Friend left before paying her round.

[Sophiehoney]

Hi everyone,
I need a sanity check on a situation from my local tonight, as DH and I are completely disagreeing on this.
We were out at the pub with a large group of 9 people. We were drinking in rounds. 7 people had bought a round, and it was down to either this one woman, let's call her Sarah, or one other person next.
Suddenly, Sarah announced she had to leave immediately because her babysitter had an issue and needed to go. She said a quick goodbye to everyone and dashed out. However, she didn’t mention the rounds at all, didn't offer to leave any cash, and didn't mention sending a bank transfer to cover her share. She had consumed several free drinks at this point.
After she left, the rest of the group talked about it and everyone agreed it was incredibly rude to "ghost" the round like that, especially when she’d benefited from 7 other people paying.
When DH and I got home, he said the group was being far too harsh on her because it was a childcare emergency and her mind was probably all over the place. I disagree, I think even in a rush, you could text the group chat from the taxi to offer to send money or even just acknowledge it in some way before you leave by saying you will sort it next time. Leaving the remaining people to cover the deficit feels out of order.
So, AIBU? Was she a CF, or should she get a free pass because of the babysitter emergency?

7 rounds? Yikes!

She does sound cheeky in the sense she contributed nothing to the evening financially and 'mysteriously' bailed when it was clearly her turn ... highly doubt there was a babysitter incident tbh ...

Yep, and 7 people did? That's the point of the whole thread, the difference between reciprocity and being used.

Never do rounds if you are a round counter. It takes out the fun of the night if you are working out who's 'go' it is.

Someone gets to drunk and forgets / CF

I'm not sure I could afford a round of 18 drinks!!!

I'd fall into a smaller, more reasonable size round. 4 couples max. Then after 4 drinks people can decide on how much more they want to drink.

It depends, she MIGHT have been taking the piss, but equally there are other possibilities, the childcare situation may have just been so much on her mind, after 7 drinks I'm not sure I'd have the facilities to remember in that moment I need to pay, but I'd either remember the next day myself and make a mental note to buy an extra round next time- I wouldn't necescarilly think I'd need to announce this to the group in a Whatsapp, but I'm not friends with people that there isnt an understanding that things eventually balance out, so I they wouldn't be bitching about me not having paid in the first place. If I didn't remember myself, someone would just say ' Hey, Your round this time you missed one last' and I'd be like oh yeah omg your're right' (again, wouldn't be an issue or a big thing, because were adults and can talk about things that annoy us without bitching or it being a big deal).

The point of round buying is that it's informal, something that happens amongst friends. It's not supposed to work out that everyone spends exactly the same. If you start asking people to transfer money to cover 'their share', the entire thing breaks down and becomes something else - it works on trust and not being pedantic because the beer Dave is drinking costs 50p more than the beer Jane is drinking or whatever.

If you are on a budget, moderating your drinking, expecting to leave early or on soft drinks only, you are better off not joining the round - just say "No, thanks, I'll sort myself out".

Oh jeez who counts rounds?!?! I’m sure she’ll get a round in next time.

Unless there’s a back story of repeated offending then YABU.

If she usually buys rounds and/or is generous then it should all even up over time and is fine. If she has a habit of disappearing at a convenient moment that’s another matter! Some people are super generous and quite liberal with money so think it doesn’t matter to keep things exactly even… and some people just never pay their way!

What use would she be in an emergency after a bucketload of booze 😊

Probably won't pay the sitter either, it's an emergency!!!!

I agree with your husband here. She probably hasn’t thought about it at all or just figured she’d go first next time.

Well yes indeed! I would HATE to be in a round with 9 people - I couldn't drink that much and 9 drinks is expensive!

Unless she makes a habit of being a scrounger I will let this go.

Your big mistake was doing rounds with that amount of people.

As for whether or not she was being a CF, it depends whether you think it was a real emergency or whether you think she was intentionally running off when it was her turn. Which is it?

Edited to add that in my group of friends this wouldn't be a big deal, and the person who missed out this time would just get an extra round next time. Assuming you don't make a habit of being friends with CF it all comes out in the wash.

I think it’s dangerous to do rounds with such a large group

was everyone intent on having 9 drinks?

she probably felt embarrassed so I would let this one go unless it happens again.

if you go out frequently with her, it usually works itself out.

Never do rounds if you are a round counter. It takes out the fun of the night if you are working out who's 'go' it is

Totally agree with @HarlanCobenDogshit on this. If you start doing rounds in a group it's virtually impossible for everyone to end up contributing equally by the end of the night. If you are the type of person that is going to be bothered by that, don't get involved in rounds.

How would she have made it fair?

nobody has cash anymore

should she have paid 7 different people bacl the cost of a single drink? Too messy!

went to the pub this week with a small group. a single gin and tonic was £9.25. I said 'let's not do rounds' and everyone sighed a sigh of relief and we got on with things. Rounds only worked when drinks were relatively affordable.

How can a single g'n't cost more than a decent bottle of wine?

Depends if she has form for this.

God FORBID you would have seven drinks on a night out (eye rolls) Does she have habit of doing this? I actually try and avoid rounds with anyone apart from best friends because people are really bad for this, it’s so rude. In saying that, if she doesn’t have habit of doing this it could genuinely have been an oversight… but surely she would address it a few days later!

I would probably question my choice of friends if I had to leave due to a babysitting emergency (single parent possibly), and instead of asking if everything was okay they just bitched about the fact that I had left before buying them their 8th drink of the night.

They were aiming for 9 drinks!
After 7 they must have been lashed out of their heads.
I'm surprised the OP can remember what happened on that night.
Maybe the lesson here is to buy your own drinks in future🙄

you were gonna have 9 drinks each WOW

Yes and how long were they in the pub and don't they have work the next day? The woman leaving was really the least important part of this story!

Chill. She opens the rounds next time. A round with 9 is mental for a mid week girls drink imo

This is why I hate rounds. I don't want 9 drinks, or to wait round for hours until people stop pushing me out of the way saying "you can get the next one".

Is this a group of friends you see regularly? Surely, she will just buy the first round next time?

My group of friends don't hold people hostage until everyone has paid their round; equally no-one takes the piss or tries to get out of a round. Our philosophy is, there's always next time!

She's being a CF. If she'd already had 7 free alcoholic drinks, she was hardly in a position to solve any childcare emergency anyway.