To be a bit miffed at my friend’s idea of a ‘takeaway night’ tomorrow

[Teriyt]

My friend is kindly hosting a night for me and two others, a girly catch up.

When suggested we agreed on getting a takeaway and consensus from earlier this week was to get an Indian, and we earmarked the specific takeaway we’d order from.

My friend hosting has messaged to say she has picked up a ‘deal‘ from the supermarket this afternoon so she has got some ready meal curries and sides and said we can sort the money out on the night.

First world problem I know, but a supermarket ready meal doesn’t really hit the spot compared to a proper Indian takeaway so I feel a bit annoyed! She didn’t check with us before.

My friend has read the message suggesting we will stick to our original plan but not replied or acknowledged it which is unlike her. We will prompt her on lunch if needed. If she’s funny about it then fine as one of us will just host and there won’t be a cheap ready meal in sight 😂

For those getting worked up about the separate chat. It has existed for about 4 years and is mainly used to co-ordinate lifts to our DC’s football matches who are in the same team. It wasn’t set up last night for goodness sake 🙄

Same here. It’s a reason why I’m quite wary of group activities. There are way too many times when someone unilaterally changes the plans with no consultation. I agreed to one thing, not the other. Once, I had something I was really looking forward to doing be totally switched up on me. No discussion. I simply grabbed another friend and went and did the original thing anyway! 🤣

Maybe it's a money thing? It's the end of the month, last week before payday. She might have been worried that a group order would just add up to too much, when fairly divided.
Definitely a bit disappointing, but I'd give her some grace this time and assume it was best intentions.

Read the post. She'll get the money from each guest later!

Just get your own takeaway and bring it with you!

But maybe she can't afford her own take away. Everyone is covering their own and maybe she can't.

I have a friend like this. Tight as arseholes! Would rather eat something they don’t really want just to save £2, it’s annoying in situations like this.

I would just say that you were really looking forward to the takeaway and craving a naan (insert favourite food) so you’ll pick yours up on the way.

Did she even ask what curries everyone wanted to eat? I’d be furious if someone picked food for me without even asking when they knew everyone was coming round for takeaway.

But it IS the same. It’s one person deciding to make a significant change to the direction of the evening without consulting anyone else, and not only that, but also telling what they owe for something they never wanted in the first place.

If the food is unimportant and it’s all about the chat, why was there a discussion and agreement about what to eat in the first place? Why not just put a couple of bowls of crisps out so everyone could just get on chatting? Why not schedule for an hour later so that everyone could eat at home first, if food is just a non-event to get out of the way?

If you were meeting friends for cocktails, would it really not bother you to be on your way there and receive a text saying “Actually I’m in the Wetherspoons two streets away and have already ordered their tequila sunrise jugs - that’s a fiver each please”?

I agree. I bought a curry from there once as I thought it might be nicer than one from Tesco. It wasn’t, exactly the same rubbish.

Surely its OK for the OP to message the other friend to get their opinion on whether they were accepting the change of plan or not?

And if I was looking forward to a giant takeaway and was expected to eat Asda curry I'd be howling about it too. I find it really funny.

Who knows the 'host' may actually find it funny when she sees it from the others point of view.
It might end up being one of those stories that becomes a hilarious memory that they share and laugh about.

Have you ever had a real fresh curry? M and S is nowhere near it.

I was incredibly miffed (to the point of yes writing a MN post) a couple of years ago when I drove about 1hr20 mins to a friend's house for a pre-arranged day out. Shops, lunch, few drinks in nice pubs sort of thing.

When I got there, they told me they'd changed their mind and now just wanted to stay in and drink wine! All day!

I had no wine with me as I thought we were going out and I don't like drinking during the day (not clutching my pearls, I love wine but surely better things to do during the day!) and I hadn't brought any food and they had no plans for feeding me either.

Still gritty about it to this day! 😆

I mean, that works well if her name is Lisa, but what if it's not? Have you thought about that?

😂

You are not a good friend to this woman.

it’s not the existence of the chat. It’s the use of it to laugh about her behind her back. And you are prioritising what food you eat over a friendship.

If the rest of these people were chatting about you behind your back and making a decision to bin you off for the night because they didn’t like the food you had chosen, how would you feel?

It is so disrespectful, shallow and unkind.

I hope she sees what you are and finds better friends.

If I’d promised a takeaway then went ahead without discussion and got everyone some ready meal slop (and asked for payment for the privilege), then I’d fully expect to get some stick!

But if that was truly the case, what’s wrong with messaging everyone and saying “Takeaways are so expensive these days. What do you think about just getting some of those supermarket deals instead?”?

Instead, OP’s friend hasn’t asked - she’s decided for them. And if she’s done this because she’s short of money, it was a risky strategy, as OP and her friends could well have done what several posters have advised and said “No thanks, we’ll order takeaway as planned”, leaving her with a lot of supermarket food nobody wants and for which she’s already paid.

It’s rude to buy something for someone that you expect them to pay you back for without asking if they actually want it first. They are spending your money without your knowledge essentially. Regardless of what it is.

I don't disagree with you. I was only responsible to the poster who's said others were contributing and therefore implying being skint wasn't a possible reason for the change. I think being skint is a likely scenario but she didn't handle it well.

The she can get a supermarket one for herself. Not change the plan for everyone and impose her choice.

I've just checked and those curries are good for a month in the freezer so there is no need for them to go to waste.

Ok thread police, Ill think you'll find I have the "right" to comment on any thread I want. I don't remember reading that you have to produce your good friend brownie badge to comment on friendship related threads in the MN t&Cs.

Anyway my point stands; perhaps OP isnt being a good friend by laughing in the other chat, but cheapcurry friend was a bad friend first so it evens out!

🤣🤣🤣

Exactly this.

We have all got things wrong but meant well in the past. You haven't mentioned any previous similar behaviour. The fact she has gone quiet uncharacteristically shows your well thought out message may have caused hurt feelings. She probably isnt daft and I bet she is fully aware you have all been shit talking behind her back . Not nice op.

I agree overall, but have an amendment to your categories. I'm in group one precisely because I'm a 'fussy' eater (part choice, part allergies).

I enjoy discussing, planning and eating food as an activity in itself, but also as a necessity as part of social plans. A change like this has a risk of leaving me with nothing to eat, or having to raid their breadbin for toast. In this particular case I could eat thr rice but not the main.

However much I like my friends, I'm not going to enjoy socialising with them while they are all eating dinner and I go hungry.