Child responsibilities.. Should dinner be made or even started when the first parent gets home from work?

[Playinwithfire]

Last night I get home, it was around 7.30 and my youngest said mummy I'm hungry. I was confused DH had been home since 2pm and sorted HIS stuff and then he headed off to his hobby. I checked to see if they had enough dinner, then the child says we didn't get any dinner! I'm furious...

There has been a few changes and I have been very understanding that DH is trying to adjust. However, for f"*k sake... I feel like I need to still manage everything and ensure things get done. I'm asked a 100 questions daily. An I snapped last night...

I just don't get how you can go off to a hobby knowing that your children still haven't eaten however, you've made sure all the stuff he had to do was priority and very much completed.

I assume DH was also expecting 15yo to stay in with younger DC and for OP to cook meal for herself too

Absolutely all of this.

'She is' - on her own? Wow, the 1950s called and want you back.

Absolving the man of all responsibility - of course!

Yes, she is because Dad was cross with him (rightly) and OP then was cross with Dad for being cross at him. Dad recognised his son's bad behaviour, it is OP who doesn't. It is OP who is facilitating their son's poor behaviour and teaching him to grow up into a useless adult.

Stop using the word "ask" If they only asked then the 15 year old had the right to refuse. It is not reasonable to demand that your 15 year old cooks tea for their sibling especially if it is just because you were too lazy to do it yourself.

Like I said, the secondary fuckup here is the teenager's.

But the father trying to shift his own total fuckup and frankly negligence to provide basic care to kids when it actually needed to be provided has absolutely no basis to get on his high horse about it. OP is quite right to focus on her husband's nonsense here, rather than his deflection onto his son.

Our teenagers don't exist to jump to at a moment's notice to make up for our own shortcomings and failings. In my experience, if you treat them with respect and expect high standards, and model the same, it is reciprocated.

OP's husband didn't treat the kid with respect and did't model high standards. Why should an expectation on a 15yo be higher than on an adult man?

The dad had time to prep the meal or get teenager involved with it much earlier in the day (or indeed this should have been sorted earlier in the week discussion wise, which it probably was with responsibility for meal prep etc on that day being DH’s)

No, they didn't demand, they asked.

If they only asked as a favour then how was the the DC disobedient to refuse?

Either he asked - meaning the 15yo had the option to do it or not - or he told/demanded/instructed - in which case the 15yo not complying is "disobedience" and the question becomes whether it was reasonable to disobey in the circumstances, whether the disobedience was intentional (OP said 15yo was doing other things, 15yos are quite well known for not having an infallible grasp of time passing) and whether the father is justified in being annoyed.

If I ask my 15 year old to do a reasonable, age appropriate job, and they ignore my request without disscusion, then they are being disobedient and that is bad behaviour.

If they can't do the job for some reason, it's OK to say that and a conversation can be had.

Please tell me you are not a parent.

It was up to the dh to have the discussion and decide whether the son had time and was happy to cook the tea for his sibling. He shouldn't have just told him to do it as he was walking out of the door so the DC didn't have the option to say he couldn't do it. And yes, i am a parent of very capable and helpful adults. No demands to obey unreasonable requests required.

Recognising something doesn't mean the Dad DID anything about it!

The Dad recognised the 8 year old was hungry, because the kid told him. Was the Dad 'disobedient' because the 8 year old didnt specifically request his dad to make him food? Or just a selfish, uncaring, thoughtless twonk?

He's selfish and he must not let that happen again, its not fair on your DC.

I totally understand why you are absalutely furious.

If your child tells people at school what happened, the school would be forced to involve the SS ( social services) so make sure his lordship takes the warning seriously.

Did the father provide opportunity for discussion? Did he actually ask if the teenager had time, put a timeframe or conditions on it, or in any way act like an adult who was asking a favour to fix his fuckup?

Yeah, that’s awful.

my DH is the worst cook ever but even he would have managed to make them something!

15 year old definitely could have made something, especially as they were asked to, but dad has responsibility.

It would not be unreasonable to ask DC15 when they came home from school to sort dinner for themselves and their sibling at the usual time. It shouldn’t be the norm for him on ‘his’ days being at home and not having any particular reason to offload his responsibilities.

It is absolutely unreasonable for the dad to wait until 7pm when he is walking out the door having been at home doing nothing important for 5 hours to ask the DC15 to then sort out dinner for DC8.

Haha, Social services getting involved cos Dad asked 15 yo to make some dinner and 8 year old was fed at 7.30pm?

Absolute nonsense 😂

That's too late for an 8 year old though I agree that post was hyperbolic.

Irony!

Seriously? An 8 year old?

Everyone is to blame other than the useless lazy lump of a man?

Hang on. He went out to his hobby, leaving thr children, are they not old enough to make something themselves?