Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

Could be a genuine mistake, it's cheeky if she does it often but if it was a one off I'd let her off. I probably wouldn't raise it especially if she's a good friend.

Ok, calm down! It was honestly a joke. 🤣
You're very defensive...not the crime of the century? That's quite a low bar 🤣!

Don't patronise me, if you're going to be confrontational at least stand by it.

I have nothing to be defensive about, I was merely supporting the OP against the barrage of comments that 9 halves on a weeknight is too much to drink.

😂😂😂😂😂

Unless there's a pattern of her bailing out before getting a round in I think you're being harsh criticising her, especially if you all meet up regularly. She just needs to get the first round in next time.

i think im with your DH on this.
An urgent situation arose and she was distracted and presumeably wmongst good friends she socialises with regularly. If i were in your friend s situation i would have thought i could reciprocate on another ocsasion.
Is it understood that 9 drinks will be had and each person on each occasion buys a round or does the group sometimes have say 8 drinks and someone sometimes get a free evening but it evens out over time?
Honestly 9 drinks on a week day evening is probably excessive for many people .

Not many people can drink 9 drinks back to back which is what would have happened! If you see these friends fairly regularly it should balance out. She should buy a round next time. If you’re spending time counting the pennies and buying drinks just to receive them then there’s something wrong.

It sounds like you’re a group of friends who regularly go out to the pub quiz, just remind her that the first round is on her next time. I would have thought that some inequity is inevitable doing rounds with that many people, different drinks, not having a drink every time, that’s the risk of doing rounds.

9 drinks on a work night is a lot. What happens if people need to leave/the pub closes before you get to round 9; I would think this is a pretty normal occurrence.

unless she has form for never buying then she probably had an emergency and needed to leave, it’s normal.

@sweetpickle2- I do owe you an apology, I thought you were being jokey and you obviously weren't. Your life, your choice. I secretly admire your constitution!
Enjoy your pub nights out 💐

7 rounds ..... ! That's a ridiculously large round. She probably couldn't even think straight! I trust she wasn't driving.....?

That's an idea that's been promoted by booksellers,

including philosopher's like Edward Slingerland, while Patrick E McGovern (apparently the Indiana Jones of Alcohol) had serious scientific credential, he never explicitly stated the preference for alcohol over water due it purification abilities to make water potable, he also wrote and sold more than a few books!

So, though medieval people chose alcohol as their beverage of choice, there is no doubt that they still regarded water as an important drink too.

One of the oddest myths about the Middle Ages is that people did not drink water. Many books and articles have repeated the idea that water was so polluted during this period that medieval men and women would only drink wine, ale or some other kind of beverage. However, there is plenty of evidence that people regularly drank water.

There's a reason alcohol based sanitising products are 70%, because below that, it fails to kill off all microbes, viruses and bacteria that would be present in contaminated water...

also, a solution of low alcohol + contaminated water is likely to increase pathogen growth due alcohol's preservative effects

How did they achieve consistent concentrations without going blind / poisoning themselves or making the problem worse by under-dosing?

While Rome polluted its rivers with dead bodies they understood the value of clean water - hence the effort they went to in bringing water into the city via going to the effort of building aqueducts.

Outbreaks of cholera became far more common post-middle ages, as settlements grew following the agricultural revolution, so the timelines are misaligned.

If it was 1 or 2 drinks it would be one thing - but I think if you are in 'round' culture with a large group and that is how it works - then yes she has behaved poorly.

I used to work in pubs in my 20s - and I remember the genuine moral outrage that would become the talk of the pub if someone didn't keep their round in! THey would honestly be ostracised - this was in a working class area with lots of working men/ plasterers/labourers etc who would come in loaded down with cash at the end of the day. It was not about the money =- but the principle of being out in a big group

#I agree that now at my age I tend to say ill just get my own as don't want to get caught worrying or keeping up with others - and drinks are so expensive I want to choose what I like and not worry about others.

So easy to ask how much the round cost, and throw that money on the table before you leave. Mind you cash is becoming a thing of the past.

I can't imagine sitting and consuming 8 drinks, not spending a penny, and then going home, I'd be mortified. Mind you, I'm always first to the bar - something my Dad instilled in me.

The reason I asked that poster is because she said its very very normal in my world and pub going lifestyle for people to pull someone up on it being their round - I queried what happened if someone was not drinking and then she said well it completely depends on the evening which was exactly my point in the first place 🤣

I AGREE that everyone does whatever they are comfortable with but that isnt what people who were arguing that everyone MUST buy rounds were saying! They were saying that anything other than buying rounds is cheeky.

I am saying its not because as you say it DEPENDS on what they are comfortable with 🤭

Bloody hell, if all 9 of you buy a round, that's 9 drinks!? I'd be paraletic 😂 I wouldn't bother with rounds in a group that big, stick to couples or buy your own. There is always a round dodger in every group, next time you go out remind her it's her round first.

It depends on if you count couples as 'one' or not, I think rounds are unfair on single people sometimes, because it's unusual for both people in a couple to pay for a round of drinks each, especially before everyone else has had a chance to pay for one, so a single person has to pay for more people while only benefitting as one.

So in that sense, it's the couple that are CF, but if every person in the group genuinely pays one round each then yes she should have paid, but a kids emergency trumps that.

Maybe she will offer to buy two next time, it sounds like a regular thing, and with the exception of your DH, you all sound like a bunch of back stabbing bitches.

Depends really, I don’t drink now and haven’t done rounds in pubs for a long time. Is she a serial round avoider or was this a one off? If she’s not done it before I’d probably tell her to get them in first next time but otherwise forget about it. My pet hate used to be people who would take a drink every time it was someone else’s round but get themselves a tap water when it was their turn.

Did she have a drink every round or did she have a couple of cokes?

Couples can share one drink if they want to be counted as one person!

People who do this are often serial offenders. Does she have form?

Think it's a lot weirder that you were all talking about an apparent friend behind her back, when it really sounds like it was an emergency. If people are this concerned and keeping track of who's had what and who hasn't paid, then don't buy in rounds.

This 100pc
Unfair to criticise her if she had to leave for an emergency. Hardly planned!
I would be very upset if my friends were talking negatively about me in this situation. Fwiw, I know they wouldn't.

This used to work when younger and everyone drank halves of cider but these days people all drink different drinks and no one I know carries cash around for a kitty.

But maybe next time say you get the first round in this time so and so.

Has this not happened to you before? There is always one person who does this. You work it out and put em on the spot next time to buy a round first. Could have been an emergency or not. Def wouldnt expect consideration after shes left thou. Just dont let her get away with it next time.