Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

The wurzels have a song called The Morning Glory and part of the chorus is "3 for the man who stands his round". The cheeky cow had at least £25 and more likely over £30 of free drinks.

Thats bloody rude and breaks the unwritten rules of pub culture. Its a fundamental point that if you can't buy a drink back you duck out of rounds or say so minute one.

This thread and the comments have made my morning.

I don't drink alcohol, but I do enjoy a night out and the thought of drinking 7 Pepsi-Max or 7 mocktails makes me feel a little ill. If DH drank 7 pints (he does drink alcohol) he'd be under the table. Also the thought of spending £100 (approx?) in one night on drinks also makes me feel a little queasy.

I'm flabbergasted that the OP was able to have a considered conversation after 7 drinks. haha I must be getting old.

Edit for typo and also to say I think she was cheeky to leave in the knowledge that everyone else had spent £100 apart from her!

The last time DP and I went out in a large group, I couldn’t tell you who’d bought what drinks. Or who’s mad idea it was to then do cocktails. 😳

The cost of it all was meaningless. The next day laying on the sofa, trying to sort my devastated body out and recover, was quite another thing. 😂😂😂

Lesson learned - as you get older, your alcohol tolerance levels drop a bit.

“Sorry you had to dip out tightwad CF friend. Hope your kid is ok. It’s your round first next time btw.”

Reminds me of uni days and a few years after, rounds never work in groups of that size because a) takes all night for everyone to get a round, and b) having upwards of 5 drinks makes people if not tipsy then drunk, and argue about such trivial things as this.

If your friend has form for this then talk to her, but otherwise its a write off issue and in fitire just get yournown drinks so you don't have to debate parity. I had a mate who would buy pints then on others rounds he'd ask for triple whisky and coke etc, that's obviously a piss take so we just stopped doing rounds, it invites these sorts of potentially awkward situations.

I'm jealous, who can afford to buy 9 drinks in a pub these days!

It depends, if you usually go out in a big group and drink a lot she will probably just think she'll pick up her turn next time. If it's quite rare (e.g. celebrating a birthday) and you probably won't all meet up and drink this much again then yeah, cheeky.

YABU to refer to "Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit" - there wasn't any "deficit" it's not as if she had ordered a round but not paid for it. Surely the final person paid for round 8 instead then you could decide whether to start again, move to buying drinks separately, or go home!

I'm just focused on there having been seven rounds already! Definitely time to go home.

I think with 9 people it’s bound to go this way sometimes and needs to be fluid, otherwise just buy your own or have a kitty. As long as she doesn’t do this regularly it’s not a big deal imo.

The research and article written by a doctor whos life's work and hence income is based on being anti drink.

Therefore, if you don't want to drink...don't but please don't preach to us that do. Remember human existence owes a lot to alcohol. Without the presence of alcohol to make it safe to drink fluids, Europe and hence the rest of the world would not have developed beyond the middle ages.

It's cheeky, but plausible.

She gets the first round next time.

How did you even manage to type this after 7 drinks...?!😂

Some friends you are, dissing someone behind her back immediately after she left. Just FYI that’s also very rude.

if you have issues take it up with a friend but for the whole group to behave like that - 🤮

Leaving after seven rounds is understandable. I'd expect that if someone doesn't buy a round then they will buy one of the first rounds next time.

I’d agree that 7 drinks is loads, so I wonder if op is in one of those groups where a couple counts as 1.

If she doesnt have form for it then i would agree with your husband but also agree with other posters that rounds in a group that big is a lot to have to drink!

I think yabu unless she always does this. She can just buy first round next time.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt if this is the first time it has happened, she might text today or offer to get an extra round next time

Whole group of you should have chinny-reckoned/Jimmy Hill'ed her.

That’s a big round! we’re talking a group of serious drinkers.
Everyone will have had at least 9 drinks and surely not everyone in your group is going to want to drink that much?

Also, she is going home to care for her kids in an emergency situation whilst in a drunk state. . . . It’s not great is it?
I’d be more worried about that than the loss of money to spend on yet more booze . . but that’s just me. I’m not that bothered by drink.
If it’s a one off then I’d let it go, however, I do think drinking in such large rounds is impractical and I’d go into smaller rounds in future.

Hmm, back in the day when I went out to drink with large groups, first thing we all put in an amount into the kitty, say £10 for alcohol, £5 for soft. Had a pen and paper to write out the order for the bar. Worked perfectly. Nowadays, I don't go out drinking but if with another couple of people, I buy my own drink.

It is pf course possible that not all of Sarah's drinks were alcoholic
Then it would make it very unfair to her to pay for a round if all the others had expensive alcoholic drinks

Surely with 9 people in a round, there are always some who don't buy. Who's having 9 drinks in an evening? We'd just pick it up next time, the person who didn't buy wouldn't need reminding, they'd just go first next time.

And the fact that friend was going home alone to be the responsible adult and deal with family emergency after 7 drinks . . . Her thinking is not going to be as clear as it should be in that situation. . . .

I don't get involved in buying rounds when I'm out with a large group. I either buy my own drinks or just buy the nearest two or three people theirs. I wouldn't be quibbling over the amount but over time I'd expect some reciprocity.

On a side note I wouldn't want nine soft drinks never mind nine alcoholic drinks on a "school night". 🤕

I don't understand how you were able to type this so well after 7 drinks, why on earth anyone's first thought 7 drinks deep would be to get on Mumsnet, or how, after 7 drinks, you actually gave a shit.

Surely the fun of drinking that much is to get to a place where you're carefree and things like this would fee completely inconsequential. Until you wake up in the morning of course. If you're past that and at a point you're getting riled up enough to be telling the internet about small grievances, you've gone too far.

It's cheeky, but her mind probably was distracted and it's your own fault for doing rounds when there's 9 of you!!!!