Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

If you can’t afford to buy a friend a drink and not get one back you shouting be drinking in rounds

if someone makes a habit of this then just tell them you won’t drink in rounds with them

I have read many defences by people in denial about their alcohol problems. But saving the human race is a new one to me. Thank you, that has amused me today!

People do seem to drastically overthink these sort of scenarios (which may explain why apparently they've never been in a situation with a group of friends!)

It seems insane to me that someone (the poster you were replying to) needs to actually ask what happens if they are driving. It just seems so obvious that you just do whatever you are comfortable with - either opt out of rounds completely or accept that if you're a group that goes out regularly and you normally drink your FRIENDS will be happy to sub you a Pepsi max this time and you'll join the round next time.

You don't need to consult debretts, and, unless the "group" is the uni rugby team nobody is going to force you to drink more than you want to.

I don't understand how people don't get the general concept that if you are happy enough to spend several hours drinking with a group then you will almost always be comfortable enough with them to just SAY what you want to do. And if on the very odd occasion you DON'T know them well it's fine to just opt out at the start.

Surely nobody actually needs to be told that accepting lots of anything - drinks, lifts, childcare, without reciprocating is rude, but equally most people won't be anxiously totting up every.single.interaction to make sure it is exactly fair?

I dont do them either. I enjoy a drink or two but dont enjoy getting shitfaced so I prefer to drink more slowly at my own pace.

And you'd look like an absolute tight wad, as she only owes OP one drink, so, depending on what or where they were drinking, isn't going to be much. Sending an annoyed message demanding approximately a fiver would just make you look pathetic.

That’s madness ! 9 rounds?

OP never returned so I think MN should archive this under “Imaginary scenarios that wind people up and cause arguments amongst posters even though they obviously never happened”.

Seven drinks? Jeez. The fact she could walk is impressive (and hope she wast driving)! If she’s a repeat offender then yes not on - next time have her get the first round!

Sorry, only read the OP but seven rounds of drinks sounds quite a lot. Presumably there's no expectation that someone will either buy another round or do a bank transfer. I don't know whether your friend was being a CF or not, but maybe you've learned a lesson for next time...smaller rounds perhaps.

So this is how it would have gone if she'd stopped to buy nine drinks before leaving.

Babysitter. Come home immediately.
Friend.. Hang on I've just got to queue up at the busy bar to get my round a, b, c, d , e, f ,g, h, i what are you having?
Friend. Bar man, Bar man Over here
Friend. Can I have a drink for a, b, c,d, e, f, g, h and i? Waits for drinks to be poured, looking at her watch.
Friend to the group.. Can someone help me carry these drinks back to all of you. whilst i call an uber . Here's your drinks you lovely people, now I have to leave.

Or as is suspected by OP's group.

Friend. Babysitter can you call me at exactly 9.13 pm as I have calculated that will be the exact time I can skip out without having paid for a round of nine drinks.

Overall. This seems more likely.
Option 3.
Babysitter .. You are needed. Come home immediately,
Friend. OK see you asap.

I can't stand that person who stands up and says "I'll get the first round".

Oh dear, that's usually me because I don't want to appear tight .....

Has anyone checked if she/the dc are ok?

It doesn't sound like it.

I hope she realises that these so-called 'friends' are not her friends, they are just an unpleasant bunch of drunks.

I know a lot of people have said it, but just chiming in that a round of 9 people is daft! Who will drink at the same speed as all 8 others? Who wants to have to wait out all 9 rounds? I’d much rather buy my own drinks and pace my own night

A childcare emergency is more urgent than getting drunk in the pub with your (so called) friends! I doubt she gave this a second thought and am amazed that anyone would (I think only someone who cared more about drink, actually, would care).

Also, yes, a real friend would be checking in with this woman to see if she is ok as she had an emergency. And not fixating on the drink they bought her

Itd only be cheeky if she wasnt first to the bar next time! Or if you dont go out that often, if she didnt think and message a few days later. You'd assume your friends understood if it was an emergency!

Just popping back in to say that I'm not a bot 😄

And I suppose that we are all different. A night down the pub after work with 9 drinks isn't a big deal to me. It was pub quiz night and we have a big group of friends that form two teams. We are there most Wednesdays and at the weekends. Most of us get chips or something so we are eating with the alcohol and we drinks mostly halves or spritzers. I suppose I'm pretty tipsy by the end of the night but not trollied 🤷 and in bed by midnight, easily.

As for the driving comments, I'm not dignifying them with a response

Anyway, thanks for all replies x

Is she a good friend? Does she take the piss regularly? If I'm with good friends I'll often buy drinks randomly and so will they. We've never kept tabs, but we know it's roughly what's even. In a childcare emergency I probably wouldn't bat an eyelid unless it happened every time we went out.

I would be put out by this. A round, even with 3 or 4 people in, is about £25. No one should expect to drink all evening for free.
Years ago, I went on a hen do- I only knew a couple of people there. Somehow got into a round with 3 others, one who I had never met before. We were each going to the bar and buying 4 cocktails for the group at a cost of around £40. She happily accepted and drank them, then, just as it got to her turn, she announced that her BF was here to collect her and said her goodbyes!
I called her out on it and said ‘nope, you’ve got to get your round in first.’ She protested and said that she wasn’t having another drink because she was leaving. I told her that’s ok, she can just get our drinks then. CF!

And did she get your drinks?! Cheeky bitch 🤣

I think it’s cheeky, I agree with you. When I am out with friends and someone leaves before their round they always leave money. There’s always one tight arse in every friend group. Having a kitty for drinks is better than buying rounds.

Personally I don’t drink in big rounds like this, because you always get one person who drinks a triple gin on other people’s rounds and then orders a coke on their own haha. Me and my best friend often do rounds but we lose track after a couple so god knows who pays for what but it evens out. 9 is a lot of drinks to buy.. I’d probably be on the floor after that. We also had a friend who used to wait until it was her ‘turn’ and then make an excuse to leave… stopped drinking in rounds a long time ago lol

If she has form for doing this YANBU. If it was out of character for her to be a blatant CF, then YABU. Next time, suggest she gets the first round in.

I think it depends if it’s a pattern of behaviour. It would have been nice if she’d offered to get a round in for everyone else before leaving but if she had an emergency she might not have been prioritising that thought. As a one off I’d not worry about it and definitely wouldn’t talk about her behind her back or call her a cf, imagine how she’ll feel if that gets back to her!

This thread has persuaded me never to buy drinks in rounds again. It just doesn’t work! Who wants to be the person carrying nine full-to-the-brim drinks back from the bar anyway? At least you can take a sip of your own drink to avoid spilling it.