Cat care for DSis holiday

[CatTrouble]

DM and DSis are going away together at the start of November. DSis has 3 cats who were going to be cared for by a neighbour but the neighbour can no longer look after them.

DSis has asked other neighbours, friends and now me, as they’ve all said they can’t. I have also had to say I can’t due to other commitments which they’re aware of and with my sisters house being over half an hours drive from my house, I can’t fit it in with everything else. The cats would need 2 visits due to needing medication. I said she’d have to book them into a cattery but it turns out 1 cat isn’t up to date with vaccinations (can’t have them due to previous reaction) so the cattery won’t take them.

My DSis found out that my oldest DD is coming home from uni for that week as she has a reading week. DSis sent me a text saying ‘oh thank god, <insert my DD name> will be able to look after them, I was starting to think I’d have to cancel my holiday’. I felt annoyed at the presumption that my DD would do it but rather than say anything, I asked my DD if she’d want to do it. She was also annoyed at being taken for granted but has said she can’t do it anyway as she has reading and work to complete, has made other plans with friends for some of the time she’s here and has managed to get a few shifts at her old part time job. I said that’s all understandable so I have let DSis know that my DD can’t have the cats.

DSis and DM are annoyed and I’ve been told I’ve raised a selfish DD. I’ve said she’s not selfish, she’s busy and the cats aren’t her responsibility. They’re now asking if my other children can do it which they can’t due to being at school, college, working, not driving and one having an allergy to cats. DM has called me almost in tears that their holiday will have to be cancelled. I suggested a cat sitter and got grumpily asked whether I think they’re stupid and of course they’ve tried that but they can’t find one with availability. They genuinely seem to think we are being unreasonable by not helping. Are we?

When a relative let me down, I used a cattery. The local one was full so I had to use one further away. He seemed happy there and safe. Could you try ringing around to see where have availability as I wonder if she even tried hard enough?

Have they also called the neighbours who can’t do it selfish and stupid to their face? There is a chance I would’ve reluctantly inconvenienced myself by keeping the cats in one room of my house for the holiday but not after being spoken to like that

Of course you are not unreasonable. Nobody is obliged to look after someone else's pets. Your sister failed to make suitable arrangements far enough ahead, so now she will need to throw money at the problem. Somebody will want the job if she pays enough.

Lesson for your sister : if you don't want your life to be limited by the responsibilities of pet ownership, don't get a pet (or three) 🤷🐈‍⬛

i don’t think you mentioned cat sitters in your OP!

I find it hard to believe that a cat sitter can’t be found at this time of year. Perhaps your sister doesn’t want to spend the money? I know a lot of people who assume neighborhood friends will be perfectly happy to do it for free so resent spending the money .

Cats in a flat/Rover. Literally dozens of sitters and you book through the site. If one doesn't have availability for the whole trip, you just find two or three and daisy chain them.
Either way, it's not your problem to solve.

They are ganging up on you to try bully you and your daughter to give up your time for your sisters cats and it is not acceptable. I have been that soldier in my family and you get no thanks for bending over backwards for people like this. Send them the link to pawshake and others above and leave it at that. They do not care that they are infringing on your time nor your daughters and they think their time is somehow more important. It is not. Let them sort it out themselves and do not enter into any further talks with them about it.

Not even that much. My sitter last week charged me £9 per visit.

This is not your, or your daughter’s problem to solve. They can’t take out how annoyed they are with the catteries (who have rules) or with the unavailable cat sitters. You are their last resort, so they’re taking it out on you, which isn’t fair. But people often direct their anger and frustration at their own families because they know that they can and also that very often this kind of emotional blackmail will work with them. You have given reasons why you can’t do it. So has your daughter. They are the ones who need to let it go. DP’s mum used to pull this sort of guilt tripping on us all the time. It really does make you feel awful. People like that always forget about everything you have done for them previously because THIS situation is urgent and they just need you to stop making excuses right now and do what they want.

Definitely not being selfish and definitely not your responsibility. But thinking would your older DD not fancy staying there for a week if they cover her travel to work if its more.

OP already explained why that won't work with her daughter's plans and work commitments.

Another one who thinks that just don't want to pay.
If they offer enough, then someone will do it.

It's not actually mean. Do you think this would be the last time..? Nope.

Wow.

It's up to you OP and you're under no obligation to, but often families do try to help each other in these scenarios.

I would say that if you are ever in a situation in the future where you yourself need a favour you probably won't receive a positive response from your mum and sister!

I struggle to believe there's no way to get a sitter. Has she tried the Rover app and just expanded her search range for home boarding? I live in the arse end of no where, but I've always been able to find someone within an hour's drive.

Ha. My mum is more sexist, so just expects the menfolk of my generation to do it for her. She has no idea how difficult it is to find people, or that tradespeople need to earn a living wage. She thinks it’s still 1970.

Rover has cat sitters. Send them the link to that!

I think most of us would help family out in a crisis. But this is a planned holiday that I’m sure can be solved by throwing money at the issue. The OP should not be guilted into this commitment.

Did that cover 3 animals and medication?

Do this with Cat in a Flat - @Aydel asked above if it's still going, it is! I've never been unable to get anyone at all to come in and feed cats, so I suspect they're lying or have only looked for live in cat sitters. Check yourself for availability on Cat in a Flat - you can search for people near to an address - and then send her and your mum a link!

I think the sister is more selfish for wanting to ruin her niece's working week and time with her mum and dad so that she can save £20 per cat visit or whatever.

Don't have cats if you can't afford their care. It's no surprise that the sister had a neighbour back out of the favour. The sister should have got a cat sitter from the start.

Just one cat but she covers everything including plant watering and putting bins out at no extra charge. No extra charge for additional cats either as my friend also uses her and she has two.

It doesn’t work for you and your daughter to care for the cats so you have rightly said ‘no’

here endeth the conversation

what they do now re. Cat care is not your concern or business.

don’t get involved. Don’t look up catteries or cat sitters or anything else.

not your circus - this is for your sister to sort out.

her cats her problem.

don’t let her guilt you into any further involvement .

Your answer of ‘no’ is clear. Don’t engage with this any further .

her cats her holiday her problem - not yours.

Another neighbour? A very local and trusted teenager? She must know some local people, surely.

Also not yours nor your DD's problem 😌