Cat care for DSis holiday

[CatTrouble]

DM and DSis are going away together at the start of November. DSis has 3 cats who were going to be cared for by a neighbour but the neighbour can no longer look after them.

DSis has asked other neighbours, friends and now me, as they’ve all said they can’t. I have also had to say I can’t due to other commitments which they’re aware of and with my sisters house being over half an hours drive from my house, I can’t fit it in with everything else. The cats would need 2 visits due to needing medication. I said she’d have to book them into a cattery but it turns out 1 cat isn’t up to date with vaccinations (can’t have them due to previous reaction) so the cattery won’t take them.

My DSis found out that my oldest DD is coming home from uni for that week as she has a reading week. DSis sent me a text saying ‘oh thank god, <insert my DD name> will be able to look after them, I was starting to think I’d have to cancel my holiday’. I felt annoyed at the presumption that my DD would do it but rather than say anything, I asked my DD if she’d want to do it. She was also annoyed at being taken for granted but has said she can’t do it anyway as she has reading and work to complete, has made other plans with friends for some of the time she’s here and has managed to get a few shifts at her old part time job. I said that’s all understandable so I have let DSis know that my DD can’t have the cats.

DSis and DM are annoyed and I’ve been told I’ve raised a selfish DD. I’ve said she’s not selfish, she’s busy and the cats aren’t her responsibility. They’re now asking if my other children can do it which they can’t due to being at school, college, working, not driving and one having an allergy to cats. DM has called me almost in tears that their holiday will have to be cancelled. I suggested a cat sitter and got grumpily asked whether I think they’re stupid and of course they’ve tried that but they can’t find one with availability. They genuinely seem to think we are being unreasonable by not helping. Are we?

I suppose it's either that or address the fact that your suggestion completely ignored what we know about DDs wishes for her week, like she doesn't even matter.

I thought you’d appreciate having the last word, but apparently even that hasn’t made you happy. 💐

Weird how you keep trying to change the subject away from OPs situation and your suggestion. A person who was actually confident in the validity of what they'd said wouldn't usually do that.

Also, just a wee tip. If you say it's your last post, generally you want to stick to that. Multiple posts claiming you're off because you're less invested than the person you're arguing with then not actually being able to manage that aren't a great look. One of those situations where you're best picking one option and going with it.

My mantra is now “I can’t give you what I don’t have”. It actually covers quite a lot. People asking for “loans” (always the same people and they never pay it back), my time and my energy. It helps to stop me getting guilt tripped by people.

You don’t time to help given its way out of your way and neither does your daughter. Yes, it’s a shame if they have to cancel their holiday but it’s no one’s fault, just one of those things.

Fair point about continuing to reply. I hadn’t anticipated quite how much entertainment you’d provide. 😂

I’ve stopped discussing the original suggestion because we’re simply going round in circles. I genuinely don’t understand why you’re so bothered that someone has a different opinion to you. Life would be rather boring if we all agreed.

What exactly are you hoping to achieve here? That I’ll retract my opinion, apologise for suggesting what I personally would have done (not what anyone else has to do), and promise never to offer an alternative perspective on a discussion forum again?

We disagree. That’s fine. My expressing an opinion hasn’t committed anyone to a legally binding contract to look after a cat. 😂

We’re strangers on the internet having a discussion. It really doesn’t need to be this serious. 💐

I have multiple cats. When I book I holiday I book the Cattery at the same time, and the cost of the Cattery is included when I budget for a holiday. You are not being unreasonable or selfish at all, but they are!!

If you were concerned about not going round in circles, you wouldn't keep trying the why are you replying omg you're so invested even though I'm doing exactly the same thing routine. It gets more tired the thicker you lay it on.

Your suggestion completely overrode what DD had said she wanted to spend her week doing, like it didn't even matter. Its all very well you talking about what you'd do if you were OP, but you're also volunteering other women's labour too, and descending into cod psychoanalysis when called on that. That's bad.

You need to drop the rope on this one, OP. It's their problem, not yours. They've asked if you can do it - asking after the booking, too - and you've said no. Your daughter can't do it either. It's up to them to find someone who can, rather than haranguing you about it. If you step back then they will be forced to look properly - I'm sure they'd be able to get someone local to do it for cash.

And realistically there is no way they've exhausted all local options. I can believe they might have made a couple of enquiries, but someone's going to be available in November.

You’re confusing making a suggestion with issuing an instruction. OP is perfectly capable of considering different perspectives and deciding what works for her family. Offering an alternative doesn’t mean I’ve overridden anyone’s wishes, nor does it mean I’m volunteering anybody to do anything.

You’re entitled to disagree with my suggestion, just as I’m entitled to make it. What I find increasingly strange is your apparent inability to accept that distinction without turning it into a commentary on my character.

And I’m genuinely struggling to understand what you actually want from me at this point. When I try to disengage, you complain that I’m not addressing your argument. When I address your argument, you complain that I’m continuing to engage. You’ve even had a post deleted for getting personal, yet you’re still accusing me of making this personal.
I’ve explained my perspective, you’ve explained yours, and we disagree. That’s absolutely fine. I’m not sure why that can’t simply be the end of it.

Given that you’re still here replying to me, perhaps we can finally retire the rather tired argument about who is more invested in this conversation. You seem determined to have the last word, so by all means have it. 😂

I, on the other hand, am not struggling at all to understand why you're trying this tired old I just don't understaaaaaand why you're doing the same thing as I am routine. It's extremely obvious. Because you know your point was a bad one. This is also presumably why you've started making things up- I didn't use the word personal at all.

It'll be entertaining to see if you finally stick the flounce at the umpteenth attempt. But you know, you are allowed to just let people point out the flaws in your argument and let it go in under 72 hours.