AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

😂😂😂 okay, this one got me

Yep. Also I was 17 at the time.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you need to write a book 🤣🤣🤣🤣

We were lying on top of his bed kissing and his dog licked my foot. He said "oh bounty, Reg wants to join in" and laughed out loud.

One said "Jes-SUS! as he was coming. He also had a thick blonde hairy back.

Another asked if I wanted to fornicate.

Another kissed with slurping noises.

Just remembered. Another one came with me to my works do where the owners of the business I worked for were quite posh. He got drunk and one of the bosses came up ro me and said (in a polite well educated voice) Bounty, your friend appears to be laying outside in the gutter. He was.

Like the scene in The inbetweeners? 🤣

Back in the early 90s I told my then boyfriend I thought Tim Curry as the Sweet Transvestite in The Rocky Horror Show was a fabulous, gorgeous sight to behold ! ( still is!)
Said boyfriend disappeared off into the bedroom for 10 minutes and came out wearing one of my bras and a long tasseled tie-dyed skirt and a pair of hessian style wedges thinking I would go bananas
I was drinking a cup of tea and eating marmite toast, massively pissed after a night out … needless to say I was Rocky-horrified !!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 now that's funny!!

i have ‘Icked’ at trainer socks (I cannot abide them) a guy who looked like a Greek god but wore a ring on his thumb, and a man who ate lasagne in a restaurant, having tucked his napkin in like a baby’s bib.

Very soft unlined hands, pale and a bit podgy, like a baby. With slightly too long nails.
No no no.

@grrrlatrix 😂😂😂😂

Not mine, but a friend was first to arrive for a blind date. The guy arrived, and apparently got out of his car so unattractively that my friend got the ick before he'd even closed the car door.

Their smile

One was a sea glass twat. Used to send me poetry in the mail with bits of sea glass in the envelope and I was expected to swoon. Awful.

After seeing a guy for a while we had sex and he was on top with his arms down by his sides, performing like a bloody seal. Weirdest sex ever and I never saw him again.

The trick is to take them off immediately when you remove the shoes.

Here goes:

1. He was called Malcolm. I was very young and thought I could cope with it but turns out I'm shallow.
2. Back in the days when we still used cash. We'd agreed to go halves on the meal, I had no problem with that. I handed over my half, he counted it, looked uneasy and then informed me that I was 13p short.
3. The guy held up late at work so asked me to meet him at his. I arrived to find the ironing board and a pile of laundry waiting for me. He thought I "might like to run the iron over a few things" whilst I waited for him to get ready. He was borderline tearful when I declined.
4. Fifth or sixth date, he led me into his bedroom. There were handcuffs ready dangling from the headboard. I skedaddled.
5. The guy who called his penis "Mr Pokey".
6. The guy who, mid foreplay, sat up, tutted and then handed me a tenner and asked me to pop to the corner shop for condoms. When I suggested he go, he looked terribly hurt and said he was tired.
7. Total weirdo who just wanted to worship my legs. He kissed and stroked them for hours and did nothing else. Six dates of this I gently suggested we might progress to other body parts, he told me I'd given him the ick and dumped me.
8. The guy who got down on all fours to greet my dog and then started doing friendly dog panting. He scared the shit out of her and she hid behind my legs.

Met for our first date and he walked off ahead of me and I followed like a small child (I should have known then)

Went to a pub for a drink then we decided to grab some food. I assume because he was nervous he did this but it made go right off him. He kept chewing on his hand. The skin between your thumb and first finger. So he would make an L shape with his hand and have his thumb to one side and fingers the other side of his mouth and chew 😂😂

I had one like this for a while, lumbered along, like a Yeti.

@Airconfan yes, this is how I was with the Yeti! trotting along like a child.
or a concubine

but was he looking at the stars?

In high school I was "going out" with a guy on my school bus (yeah) from another school. On the way home one day I told him a joke id heard that day, it was so funny I was laughing as I told it, but his face remained completely straight. When I delivered the punchline he still didn't laugh, and I said "what's wrong, you didn't think that was funny?" He said "yeah"... "it was funny"... "but I tell the jokes in this relationship"...

Hahaha yes. I hadn't really made that connection before. Maybe it makes it less weird if he was referencing The Inbetweeners? It seemed like such a raw emotional response in the moment that I think any similarities are coincidental though 😂

Oh god I HATE it when people do this, Salespeople are the worst for it and it’s an instant nope from me… not buying what you’re selling now. Whoever is teaching people this crap needs to stop!!!

This was in the early 1980s. He used to wave at other Avenger drivers. Every single one. Once I noticed that was it. And he used to call them Avvies.

God these threads are just the best . Someone I used to work with always refers to himself by his initials, he was a right plank.

Had someone I knew in uni message out of the blue recently asking for a date, which felt quite exciting until we were texting after second date he proceeded to tell me, in fits and starts and with much bumbling and attempted evasion, that actually he had a 24 year old girlfriend back in London with whom he had “no physical accord” but they were “great friends”. Ick ick ick.