Dinner time and nothing cooked for me, Aibu?

[emmalynnxx]

Hi. I’ve just caused a massive row with DP and wondering if I’m unreasonable.

DP has DSD with us this weekend, as we do every weekend. I love DSD, and try and make her feel very welcome and loved when she is here. Of course she goes in phases of who she wants to spend time with and at the moment I am not her favourite, DP is. Which is normal and expected.

Today we went shopping and I spent a lot of time just walking around on my own as DP went to different shops with DSD. Last night they had a “sleepover” in the living room and I spent the evening in our bedroom. I feel this is fine, DSD and DPs relationship will never compare to ours.

After getting in, I was cleaning the bedrooms ans walked into DP cooking dinner for DSD. I asked what he was having and he said DSD and me are having carbonara. DP and me usually eat around 8/9 with a bottle of wine. Nothing was cooked for me (I don’t eat bacon or cheese) so I said, rather sarcastically, I’m fine thanks nothing for me.

DP got annoyed and said well I’ll cook you something. I was polite and said no thanks, it’s too early for me, I’ll eat later, I just didn’t know you were cooking that’s all.

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

DP called me a selfish c**t and said I was causing tension and that I was being a baby about a dinner. Was I?

Yes she did know it.

Re-read her posts. Her DSD always eats early.

Same. Must be common in some partnerships 😬

@OneHazelBird if he had a small, starter size, serving of pasta to keep his DD company, intending to then also eat dinner with OP as planned then fair enough. Lots of people couldn’t eat a full plate of pasta, then another dinner later on. If anyone is hungry a couple of hours before dinner in my house, there are plenty of snacks - breadsticks, olives, cheese, crisps, nuts etc. All perfectly normal to have a couple of hours before dinner. Even if he had changed his mind about dinner and fancied carbonara rather than whatever they had planned, also fair enough - but a 5 min check in with DP about what she would then do about dinner is just courtesy.

No that's when we eat our evening meal. Like full chilli con carne, rice, garlic bread at 3pm. It took some adjusting to but I'd be crawling to make it to 5pm to eat dinner now tbh. Though I do recognise how weird this is and honestly can't wait to eat my dinners at a regular time again like a civilised person.

The DD always eats early but OP and her partner usually eat together after
the DD has gone to bed. Maybe you should re-read her posts.

Bet he would be absolutely flabbergasted that someone would say that to HIS little girl.

I think this is waaaay too much of a parental role for 18 months and you should take a big step back from the role and the dickhead man

It all sounds rather odd. You had to go shopping with them but then you didn’t actually go round the shops with them. You went because he’d make arsey comments. They had a sleep over but he thinks it’s not ok that you went to bed.
He called you a name. It all sounds odd and not ok.

You should probably re-read TBH

No, you re read it. I'll await your apology tuit suite.

He did let her know though and even offered to cook her something if she was hungry.

He didn’t ask if she wanted any carbonara because she doesn’t eat it.

The only thing he didn’t do was ask her permission before he started making it - but surely no one should need to do this (unless in a very unhealthy relationship).

He cooked for his DD as normal and fancied some too, so ate some.
It didn’t affect OP in any way.

This isn't the case though? OP didn't say he 'ate some of SD's meal because he was hungry' - he purposely cooked the meal for the two of them to share. Which is fine, but at least give the other person in the house a head's up to see if they want anything put on for them too.

His offer to cook for her wasn't genuine - it was an arsey response because he'd been called out, he was already plating up his & SD's.

My husband & I usually have dinner together once our children are asleep - I wouldn't just cook dinner for me and the kids at 5 and not ask if he wanted anything put on for him, or even tell him at all. It's rude!

If he was cooking an evening meal (not that it was evening) then he should have informed OP of that so she knew she would likely have to make herself something because Mr Selfish could not be bothered.

Occasionally me and DH will eat different meals but quite often just one of us will cook both meals or we cook them together.

Neither of us would go into the kitchen and prepare and cook a meal just for ourselves without saying a word to the other.

What do you mean 'he ate some of DD's meal because he was hungry'? He cooked a meal for him and DD. That's not the same thing at all.

For me it is common courtesy if you are making anything from a cup of tea, snack, sandwich, popping to the shop, full blown meal - you just ask if the other people home want anything.

So it would have felt a bit off.

However I wouldn't stay married to my husband if he was the type of man to call me a cunt during a disagreement.

Everyone disagrees at times. Anyone can lose their temper. But there is never any need to call each other names in a healthy marriage.

18 months?? Did he move in with you? And now that he’s got his feet under your table he’s letting his contempt show?

Bonus points if he was living with his parents before because “child maintenance.”

Weird how you're rewriting what actually happened. He didn't let her know before he made arrangements for his and his daughter's dinner and unilaterally cancelled their plans. He didn't need to 'ask permission' but it was extremely rude not to let her know!

Weird how you're rewriting what actually happened. He didn't let her know before he made arrangements for his and his daughter's dinner and unilaterally cancelled their plans. He didn't need to 'ask permission' but it was extremely rude not to let her know!

we usually sit with DSD whilst she eats and talk to her but don’t usually eat with her.

It’s here in the OP - DSD always eats earlier.

Apart from being called a cunt, noooo it didn't affect OP in any way. He is using OP and calling her a cunt. This is abusive even if he wasn't saying it in front of his DD. You understand that right?

Yes if that woman had deliberately
1- not talked to her DP
2- then insulted him with whatever the equivalent of a selfish cunt can be for a man

I agree that the OP was sarcastic. But beimg sarcastic (or even PA)doesn’t allow anyone to insult someone back. Esp not with that type of insult.
That alone would make me reconsider the relationship

My husband is like this. He is in his own little mental space and seemingly can't cope with more than one thought at a time. Would be merrily carrying on in his bubble making dinner and thinking oh I will have some of this at the same time and would almost forget I exist. I would never expect to be consulted on it. It is irritating but thats who he is and he also reacts very badly if called out on it. It is one of those things I have to live with in order to benefit the many other ways he is perfect for me. Hopefully you have these other things too. Otherwise it is time to reconsider.

Why does he need to let her know beforehand?

That is basically saying you need to ask permission.

While she eats they talk to her....so not eating.

Yes - the DSD usually eats earlier than OP and her DP - what are you not understanding??