Page 18 | To be a bit miffed at my friend’s idea of a ‘takeaway night’ tomorrow

Teriyt · 2026-10-22T17:31:09+00:00

My friend is kindly hosting a night for me and two others, a girly catch up. When suggested we agreed on getting a takeaway and consensus from earlier this week was to get an Indian, and we earmarked the specific takeaway we’d order from. My friend hosting has messaged to say she has picked up a ‘deal‘ from the supermarket this afternoon so she has got some ready meal curries and sides and said we can sort the money out on the night. First world problem I know, but a supermarket ready meal doesn’t really hit the spot compared to a proper Indian takeaway so I feel a bit annoyed! She didn’t check with us before.

Doddse · 23/10/2026 09:20

OrangeBlouse · 23/10/2026 06:38

So many people are missing the point here - and I suspect many are doing it deliberately. The very, very simple point at the heart of the OP’s thread is this:

When suggested we agreed on getting a takeaway and consensus from earlier this week was to get an Indian, and we earmarked the specific takeaway we’d order from.

This is all we need to know. Everyone was asked, everyone agreed. So all the people making mawkish, po-faced comments from people saying “I just couldn’t get worked up about the food; surely the company is what matters? How can you be so mean about your lovely, kind friend offering to do this lovely thing for you?” are not being as kind and lovely as they’d like to think (much as the OP’s friend isn’t). They’re either being blindly ignorant or deliberately obtuse.

If the friend had said, “Does everyone fancy coming over to me for a catch-up? I can do some snacks/nibbles/drinks”, then fine - the whole “It’s the company that counts” thing applies. If the friend had said “Let’s just get some of those dine in deals rather than waiting about for/spending a fortune on takeaway” - also fine. Because everyone’s expectations are the same. The issue is here that the group - including the host - has discussed it and agreed on it, but the host has now not only moved the goalposts, but has presented it as a fait accompli that everyone should be pleased about.

Let’s take food out of the equation for a moment. (Because let’s be honest - a lot of the reactions on this thread come down to discomfort at women daring to admit that they enjoy food and it’s important to them. The dreaded G word isn’t being said, but it’s being implied with every “I just can’t imagine being worked up about this”.) Let’s say you and some friends had agreed to go to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster on the big screen. Then your friend is the last pick-up and she proudly announces “Good news! I’ve saved us all the bother of going to the cinema - I’ve downloaded some films instead! We can watch them here with some wine and some popcorn I got on 2 for 1! It’s so much easier and cheaper: by the way, you owe me £5 each.”

The film night at home might be fine if you’d all agreed on that in the first place. But you hadn’t agreed to it; you’d made a plan to go to the cinema. And what’s more, you’d committed funds to do that, and now are being expected to a) pay for something you never asked to do out of that money and b) be grateful that your friend has “saved” you whatever extra you’d have spent on doing something you actually wanted to do.

Everyone was asked, everyone agreed. So all the people making mawkish, po-faced comments from people saying “I just couldn’t get worked up about the food; surely the company is what matters? How can you be so mean about your lovely, kind friend offering to do this lovely thing for you?” are not being as kind and lovely as they’d like to think (much as the OP’s friend isn’t). They’re either being blindly ignorant or deliberately obtuse

Exactly this. It’s disingenuous and not kind at all how some “can’t possibly imagine” that food can be a major part of their meet up. Obviously not the only or most important reason else they’d just each stay at home and order without meeting, but it still plays a part! And the fact is - they had all agreed to a specific plan regarding the food.

Maybe it’s because I have a very international and diverse set of friends, but I’m glad everyone I know gets this.

Even if you’re not a foodie though surely it’s basic manners and common sense to check with your friends first if you want to deviate from the plan?!

The watching movies at home vs cinema theatre analogy exactly is spot on.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 23/10/2026 09:23

HowLateItWasHowLate · 23/10/2026 09:19

The correct response to this nonsense is obviously - 'LOL'

So articulate.

How about " That's really kind of you Lisa but actually I was really excited about getting an Indian takeaway after a hard week. How about those of us who want to, stick with the original plan and you could eat the ready meals another time so they dont get wasted"

No laughing behind Lisa's back. Everyone getting what they want. A good evening had by all without the snidey secret chats

Mangelwurzelfortea · 23/10/2026 09:27

Think all the 'mean girl' comments on here are a bit OTT. This woman's mates are just having a laugh about her being a bit stingy or whatever. It's not a big deal. I've got a friend who's as tight as a duck's arse and it's a running joke among all her friends. We still love her though. Who knows, maybe I do something specifically amusing/annoying that everyone laughs about behind my back. I wouldn't care. But this is MN so any excuse to pearl-clutch.

MrsKateColumbo · 23/10/2026 09:27

Asda microwave food will be DISGUSTING, I would not be able to eat that

Mangelwurzelfortea · 23/10/2026 09:29

MrsKateColumbo · 23/10/2026 09:27

Asda microwave food will be DISGUSTING, I would not be able to eat that

Agree. Ready meals are usually yuck anyway. It would literally be the opposite of a treat for me, whereas a naughty but nice Indian takeaway hits the spot every time.

susiedaisy1912 · 23/10/2026 09:31

Asda ready meals when I was looking forward to an Indian takeaway. No way. Why the fuck has she decided to do that ?

Itsthewoluff · 23/10/2026 09:32

Have you told her? How did she take it?
A politely worded text offering to pay for what she bought, and saying you’ll order in, is perfectly ok. I’m not sure why people are getting their knickers in a twist. You can still love a friend but dislike/howl at a particular choice/action.

MightyGoldBear · 23/10/2026 09:38

I cried once when pregnant and craving fish shop chips and my husband suggested we cook some oven chips at home. It is not the same!

If the plan had been all along to have supermarket stuff I'd be fine but it feels like such a downgrade to go from take away to supermarket. Maybe she is skint or not that bothered by take away?

I'd either suck it up this time but say next time let us choose what we want to do its fine for her to choose differently for herself but not for others. Or I'd be tempted to say oh actually I really want take away so I'll be ordering that but you have what you want etc

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 09:41

DeeNiall · 23/10/2026 08:56

Even if you cook it yourself it won't be like a takeaway. I use lots of different spices and cook a delcious curry but it's different to a takeaway.

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Yes, I think you're right. And I have never been able to replicate restaurant naan, either - I assume you need a specialist oven.

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 09:45

Doddse · 23/10/2026 09:20

Everyone was asked, everyone agreed. So all the people making mawkish, po-faced comments from people saying “I just couldn’t get worked up about the food; surely the company is what matters? How can you be so mean about your lovely, kind friend offering to do this lovely thing for you?” are not being as kind and lovely as they’d like to think (much as the OP’s friend isn’t). They’re either being blindly ignorant or deliberately obtuse

Exactly this. It’s disingenuous and not kind at all how some “can’t possibly imagine” that food can be a major part of their meet up. Obviously not the only or most important reason else they’d just each stay at home and order without meeting, but it still plays a part! And the fact is - they had all agreed to a specific plan regarding the food.

Maybe it’s because I have a very international and diverse set of friends, but I’m glad everyone I know gets this.

Even if you’re not a foodie though surely it’s basic manners and common sense to check with your friends first if you want to deviate from the plan?!

The watching movies at home vs cinema theatre analogy exactly is spot on.

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I'm surprised we haven't had an influx of teeny-tinies yet who couldn't possibly eat an entire Indian takeaway😆

Blueuggboots · 23/10/2026 09:46

Oh I’d be really disappointed.

Yellowbelliedsapsuckeristaken · 23/10/2026 09:52

Mangelwurzelfortea · 23/10/2026 09:27

Think all the 'mean girl' comments on here are a bit OTT. This woman's mates are just having a laugh about her being a bit stingy or whatever. It's not a big deal. I've got a friend who's as tight as a duck's arse and it's a running joke among all her friends. We still love her though. Who knows, maybe I do something specifically amusing/annoying that everyone laughs about behind my back. I wouldn't care. But this is MN so any excuse to pearl-clutch.

Not really, they had set up this chat without her a while ago. I guess if you too are a bully laughing at people behind her back but then go 'oh this is just banter, we do love her, despite mocking her in a separate chat', then it really tells us more about you than about your friend. You're not really her friends.

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 10:00

Slightly off topic but it's interesting to read people's different views on the authenticity of takeaway vs home cooked vs supermarket.

There's a restaurant where I live that's in the middle of a South-Asian-populated area of town and it's hugely, hugely popular with South-Asian customers. I have been and it's actually very different from the generic 'Indian restaurant' - it is an authentic Pakistani restaurant rather than an 'Indian' so there are no curries on the list of commonly known British favourites such as madras or Tikka, they're specialist ones, and just a couple of curry choices with lots of different side dishes laid out as a buffet, and desserts that are incredibly sweet.

I was there in a group including South-Asians and they were saying that all the dishes being served are things that are complicated and would take ages to make at home, which was why the restaurant is so popular. The food was lovely although the desserts were too sweet for me (and I have a very sweet tooth!). It was interesting to visit such an authentic restaurant.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/10/2026 10:00

Teriyt · 22/10/2026 21:43

To those who’ve asked is my friend watching the calories…certainly not. She’s just not fussed on the quality of food as much as the rest of us. Each to their own, but don’t inflict it on others is my view.

We’ve managed to stifle our laughter temporarily and come up with a message which one of my other friends has sent politely suggesting we proceed with the original plan and she finds an alternative use for the ready meals (we stopped short of suggesting the dog, that would be animal cruelty!)

I never eat ready meals because I've never found any I like, so I don't blame you for not wanting to eat it.

BUT you all sound incredibly proud of how bitchy you are and how hilarious you find each other. For all her faults with domineering over the curry, I still really hope ready meal lady finds herself some better friends (which by the sounds of your posts wouldn't be too difficult for her to do).

WaneyEdge · 23/10/2026 10:00

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 09:45

I'm surprised we haven't had an influx of teeny-tinies yet who couldn't possibly eat an entire Indian takeaway😆

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I never eat a full one, I always have it for lunch the next day 😋

BlueSlate · 23/10/2026 10:02

OrangeBlouse · 23/10/2026 06:38

So many people are missing the point here - and I suspect many are doing it deliberately. The very, very simple point at the heart of the OP’s thread is this:

When suggested we agreed on getting a takeaway and consensus from earlier this week was to get an Indian, and we earmarked the specific takeaway we’d order from.

This is all we need to know. Everyone was asked, everyone agreed. So all the people making mawkish, po-faced comments from people saying “I just couldn’t get worked up about the food; surely the company is what matters? How can you be so mean about your lovely, kind friend offering to do this lovely thing for you?” are not being as kind and lovely as they’d like to think (much as the OP’s friend isn’t). They’re either being blindly ignorant or deliberately obtuse.

If the friend had said, “Does everyone fancy coming over to me for a catch-up? I can do some snacks/nibbles/drinks”, then fine - the whole “It’s the company that counts” thing applies. If the friend had said “Let’s just get some of those dine in deals rather than waiting about for/spending a fortune on takeaway” - also fine. Because everyone’s expectations are the same. The issue is here that the group - including the host - has discussed it and agreed on it, but the host has now not only moved the goalposts, but has presented it as a fait accompli that everyone should be pleased about.

Let’s take food out of the equation for a moment. (Because let’s be honest - a lot of the reactions on this thread come down to discomfort at women daring to admit that they enjoy food and it’s important to them. The dreaded G word isn’t being said, but it’s being implied with every “I just can’t imagine being worked up about this”.) Let’s say you and some friends had agreed to go to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster on the big screen. Then your friend is the last pick-up and she proudly announces “Good news! I’ve saved us all the bother of going to the cinema - I’ve downloaded some films instead! We can watch them here with some wine and some popcorn I got on 2 for 1! It’s so much easier and cheaper: by the way, you owe me £5 each.”

The film night at home might be fine if you’d all agreed on that in the first place. But you hadn’t agreed to it; you’d made a plan to go to the cinema. And what’s more, you’d committed funds to do that, and now are being expected to a) pay for something you never asked to do out of that money and b) be grateful that your friend has “saved” you whatever extra you’d have spent on doing something you actually wanted to do.

Well done for explaining that so comprehensively for the hard of understanding!

It won't make any difference but I admire your effort!

Doddse · 23/10/2026 10:04

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 09:45

I'm surprised we haven't had an influx of teeny-tinies yet who couldn't possibly eat an entire Indian takeaway😆

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Yes not explicitly but that’s certainly the undertone.

That’s probably why they can’t understand the “all the fuss”. I mean even if the host did order takeaway as planned, they’d only have licked the nan bread and ate a teaspoon full of curry 🤣

3luckystars · 23/10/2026 10:04

She should not be making decisions for all of you like that, I would hate that and it’s nothing to do with the disgusting food.

Does she do that often? I would not be friends with her.

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 10:07

WaneyEdge · 23/10/2026 10:00

I never eat a full one, I always have it for lunch the next day 😋

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In the days when I used to drink, there was no better solace for a hangover than the fridge-cold remains of a takeaway curry and naan fragments 😆

Doddse · 23/10/2026 10:10

FillerTrackOnTheAlbumOfLife · 23/10/2026 10:00

Slightly off topic but it's interesting to read people's different views on the authenticity of takeaway vs home cooked vs supermarket.

There's a restaurant where I live that's in the middle of a South-Asian-populated area of town and it's hugely, hugely popular with South-Asian customers. I have been and it's actually very different from the generic 'Indian restaurant' - it is an authentic Pakistani restaurant rather than an 'Indian' so there are no curries on the list of commonly known British favourites such as madras or Tikka, they're specialist ones, and just a couple of curry choices with lots of different side dishes laid out as a buffet, and desserts that are incredibly sweet.

I was there in a group including South-Asians and they were saying that all the dishes being served are things that are complicated and would take ages to make at home, which was why the restaurant is so popular. The food was lovely although the desserts were too sweet for me (and I have a very sweet tooth!). It was interesting to visit such an authentic restaurant.

Yeah I recently went with a friend of Chinese heritage to an authentic Cantonese restaurant in London . The food was lovely but I’d never came across a lot of the things on the menu before and I’ve had plenty of meals at Chinese restaurants and takeaway in my life!

I can imagine it was also quite complex to make too and that was why many East Asians were there too - they were craving the kind of food maybe only their parents/GPs make at special occasions.

Screamingabdabz · 23/10/2026 10:10

nam3c4ang3 · 23/10/2026 00:27

You’re being a right fucking cow op. Hth.

Mean. And actually it’s Asda curry friend who has been the CF in this situation. HTH.

Calliopespa · 23/10/2026 10:11

MightyGoldBear · 23/10/2026 09:38

I cried once when pregnant and craving fish shop chips and my husband suggested we cook some oven chips at home. It is not the same!

If the plan had been all along to have supermarket stuff I'd be fine but it feels like such a downgrade to go from take away to supermarket. Maybe she is skint or not that bothered by take away?

I'd either suck it up this time but say next time let us choose what we want to do its fine for her to choose differently for herself but not for others. Or I'd be tempted to say oh actually I really want take away so I'll be ordering that but you have what you want etc

I cried once when pregnant and craving fish shop chips and my husband suggested we cook some oven chips at home. It is not the same!

You get a pass for that in pregnancy! What is it about pregnancy and hot chips? I think it must be the salt.

Doddse · 23/10/2026 10:13

Screamingabdabz · 23/10/2026 10:10

Mean. And actually it’s Asda curry friend who has been the CF in this situation. HTH.

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Yikes. That poster you responded to is being incredibly aggressive.

It’s almost funny or at least ironic when MNetters call out other people as mean girls or accuse them of being unkind, but do it in such a nasty way that shows they are the bullies.

Brokentoes85 · 23/10/2026 10:13

Is she skint?

I worked in an Indian restaurant as a teen and I can agree with everyone saying a ready meal is 100% not the same or better.

I also wouldn't be sorting any money for something I hadn't agreed to.

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/10/2026 10:27

Doddse · 23/10/2026 10:13

Yikes. That poster you responded to is being incredibly aggressive.

It’s almost funny or at least ironic when MNetters call out other people as mean girls or accuse them of being unkind, but do it in such a nasty way that shows they are the bullies.

Edited

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I don't endorse calling the OP a cow, but are you saying you don't find starting a separate chat to mock someone who is meant to be a friend unkind or mean girl behaviour? If that was happening in a school it'd almost certainly be considered bullying.