Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

Me too and I’m quite old 🤣
im still going out with friends that I made in my late teens and we always have a kitty.

I wonder how she made it home.

Either she’s skint and did this intentionally so maybe always planned to do it or she genuinely had an emergency at home and didn’t think to offer to pay anyone before leaving. You know her so can judge her character well enough to know which it was.

Hmm, the timing is iffy isn't it. Funny how she was able to enjoy all those drinks and the "emergency" occurred as soon as she'd enjoyed herself and it was her turn to treat everyone.

Has she said anything about what was wrong with her child? Or whatever the issue was. She doesn't owe any explanations but this has clearly left a bad taste in people's mouths.

7 drinks??
I don't think I've had 7 drinks in the last month let alone on one evening...

Literally came here to check if anyone had bothered checking to see if all okay or to busy bashing her!

Depends, is this a first offence or a pattern of behaviour? Also, do kitty's next time stops this nonsense. Also kitty's exist in this strange time/space continuum where they seem to last a really long time (among my friends anyway).

It really wouldn’t bother me! Aren’t you supposed to be mates ? Sounds like you’re all horrible about each other

A round for nine people? If you have nine drinks, that is around three bottles of wine. I hope nobody in the group was driving.

Free pass on the night as child-related but she should have messaged the next day offering to pay her way.

I think it is the height of pettiness to count how much everyone is spending every time you socialise. If you want to buy a friend a drink, get a round in. If you don't, don't bother. I always found this so distasteful - either be generous or don't be.

I can't stand that person who stands up and says "I'll get the first round".
No, you will either buy everyone a drink with your flash-with-cash ways, or sit the fuck back down!
That moment when you come back from the loos and some grinning fuck announces "I didn't know what you were drinking, so I got you a rum&coke" ...all whilst you're gagging for a glass of OJ, which you now have to go and queue for anyway. Then, just as you make it back to that melted - ice compote in a sweaty wet glass...someone announces that it's "your round" now. It's probably that same fun-sucking toad, who started the rounds.
Next time, just stab them in the eye with a paper straw before they manage to speak.

Then, go and buy yourself a drink. 👍

This. It's utterly bizarre. 99% of the population wouldn't get through 9 rounds of drinks on a Wednesday night so it seems ludicrous that anyone after like the 4th or 5th person max would ever be reciprocating getting in a a round that night Rounds only make sense if you're 3 or 4 people all roughly getting the same thing and drinking at the same rate - which is great for things like girls night out cocktails, after-work glasses of wine or a few rounds of beers when watching the football, all with 4 or 5 friends max.

I couldn't imagine begrudging buying my friend a drink just because she didn't reciprocate, especially if she had a childcare emergency. I wouldn't care under any circumstance. Unless my friend had some historical form for being a a CF, I don't care about transactional tit-for-tat drinks like this. It probably all comes out in the wash/evens out over the lifetime of the friendship anyway. When I offer to buy my friend a drink when we get to the bar, it's not under the expectation I would be getting one back. Of course that's a nice social convention but unless my friend had a history of getting out of paying or taking the piss, this is not something I care about in friendship at all.

She had SEVEN drinks.

It’s all very well to be generous, but we all notice when someone has form: short arms and deep pockets; last to the bar and first out of the taxi etc.

dh belongs to a business lunch club of five people, meeting every couple of months. Each person takes a turn at paying. Comes to person no. 5 and after having four free lunches he says he has the flu and then said he was too busy to join them again. Absolute cf !!!

i find it really odd that you'd have nine drinks (if everyone brought one) and you'd still be standing. Don't any of you work or have children?
Anyway you don't sound like very nice friends. None of you were worried about her (apart from your DH) and just decided she was a CF. I wouldn't want you as a friend, even if I could afford to keep up with you.
Let's hope you never have an emergency on a night out because who knows what your friends will say.
Although I don't think this is real as the OP hasn't been back.

My husband can drink 2 pints to my one large glass of wine, yet I can drink almost 2 margaritas to his cider, how would it ever work to share the exact time and the exact price of a drink

Back in the 70s/80s we used to do rounds but we were almost always just drinking pints of beer or lager or similar so it turned out pretty equal. If not you might say "I'm drinking (whatever more expensive option) I'll get my own"
It would never happen that somebody could be on the double brandies while everyone else drank beer. Buying rounds doesn't work fairly nowadays so I guess fewer people do it.

The volume of drinks does seem rather large… I wouldn’t remember I had any dcs past 4 glasses of wine 🍷

Id go with the assumption that it was an unplanned early exit due to childcare issues and assume that next time you meet up she'll get the first round. If it becomes a habit it would be casually, jokily mentioned and someone would say your round next then?
But I would say that I'm a lightweight now days and 9 rounds would be a lot for me. I'd probably pay for around and then duck out early.

You're assuming a 250ml (large) glass of wine each time. I can equally assume a single vodka and tonic each time = 7 units, which is less than one bottle of wine. Still to much for driving, but there's no need to exaggerate.

@Sophiehoney - if this was a genuine emergency, and she was too flustered to realise she was ghosting her round, hopefully she will message the group when she wakes up (and sobers up). If she doesn't, maybe you should mention it - "I'm glad the kids are OK, but do you realise you ducked out on your round, after having 7 drinks bought for you?"

Then they’d have to have 11 drinks. Nine for that night and two from the previous one where 2 absolute bastards didn’t buy a round.
Ridiculous OP.

Count yourself lucky, and let it go! Were you keep tabs on the cost of everyone's drinks in each round also.....

Is this a one off or has she got 'previous' for the same offence?

If it's a real emergency then I'd cut her some slack. Just make sure she buys first or second next time around.

Unless she does this more than once I would assume that because of the emergency then she just didnt think. Each person buying 1 extra drink isnt really going to add a huge amount into the round...maybe £60 instead of £55 so its more the fact that you are upset that she 'got away' with not paying her £60 rather than everyone else missing out, presumably after 7 drinks it was nearly hometime anyway? We never count rounds (there isnt usually 9 of us though, usually 4 or 6) so it often ends up that 1 couple 'gets away' with paying for 1 less round but the next time we go out it would probably be a different couple so not really an issue.