Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

Oh goodness. What a sad situation.

Surely £400 will cover a contribution to you and his very basic bills , while he finds something else.

He could well end up homeless and living on the streets or his car. If you don't let him stay. With you.

Sounds as though he's always worked and been independent and just needs a bit of help now.

Assuming he's not a nightmare (addict etc) I couldn't say no to my son regardless of the friction is might call with my husband.

He has no money to pay for rent so he can’t rent a room. He has been living independently since he was 21, working and paying rent so I am sure he is capable. No job, no rent.

Nor is presenting himself as homeless a simple matter. As a young single man without dependents, he isn't exactly going to be top of the priority list for emergency accommodation.

This is exactly what my graduate eldest did on arrival in London in January, actually got two jobs, one in a school, having no qualifications and put in charge of a non verbal child in nappies, that job lasted precisely one day, the vetting was atrocious, the “agency” even sent me a link to be a reference because eldest stupidly put me down! The school principal begged them to stay, the agency begged them with promises of a better job in a better school with better conditions if they stayed with the “job”. The job was got because their friend was a teacher in a London school. From that we’ve deduced anyone in England can get a job in a school.

With no proper vetting! For working with children! BTW my child is not British.

Second job the next day was walking into a pub and asking. They did that for more than six months to afford rent/food until finally, after many applications, getting a job based on their degree.

So there are jobs.

The crackers and cheese for dinner by candle 🕯️ picture I’m not buying at all. If she wanted to she’d make it work with DS but all seems a massive inconvenience to her. OP doesn’t want DS to ‘destroy’ her new family end of. Sure she says as much:
That is the truth.
Her new family is her priority.

That's great he found a job that way. He sounds really motivated. I'm sure OP's son is also looking though, so feel it quite harsh she doesn't want to help him out. It's tough for some people and certain areas right now.

That’s not bad.
It is €380 the 3rd Tuesday of every month in Ireland.
It is just one rate across the board until they’re 16.

I've not RTFT (having a quick mooch on Mumsnet between meetings) so apologies if someone has already said this, but this doesn't sound right to me. I'm sure he can claim UC at the same as new style JSA as UC replaced the old housing benefit and council tax support. As long as he doesn't have savings above the threshold there should be additional benefits that can be claimed.

Try one of the benefit calculators available online, Turn2us is usually pretty good. You'll need his current postcode to get the most accurate results.

The OP has not explained why a 27 year old adult, with no dependants has zero savings from working, yet is paying 1200 insurance on a car, plus 50 a month on a phone, is receiving dole money, wants to live free with her, in a 2 bed tiny house. He expects free rent, free utilities and home cooked meals. Which is why her home is attractive to him, he can be as messy as he likes, as disruptive as he wants, upsetting the OP, her husband and a disabled child.

He is so bad his own grandparents refuse to house him. I’d let him stay in his nice car until he learns to behave. He can park it beside her house and she can allow him in at set times to use the bathroom, eat meals, as long as he pays for them.

As an aside, there is something seriously wrong in a house on an income of 40k eating cheese on crackers or sandwiches as a cheap dinner. Adding in the 27 year old to this cocktail will be fireworks.

He has ADHD. From the OP -s see below.

He isn’t deliberately messy or rude but he has ADHD and can be a bit hectic and rules aren’t his thing, hence he lost his job but he is trying to get another.

Unemployment benefit in Ireland is €254 a week, more when you first lose your job. There is in addition free medical cover, and rent allowance.

Where did you get the figure of 380 monthly from?

I’m not sure where you got all that in the first paragraph? Op hasn’t said he’s a nightmare that I can see? His grandparents don’t want him living there fair enough but surely his mum could step in for a few weeks. She just doesn’t want him there. 100 a month sounds reasonable for car insurance. It’s not like he can just cancel his phone contract if it’s a fixed term unless he wants to wreck his credit rating. If he was on min wage he’s hardly going to be flush with savings, but we don’t know much he was earning. Aside, 40k isn’t enough for a family to live comfortably, or even pay the bills. Maybe 20 years ago.

DCA is €380 per month.
DLA is £778 per month.
Disability allowance. Nothing to do with out of work benefits.
If that’s okay with you.

Your son is still your child. He will never stop being your child. I didnt see he is A child.

So just admit you only prioritise one of your children and not the other.

As someone else has pointed out, what happens when here daughter is in her 20s? Will she be out on the streets because she's no longer under 18? Perhaps you will have shacked up with another man who doesnt want her in the house. What will you do then.

He's your child so I would let him live at my house while he's looking for a job. But to make sure he's actually taking it seriously and looking, I'd put him on a blow up mattress in the living room. If you give him one of the bedrooms he might get too relaxed and not pressured enough to look for a job

Not everyone has ADHD, that is a disgusting and discriminatory thing to say. You are an extremely ignorant ableist person so keep your vile opinions to yourself.

Yes I misunderstood you, you’re referring to the Carers allowance, paid to parents who stay at home to look after a disabled child.

Honestly dont bother, this person is either a troll or extremely ignorant. Either way I've reported them for ableist language.

That’s so ignorant and hard hearted

Have you tried applying for a job lately?

Pointing out a grown adult of 27 should financially contribute and tidy up after themself is normal language. He’s been living away from home and working. Not sure why that is “abelest language”.

You are really a piece of work arent you. That isnt the bit which was ableist. I've already told you which part was discriminatory under the Equality Act 2010. The part where your dismiss his ADHD. "Everyone has it"

Replace the word ADHD with wheelchair bound and perhaps your brain will comprehend how awful you've been. Honestly grow up

I agree with you, nothing to get upset about.

I wouldn’t waste your breath on this person. Clearly no compassion whatsoever and no idea of the current economic climate