AIBU to ask you for the funniest reasons you've lost interest in someone?

[BakedInAButteryFlakyCrust]

I did one of these threads under a different username a couple of years ago with hundreds and hundreds of replies and it genuinely brought me to tears. I can't find it to read back on.

I'm recovering from surgery and laying horizontal and was hoping some of you could revive your funny / cringy experiences to brighten my day.

After a long marriage, I have spent the last 3 years being superbly single and here are some that I have been through, which immediately gave me the 'ick.'

• I was taken on a lovely date in London. Really hit it off well. He drove me home (rooky error) and proceeded to indicate around every bend and curve in the road. I got home, thanked him for his time and blocked him.

• next one was a guy I was seeing for a few months. He told me 6 days in 'I generally really love you.' And would type Mabye instead of maybe. I just couldn't get over it.

• getting jiggy with someone. I proceeded to use my hand to help me along. After the deed was done and I (finally) got there, he proceeded to well up with actual tears and told me I shouldn't need to do that, and to give him constructive feedback on his performance so I wouldn't need to do that in future. I didn't sleep with him again.

• Those fucking ridiculous ballerina socks men wear. This might be trivial but I just wait for any bloke wearing them to burst into a full pirouette. This was also the same guy as above.

• Another hinge guy would send 😂 after every message. What are you up to today? 😂
I'm just getting home from work 😂

I have so many more. Many many more. Please tell me your experiences to remind me why I need to stay single!

Many years ago I had a colleague who finished with her boyfriend because his false teeth clicked when he kissed her !

I was on a first date with someone in a Beefeater restaurant. The young waitress was going round filling the little ramekin dishes with sachets of sauce, mayo, vinegar etc. He waited until she was at the table behind and proceeded to take every single sachet out and put them in his pocket.I was disgusted and asked why he did that. His answer; his kids liked them… I got up there and then and left!!

I shuddered. Truly revolting poses.

I'm sorry but you need to elaborate on the shit soaked jeans guy?!
Had he just crapped himself and got into bed without a wash? Did you discover this when you woke up or were these old jeans that he'd never bothered washing?!

The absolutely dead silent 'cumming' guy! Not even a slight lip curl to give anything away! After about 10mins I asked him and he'd cum about 9mins 55seconds ago....
Apparently he was embarrassed about his premature ejaculation problem so thought it would be better to hide it instead?!
He had a really really small (thin and short) penis too

Okay, well I won't be able to beat slipped over in Greggs, and wiped his arse on a towel that he then threw out of the window (my personal favourites).

-Wore Spongebob Squarepants boxer shorts the first time we were about to have sex.
-Kept playing the song "Put Your Hands Up For Detroit" on repeat, complete with singing it right up in my face. I can still picture it now, and his breath stunk.
-Had a voice like Joe Pasquale.
-Had to be home by 9pm so his parents could 'lock up' - he was 32.
-Had a really baggy foreskin that draped down at least an inch over his bell.
-Had a micro penis.
-Ended every single text with 'CU Sunday @ 7pm' or whatever the day/time was that we were next seeing each other in person. And I mean, every single text.
-Wore the same aftershave as an ex who broke my heart.
-Had crusty eyebrows.
-Cancelled a date because his mum said he shouldn't go out if he had a cold.

I've mixed the order up but a few of them were the same person

That’s harsh!

Was he called Ryan? 😂

I was 16 or 17 and it was the first time I'd been to the cinema for a date. During the film he tapped me on the arm and showed me his false tooth, which he'd taken out, for some reason. It put me right off!

First walk home from a pub meeting, many years ago, said to me 'see her in front, could you wear a pair of jeans like that on our next date, so I can see the shape of your arse'!! There was no next date.

My sister finished with her boyfriend because she didn’t like the way his hands joined onto his arms!

it was a sad one. Wearing socks with sandals on the beach at 35 degrees and in the night he just hold my bum tight and thats it, said he is waiting for the perfect moment. Never again ( and he was called Tony )
another one, on every message or any conversation,, let go yo X restaurant to eat sushi Roarrr,, I am going to work Roarrr,,

All different men:

He sang along to the Bruce Springsteen song Atlantic City while looking fondly into my eyes and replacing the word ‘Atlantic’ with the name of his hometown.

He described my body as ‘looking very trim’ during sex.

He confidently informed me that I was lying when I said I enjoyed giving oral sex, because ‘nobody in the world actually likes giving oral, couples just do it to each other because they feel like they’re supposed to’. Also he had a centrefold poster blu-tacked to his bedroom wall of a woman in a bikini sitting astride a motorbike, despite him being 39 years old.

He suggested I have my perfectly happy, extremely healthy dog put to sleep because she was old.

I was due to meet his parents and he asked me to wear a short skirt because his dad thought short skirts were sexy.

He went to his GP one winter because his hands were mildly chapped. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he showed me his prescription treatment as proof that seeing the GP was the correct thing to do. The treatment was a small pot of E45 cream.

I have no idea

I'd gone round because I was a fool and madly in love with him

He just wanted sex

He'd finished work few hours earlier (long distance lorry driver) so I'm guessing he'd taken them off and gone to wipe his arse but forgotten about them/couldn't be arsed to move them

He went for a wee and I wandered into the bedroom

There they where-his pants and jeans on the floor (they where soaked in shit-i can still smell them)

I have no idea how long they'd been there-it was dry (or at least looked it-i wasn't touching them to find out!)

I fled his flat and went home-everything I felt for him just dried up faster than my vagina

Turns out,he'd been cheating on two other women with me and had another in the wings (he gave me an std and blamed me for giving it to him-i hadn't slept with anyone else)

I never said another word to him-i doubt realising he'd left them on the floor turned me off-he won't have given it a thought

I shudder at the woman I was then-my standards where low but not that low

🤢🤢🤢

Haha

No,Simon (or si as he liked to be known)

I call him 'the alki dickhead' now lol

Ignore Shuggles. He’s a strange - and celibate - little man who pops up on threads like this to tell women they’re unreasonable for not dating men they find unattractive.

His dad liked short skirts and he asked you to wear one for that reason? I'm sorry!?!?

I am right now very happy to be single.. I thought my dating history was bad but omg some of these stories are making me feel quite sick!

I once went off someone when they didn’t put their knife and fork together at the end of the meal.

He was really pointy. Especially his nose, his chin and his shoes. He also had no lips.

Also he couldn't pronounce his 'r's properly. This was particularly unfortunate as his ex (whom he mentioned frequently) was called Rebecca.

He walked too casually. I can’t explain it, he just did and it grossed me out.

he ordered a coke and crisps, just gave me the ick

Chicken and Picallili must be an absolute deal breaker for any woman.

Not exactly sophisticated.

I thought they were all the same person and was wondering how the hell you managed to last long enough to see his droopy-turtleneck micro penis?!