time.
If they still wanted their regular dinner then that’s fine but if they weren’t hungry then I would just make less or the same amount and refrigerate it.

What disability does the dad have that means he can't cook for his DD except now, can't go shopping without OP and thinks that calling someone a cunt in front of his daughter is top notch parenting?

For the life of me I cannot understand why anyone sane would choose spending their weekends traipsing round after someone else’s young child, (and receiving snide comments if they choose not to), not being allowed to do what I want on a weekend, putting up with a controlling boyfriend who gets to decide what I do, being ignored, cleaning up their house, being called a selfish cunt - over being single and thus doing whatever I want at all times, what I want to eat, when I want to eat it, and not being called names. It's insane.

So his meal was ready but he was willing to not eat it then so he could cook something for OP? Yeah right. You cannot honestly believe that.

I don't know either where you get the he was going to eat the pasta dish and then have another meal with OP. The pasta dish was his evening meal.

I also presume Mr Selfish does not have a disability that affects his ability to tell OP he is making food just for himself and his child or ask if she would maybe like some pasta with a different kind of sauce

You're responding as if OP is pissed off with him for having a snack a few hours before dinner though? I think she's quite clear that his was his dinner and they wouldn't be having a meal together later.

Which yeah of course is not the end of the world, but most people would offer everyone in the house dinner in this scenario. That's the issue.

I don’t think he was. There was a little 5 year old girl there who wanted to spend time with her daddy and it naturally evolved into her wanting to eat dinner with her daddy, so he followed his paternal instincts to give his little child what she needed in that moment. If you don’t want to believe that, then how about just that he’s human and had a momentary lapse where he forgot to mention it to the OP because he was so busy with his baby girl? And would the OP have reacted well if he had said anything?

It was down to the OP as the adult to instantly read the room, realise what was happening and say nothing there and then, but maybe have a chat with him later if she wanted to know why he was suddenly cooking and eating when it’s not their usual arrangement. Instead she ignored the daddy and daughter extra bonding happening before her and threw a tantrum in front of the child as if she was the OW!
IMO, the OP is not the victim here.

What a ludicrous blanket statement!

I think that poster is drunk tbh.
Most of their comments have been quite odd.

Yeah, it's OPs problem. No doubt rushed by daddy of the weekend using her to prop up his crap parenting. These men are literally dime a dozen. I've yet to hear of women treating stepdads like this.

You have no idea how much he ate or how big his appetite is though.

Chances are if he’s anything like my teen, he could easily eat pasta and then eat again 4 hours later.

But even if he didn’t want to eat later - what’s the issue?

Should we stay hungry for 4 hours because our DP isn’t ready to eat yet?

I have a brain injury, thanks though.

Neither of you covered yourselves in glory here let’s be honest. I find it super off that you both sit and watch he eat, she isn’t a baby and should be part of family meals. He dad eating with her needs to become the norm.

Who is the victim then ? ‘Nothing for me then’ is not throwing a tantrum. ‘You’re a selfish cunt’ however, most certainly is. OP facilitates her DP’s weekends (every weekend) and is guided by what the child wants. The fact that you think she doesn’t deserve some consideration in return speaks volumes.

You're not. It's him. He could have cleared this up by saying DD and I are going to have a special meal together today, we'll have a glass of wine later and I'll make something for you. No need to call you names.

Absolutely this. OP needs to bin him and get her life back.