Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

Kitty, buy your own, or be adult enough to realise it all evens out in the end.

Rounds are always a dreadful idea.

If things bother you this much, don’t do rounds. She had a childcare emergency. Get a grip

Thank you! Exactly! Totally agree 😀

Yes, she did, but she clearly wasn’t happy about it. The other two in the round (friends of mine) also said that they couldn’t believe I’d called her out on it! I said I CGAF, that I didn’t even know her and why on earth should we fund her entire night out!?
No time for freeloaders, especially ones that are strangers.

If I was in the situation of your friend, I would 100% have offered to transfer some money for my round to someone who was still there/ suggested another way to contribute towards the costs of the drinks that I had accepted all night.

This. Does she have form for stiffing others with the bill? If not, it's ungenerous of you to assume that this was her intention.

Surely friends give each other the benefit of the doubt.

That's no accident
Id put on her being quite pleased with herself

If she does this all the time - CF. If she was flapping as genuine childcare emergency then cut her some slack.

9 people is too many for a round. Even my drinking of friends would struggle with this. You should have put it all on a tab and split it, broken into a few smaller groups or partnered up with people who drink a similar amount. I would literally never want 9 drinks.

9 pints on a school night… bold.

To be fair, not always a pint, sometimes a half or a spritzer! 😵‍💫

What do you reckon OP does for a living which doesn't get impacted by this kind of Wednesday night? I'm thinking Paramedic or Civil Servant (joke!)

and on a weekday

which is certainly di rigeur when you're a student

Isn’t a round impossible when a group gets too large for everyone to realistically buy a drink? Eleven drinks on a Wednesday night is a massive amount of alcohol. Surely, if this happens every single week, the night wraps up before the last few people even have a chance to get a round in? By the way, what time did her emergency happen compared to when the night usually ends?
I enjoy a drink as much as anyone, but consuming 11 drinks in a single night just so everyone has 'paid their share' is the definition of binge drinking. Doesn't this pattern concern you?"

OP has said they're usually halves which would mean 4 and a bit pints, not 9 pints. I agree OP in my world this would be a normal night in the pub after work!

If i go out and driving your talking 7 diet cokes , blimey I'd be in the loo never mind 7 alcoholic drinks I'd be on the floor. Id have left too as probably would be pissing all night or pissed

Really? You've got a very good constitution! No effects at all?

She's not a student, is she?

I didn't say I wouldn't have effects. I'd be tipsy, but last time I checked getting tipsy at the pub wasn't a crime.

No wouldn’t do drinks in big rounds like that. Not that I could drink 9 drinks, alcohol or other otherwise. The majority of people would give up before drink 9.

She had a child emergency and left, you are meant to be her friends. Stop bean counting.

Not paying a round has happened to me and all my friends before, even without an emergency. Sometimes it’s just time to call it a night (in my circle, this would be well before 7 drinks). Offering to transfer money in this situation is weird. The most I do is leaving with a ‘sorry guys, I’ll get the first round next time’.

This is why I don't let people (other than DH or my mam when she was alive) buy me drinks.

Just buy your own, all these rounds and split bills etc... are stupid and only lead to people feeling offended and falling outs.

It can all be avoided by paying your own and now inventing silly tit for tat rules. I mean what if one person likes a cocktail that is £7.95 and another's drinking coke at £3.99? what if someone doesn't want 9 drinks and someone else wants more than 9? what happens like this when people have to leave half way through? plus people always drink at different rate, sitting around waiting for others to finish or rushing because your holding up the group is stupid. It never works out 'fair'.

Did someone say it was? How bizarre

OP I would say that the way you do rounds is the issue here and not your friend. A round of 9 is just impractical, particularly on a week night. It can’t be the first time someone has needed to leave early. Life happens sometimes. Find a more practical way to arrange the evening so people can leave if they need to. And also check on your friend who had an emergency

I was defending myself to you because you're the one who asked me why I had no effects when I'd not once mentioned effects!

Edited to add- although there are a lot of posts on this thread (many from you) that seem to be implying getting pissed on a weeknight is the crime of the century, so I don't think it's that bizarre an assertion.