To think she could have just invited me?

[strawberriesandcream23]

I know I probably am being unreasonable and I’m just feeling a bit sorry for myself but I’ve found out in the only one from a group of “friends” who wasn’t invited to a birthday party at the weekend.

A bit of backstory, a few years ago I became friends with a lady through school who invited me out with some other mum friends she had from school. I didn’t really know these ladies but we’ve been out a few times and I’ve always thought I’ve gotten on well with them. We also have an active group chat where I chat with all the ladies regularly (we don’t all see each other at school run etc as I work full time)

Now one lady was 40 last week. I will be the first to admit I don’t know this women very well at all and haven’t spoken to her much apart from polite chit chat in person, so I would never expect to be invited to her party, but I’ve found out every other member of this group was invited to her party at the weekend and I just think if it was me, I wouldn’t have left one person out of a group dynamic , even if I didn’t know them that well. I’m also more surprised as I would say at least two women probably have the same relationship I have with her from when I spoken to them so it does feel a bit more personal. I would also understand more if numbers were limited but it was in a pub hall.

Are you all a similar age? Is there any difference in how much you all drink?

I can understand how it must feel from your POV however like you’ve said you don’t really know this woman or talk to her so from her POV why would she invite someone to her birthday that she doesn’t know or speak to.

Maybe just see it as a reason to start chatting more to her and aim to get to know her better.

Why would she invite you, if you barely know her?
That would be strange, no?

If your not close you need to let it go.

First thing you should do is check if you have been deliberately excluded or if there’s another explanation?

is it an open invitation or have people been specifically invited? I spent way too much time being upset about not being invited to a party one time only to find out it was a general event and not specific invitation only.

ask someone

I think you are BU, you don’t know the person whose birthday it was very well. It is their event so they wouldn’t invite you. It would be weird if someone else invited you to her event.

You are the only one in that group chat that wasn’t invited. You have no idea who else she did and didn’t invite. You also said yourself, you barely know her- or by the sounds of it, any of them really well.

You’re a friend of a friend and your friend probably peed off her long term pals by inviting a new person into their chat. We’ve seen it in here. Friend group have a WhatsApp group and one of them adds a new pal and whilst there’s nothing wrong with the person, she’s just a friend of a friend. So you’ve not been excluded from a group of friends, you’ve just not been invited as a friend of a friend.

No one did anything wrong. Just not as close as you thought you were to them.

week. I will be the first to admit I don’t know this women very well at all and haven’t spoken to her much apart from polite chit chat in person, so I would never expect to be invited to her party, but I’ve found out every other member of this group was invited to her party at the weekend and I just think if it was me,

she has enjoyed the chit chat and banter more with others. Don’t beat yourself up about it. And she’s done nothing wrong either

I'm in a group chat and there's lots of friends of friends in there. I'd only invite those I was friends with to my party and wouldn't even consider how many/who I hadn't.

It's abit strange to be disappointed by this to be honest, your acquaintances and she probably didn't even rememeber you are specifically in that chat.

To be honest I would not expect to be invited and to be honest even thought of. I have been to so many events where I have met friends of someone I know through certain circumstances like workmates etc. I am happy to chat with them etc but to be honest if I was making a list for a party etc they may not even cross my mind.

if it was me, I wouldn’t have left one person out of a group dynamic

This lady is probably unaware that there is a 'group dynamic' or that you are part of it. It's her party, she can invite or not invite whom she wishes.

How is this person (who you barely know) supposed to know that you are all in a group together? Why should she invite you? Did you invite her to your birthday? You must have known she was part of your friends group, right?

This, you are grown adults people invite who they want to their events just because someone does not get an invite only means they did not get an invite they are not excluded and they probably have no idea of this weird group idea you have created

I think the issue here is that being social media friends isn’t the same as being real friends.

I wouldn’t have left one person out, but I also understand it.

My workplace has around 60 women and 3 men. There are photos that pop up on Facebook sometimes of a small group, say 10-12 out together and I’ll feel a pang of envy at being left out. Then I have to give myself a good talking to.

We all have different connections within the group. I’m quite close to some people that my bestie rarely talks to or sees at work and vice versa. Of course we don’t both get invited to all the same thing.

Unless it really was all 20 women and just you not invited, I think you’re being unreasonable, especially when you say you don’t know her at all. Maybe a reminder to slowly make an effort to get to know more women in the group. Who knows, maybe there’s a great friend in there that you just haven’t spoken to very often yet.

I understand feeling a bit left out, but you really have to rationalise the thoughts.

I dont see groups whether it is 'achool mums' or work colleagues or friends from hobbies or even when i was at school myself to me people just become friends with or do events with people they choose too

Sometimes it is the same people sometimes different, i dont invite the same people ans dont get invited to the same things i have zero issues with this

Maybe if people dropped the group idea and accepted people as they are there would be less drama

I think it’s pretty unreasonable to feel entitled to a party invitation from someone you admit you barely know, and have only met a few times because she’s a friend of a friend.

She hasn’t done anything wrong. Of course she wouldn’t invite someone she barely knows, group chats are irrelevant.

Of course she doesn’t have to invite you, but increasingly I think these kind of invitations are how you develop or solidify a friendship that might be nascent. I guess she might not have had the budget but I do think it would have been nice if she could have included you!

But maybe she didnt want to solidify a friendship? Maybe she just wanted the people she wanted there? As unique the idea seems to be

I'm guessing that she knows the other ladies better than you think she does

Hence leaving you out - as the one she's not close with at all

I'd forget it. It's not a nice thing for her to do.....BUT there's probably a reasonable explanation for it

You said yourself you don't know them well or see them regularly. I wouldn't be expecting a personal invitation from an acquaintance on a group chat.