Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

I don't think a 27-year old has the right to say to his mother, who lives in circs which clearly cannot accommodate him, nor can she financially support him, that he ‘might have to move back home’.
Nope. You don’t might any such thing matey.
That ship, in terms of any such parental responsibility, sailed in the past five years or so.
His mum should never have been given this pressure, what with her young child in her mind, and one has to wonder is DS banking ( ha) on mum and stepfather bunging cash at him out of guilt. Which would be an entirely misplaced emotion.

I agree. However, it's not going to make a difference at this stage as likely he has a contract which he must fulfill.

This!

Your poor son. I would 100% prioritise my child in this case! Many 20 somethings have had to move back home. I would at least offer him a sofa bed.

I would leave your unkind new partner.

He is 27! Not 17.

No you dont

I feel for you (and him) OP.
I really hope this is a short term blip.

If you genuinely think that him moving in with you (for a month or 2) would "destroy" your marriage then what other choices do you have.
Do you have £200 for the 1 months's shortfall or £400 for 2 months?
Can his dad or grandparents or aunts/uncles help with that or with a temporary sofa space?

Are there any hardship funds he or you can access?

Is your small 2 bed home the one he lived in with you previously? And your DH has moved in? If so then I do see why he might feel entitled to move back there as a short term fix and that your DH should accept some short term disruption.

So, where is he meant to live?

If it were my son I would find a way to accommodate him even if it's the sofa. However I would probably also advise he looks to rent a room in a city instead with more job opportunities. No point renting a room somewhere rural if there are no jobs.

So really it’s all about the dh and what he doesn’t want.
Sorry but I’d be getting rid of the dh and giving my child a roof over his head. Your ds will never forget his mother turning him away when he’s desperate.

If they are in the system and claiming HB too.

So what? My kids are in their 20s and I love them and will support them just as much as I did when they were younger.

My own parents are in their 80s and have always supported me and helped me out. I think it’s completely normal!

You have a DH problem.

Who owns the house? It sounds like it is either your house or housing association and either way your DS was there first. It is his childhood home.

Arh, but she's moved on - can't inconvenience her new husband and child.

Exactly what these two posters said.

Plus, the "horrible unaccommodating bully" of her husband already works like a dog to support himself, the OP (full time disabled carer) and their disabled daughter.

I wouldn’t take the risk with a young single man with no children! They are the most likely to end uo on the streets!

Why would it destroy you?

You are making some sacrifices for a while to help your own son. You’re lucky to have a sofa free for him.

Your new partner does not seem to love your son. I feel sorry for him.

OP's DH does not want to cut short his late night TV time, otherwise OP will suffer for it.
That does not sound like a healthy marriage to me (and most people on this thread).

Quite. At 27, has he no friends with whom he can crash? Not all blokes of his age who lose their jobs descend promptly into rough living.
Living rurally on top of his remarried and (surely stretched) carer mother should be his very, very last suggestion, I reckon.
(His expenses as listed can be slashed, for a start)

If he stays there until he is evicted then he can present himself as homeless to the council and will be given emergency accommodation, which is usually a hotel room. Perhaps you could help him put his things into storage?

I don’t think he’ll sleep rough, I think he may be offered a hostel.

I don’t understand why you think DH would need to support him?

He gets £400 a month and half of that can be given to you for bills and food etc.

Its insane how the government thinks anyone can live on £400 a month but if he’s living with you it will go much further.

For now, the front room can be turned into a bedroom.

It’s a bit sad that this is even a thread.
If this was my child, I’d be telling them to come and we’ll find a way to make it work.

It sounds like you care more about your DH than your child tbh.

Is his dad not around?

Well, let’s ask. Does he love her son? Does he know him well, and done so for msny years? Ever lived with him? Etc.

He has options. Either he sells his car, and sells his phone to pay off the expensive contract and gets a cheaper one, or he signs up as an Uber driver or Amazon delivery person. Those jobs are very easy to get.

Why is crashing on a friends sofa a better option than staying at your parents?

I’m sure if there was an option to house share with a mate he would have done that before sleeping on the sofa at his mums.

Agree with this. He knew you had a son when you met and married, now he’s rejecting your son when he’s most in need of help? What a cunt. Your DS comes first. If it causes friction in the marriage then so be it. I’d rather be single than with a man who is happy to see my child homeless.