AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

A man I was seeing - we were considering amd thinking about living together - said that, if and when that happened, he “would enjoy ironing my smalls”.

i was going off him anyway but this sealed it in my head.

Who calls knickers “smalls”?! No one needs to iron their knickers.

if I had been in love with him I might have found it romantic, somehow (although even this is doubtful). But I knew in that moment we weren’t right for each other, and that I wasn’t as keen as I thought I was.

@LuciferOverLancashire Yes it was his pants. He dropped them and they looked like an airport landing strip! Not a chance I was going to jump him if he can't wipe his own arse FFS!

Dated one guy who when he w**ked himself off would do it with 2 hands, 1 either side and his finger tips just touching each side. It was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. So I dumped him immediately.

Also dated a guy who asked me for a "handy". So gross. He also used to say "okie dokey".

One boyfriend was so cheap he would buy a loaf of bread, keep it in the freezer and just take out a slice at at time to defrost. Unbelievable.

His ball sack was freakishly long.

Once released, they swayed just above the kneecap.

He wrote “wandering” instead of “wondering” in a text message.

Overuse of the word ‘cool’ and on text it is ‘kool’ 🤢. Still friends as he’s a lovely person but every time I see it on a text I silently scream.

I once went home with a guy that I kind of knew through friends, he couldn't find his condoms so I said we should just leave it, he then proceeded to beg and said we could use a crisp packet instead! I still feel sick thinking about him 🤣🤣

‘probably’ 😄😄😄

Sigh.. there's always one.

If you want to settle for illiterate, shit drivers with pansy socks and unhinged runs, there's plenty out there.

He ate a scotch egg. I hate scotch eggs

Well his waste has to come out somehow 🤣🤣

My gran told me a tale that she liked this boy back in the 1920’s. Anyway he asked her out on a date and wore woolly gloves. That was it, never saw him again !!!!

I did hear a story about a guy who went on a date with a girl (friend of a friend) she invited him back to her studio flat where he ended up needed the toilet… he had some shall we say stomach problems and used up all of the toilet paper. He ended up having to use a towel which he then threw out the window and left soon after…. There was no next date

When I lived alone I freezed bread and took out a couple of slices at a time. Saves the bread going off. Quite sensible actually!!
( I couldn't do with the 2 handed wank though) 😂😂

Oh…. Also I never made it on a date with someone because they used ‘wiv’ and ‘fanks’ in their texting

I once went on a blind date-the nephew of a friend of mine

Nice enough chap,got on well and figured if see how it went

He messaged me the next day saying 'you alright sweatheart?'

No,nope not happening

(Turns out he had an alcohol problem and his family just wanted to offload him onto the nearest female mug as they thought they'd got of him with his first girlfriend but they broke up)

Invited for dinner for the 1st time. Took a very decent bottle of wine
she turned her nose up at it and produced the shittest bottle of wine I’ve ever had the misfortune to drink.

Sorry I'm laughing my head off at this one 🤣

Dated a guy years ago. Just before putting on a condom he said “shall we put a real coat on the little fella”.

”rain-coat”

That is now in my mind and I can't unsee it!!

The balllerina sock picture needs a trigger warning.

Agreed, but I would go further to say I also really dislike any shoe that requires those socks. Way too preppy / conservative for me.

NO HE DIDNT 😂😂😂😭😭😭

A two handed tug is just criminal. Must've been like shagging a 1 man tent.