Cat care for DSis holiday

[CatTrouble]

DM and DSis are going away together at the start of November. DSis has 3 cats who were going to be cared for by a neighbour but the neighbour can no longer look after them.

DSis has asked other neighbours, friends and now me, as they’ve all said they can’t. I have also had to say I can’t due to other commitments which they’re aware of and with my sisters house being over half an hours drive from my house, I can’t fit it in with everything else. The cats would need 2 visits due to needing medication. I said she’d have to book them into a cattery but it turns out 1 cat isn’t up to date with vaccinations (can’t have them due to previous reaction) so the cattery won’t take them.

My DSis found out that my oldest DD is coming home from uni for that week as she has a reading week. DSis sent me a text saying ‘oh thank god, <insert my DD name> will be able to look after them, I was starting to think I’d have to cancel my holiday’. I felt annoyed at the presumption that my DD would do it but rather than say anything, I asked my DD if she’d want to do it. She was also annoyed at being taken for granted but has said she can’t do it anyway as she has reading and work to complete, has made other plans with friends for some of the time she’s here and has managed to get a few shifts at her old part time job. I said that’s all understandable so I have let DSis know that my DD can’t have the cats.

DSis and DM are annoyed and I’ve been told I’ve raised a selfish DD. I’ve said she’s not selfish, she’s busy and the cats aren’t her responsibility. They’re now asking if my other children can do it which they can’t due to being at school, college, working, not driving and one having an allergy to cats. DM has called me almost in tears that their holiday will have to be cancelled. I suggested a cat sitter and got grumpily asked whether I think they’re stupid and of course they’ve tried that but they can’t find one with availability. They genuinely seem to think we are being unreasonable by not helping. Are we?

godmum56

I would😉

Have they tried asking at their local vet? They might know someone who cat sits or fosters, or one of the veterinary nurses might do cat sitting.

The OP asked if people thought she was unreasonable, I have answered and provided logic for my decision and used the idea that there are potential alternatives.

Is this your first day on mumsnet? You know it’s a forum and people give their replies and reasons, and what they would do. The OP asked if she was being unreasonable, should I have just written yes or no? Wouldn’t the poll then suffice? Or do we only reply saying what the OP wants to hear?

If you don’t like my response, that’s ok. If OP doesn’t like it then it’s ok too, she will just ignore it and continue with her plans.

I don’t actually expect the OP to follow my post like it is an instruction manual 🙄

University lecturer here: Reading week is not a holiday. I've set my students an assessment & reading to do by the end of reading week. They have labs, practicals, whatever to catch up on as well.

Honestly someone on local Facebook will do it for cash.

Have a look on here:

https://catinaflat.co.uk/

maybe you can find one near them!

She's not looked hard enough. She's just trying to guilt trip you. She'll have to try harder. Given all the unemployed youngsters around, I am sure someone would do it if she paid!

And is she really expecting you/DD to drive there and back (twice?) once a day?

There was another thread like this recently about a neighbour who had to rush off to Scotland to see a sick relative and was trying to get the OP's son to look after her dog. Can't remember the outcome but people are serious CFers.

Someone I know runs a small business- housesitting with pets; so they stay in the house, look after the pets in their homes; includes chickens, dogs, cats etc.

Administers medicines, takes in parcels, walks the dogs, cleans the chickens etc.
However, will cost a few hundred pounds- so I'm guessing it's down to this- she doesn't want to pay, she wants you to do it for free.

Logic 🤣

Sure if logic means expecting women to do even more in an already busy week.

Men are never expected to drop work and studies to catsit for their mum or sister.

Logic means rationale…I’ve never claimed my suggestion was optimal or the most logical choice, just that I have provided my logic (reason/explanation/rationale - pick which you prefer) for the suggestion.

Also what’s with the man comment? Have I missed something or is that a response to a different poster?

Belittling people and calling their suggestions silly is par for the course?

I don’t understand why you’ve decided to police this thread.

I also don’t know why I’m the target of your comments either, considering I have a rational suggestion, don’t expect OP to go with that, and also mentioned about cat sitting apps as the place that they should be going not just calling around places.

Have you got mixed up and think I’m saying that the OP has to look after the cat and by not doing that she is some kind of jerk? Because that’s not, and never has been, what I’m saying…I said that I would do it, as an alternative to them cancelling their holiday, but that I would expect them to do more to organise a cat sitter than just calling around places.

I’ve never implied or said that the OP should be responsible for these animals, I just think that if a person can do something to prevent their sister from losing a holiday then they should…not sure why you’ve taken exception to that.

Have a good day though 💐

Well I guess they'd best call some more!

This really isn't your issue, OP. It is a shame that the neighbour who had agreed has had to back out, but the issue is no one else's to fix.

If this is time your dd has off Uni, maybe she has a friend looking to make some cash. Instant cat / house sitter.

Important to be clear that criticising your suggestions and making factual comments about them isn't belittling you.

It simply wasn't a suggestion that was relevant to the information OP has given about the circumstances. We know how DD wants to spend her week, and it doesn't include this. Quite why you've taken exception to that being pointed out I don't know.

Yes, it's a whopping great double standard isnt it. But we see it so often on here. Women volunteering the time of other women and even those women's female relatives sometimes.

Why was your post deleted then?

You'd have to ask HQ that, standards of moderation on here often being esoteric.

Meanwhile, we still know how DD wants to spend her week and it doesn't include the half duties that you decided were relevant.

@CatTrouble any updates-have they been in touch again?

I'm not honestly sure about wrestling meds into someone else's cat.

Same. Food and water changes would be fine but I wouldn't feel confident about anything more complex.

🙄 you know exactly why it was deleted, it was insulting and belittling.

Anyway, you are far too invested in this one, so I’m out, have a nice day 💐

Dear me, as well as volunteering total strangers for hours a week of pet care, you also believe you can also read the minds of other total strangers? Some interesting boundaries there.

As for too invested, you're now on day 3 of complaining because someone disagreed with you. Pot kettle.

Where do they live OP? Maybe someone on here would help. I would if they are local. It can be hard to find pet care at short notice.

I can see you were keen to have the final word, so I’ll leave you to it. Have a lovely afternoon 💐