Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

OP is afraid of her DH, and afraid he'll dump them all if she puts her DS first for a short while. I'm sorry OP, you need to help your son out for a few weeks, and your husband needs to accept it. That's part of family life. What sort of man is he, if he won't do that?

I agree but I think she's afraid / conditioned by the bully husband she's with.

I would have thought a homeless, young, single man would be very low priority for points for a council tenancy.

He will still get some benefits while living at home. He can pay some rent towards his costs. I would also put some sort of deadline so he isn’t wasting his time.

He’s still your kid. You should help him.

If your marriage is so fragile that supporting your adult son will destroy it then you have much, much bigger problems than this. Your DH knew that you were a parent when he married you. You sound scared of him.

What about a 27 year old daughter. Would you feel the same?

Some years ago I found myself in a similar predicament. If my mum hadn’t let me come back I’d have been homeless. I slept on the sofa (she had a tiny house). I literally had nowhere to go and the local council weren’t even bothered.

Is there other family who can house him? His dad? A grandma etc? Friend?
Does he have any savings for a caravan to sleep in your garden. A camp bed on your sons floor or living room or kitchen even?
He should look at seeing if he can get out of phone contract and change vehicle his insurance is incredibly high. How much will he get for rent and is it all plausible he can find somewhere to rent that benefits can cover? As then it could be very short term that he'll need somewhere to stay.

Someone wanting to be rehoused (as in moved) is low priority. Someone who is immediately homeless (as in nowhere to sleep tonight) goes to the top of the list. This is why if your landlord is going to evict you for whatever reason, citizens advice etc will often advise you to just let it happen, because if you stay with friends or family you won't be top priority for housing.

Your marriage must already be in a very perilous state if having your child on the sofa for a few weeks would finish it off.

Are you not remotely embarrassed that you would put DH TV habits ahead of your son living on the streets?

Nobody needs a £50 a month phone contract, as stated by several PP, with £10-15 you can get unlimited minutes/texts and a large broadband allowance.
If his rent is £600pm I’m assuming he is in a city with access to public transport, so is his car really essential? Or could he live somewhere less central for a lower rent?

This.

Perhaps 'no one needs a £50pm phone.'... but once you HAVE one you cannot simply just stop paying for it! He'd have to buy out of the contract which could well be hundreds.. or more!

Why do people come up with these nonsensical solutions?

@nomorestripes Have him back, give him the kids room, have your little one in with you, set some sensible ground rules about contributing, housework and time frame. I'd also suggest heavily that he is away some weekends so you and your husband get your room to yourselves sometimes.

He can look for live in jobs?

Live in Job in Greater Manchester (with Salaries) | Indeed United Kingdom https://share.google/RsZUdcXH5diwFqqfu

What is his profession or experience?

Cruise ship? Cruise Ship Jobs - Current Vacancies https://share.google/OqkgmpJ3ICcFYz1w3

I just want to add: I tried to leave my abusive partner while pregnant. I fled to my mother’s . Despite all her promises, two days later, she was escorting me home as she said my ex had promised he wouldn’t be nasty any more. It took me over a year to leave again. I never forgave my mother - we no longer talk.

Now I am a parent, I can’t believe any parent wouldn’t help their kid. I’d sooner sleep on the floor than have my kid homeless

He needs to consider ANY job, cleaning, care worker anything and sorry to be harsh but £50 per month on a phone is ridiculous and having a car is a luxury. I get that you live rurally but realistically can you take him to work? We had to when son hadn’t passed his test but wanted to get work.

There’s some mean spirited comments on here. Presumably from people who have never been properly broke.

The OP’s son has always worked and paid his way, he’s not some feckless individual who doesn’t want a job. It is hard in rural areas, the buses in the village I am in are totally random and few and far between.

There are plenty of young people, graduates/professionals who are stuck at home because of the work crisis.

I’d put my son up in anyway I could OP, and do what I could to get him on his feet.

At his age, after a relationship breakup, I got a job with tied accommodation which thankfully was with a council so when I left to go to uni, they rehoused me in not a great council flat but nevertheless, I bought it, did it up and got on housing ladder.

Maybe look into something like that. What job does he do OP?

The other thing is I know of a family who have DS (in a similar position to your lad) in a caravan on their driveway. You can sometimes get an older van cheap. And I know of another who lives on a farm in a caravan.

They are. It takes them off the streets, but they can be in a hostel and stuck there for years when waiting for a proper home.

Do you have no relative that could take him in ? Grandparents ? Aunts uncles ? Friends ? Poor boy. Mine are in their 30 s and have boomeranged a couple of times in their 20 s . As long as I have a roof they are welcome however difficult a squeeze it is

Can he find a job with live in accomodation provided?

Where's he meant to live in the meantime? 🤔

He could be on contract, which means he can't just cancel his £50pm phone.
Having a car is a good thing as it opens up more opportunities for employment.

I’m sorry what am I reading, your son came before this man. He doesn’t want to help your son and will end your marriage if he moves in. What kind of a monster have your married. Your son didn’t ask to lose his job. You have a sofa and a floor he could sleep on for a few weeks

He's a young single man without children, it is dependent on area but in most he's not going to be rehoused anyway

Poor lad. I couldn’t leave one of my kids homeless because I chose to have another one as soon as they left.

Im amazed you’re thinking so negatively of him OP. He’s your son, he sounds like a hard worker not a sponger and he’s in a difficult situation. Surely you should want to help without question.

Can't he claim housing benefit to pay rent to you? I know families who do this.