Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

This. He sees hard working and proactive in finding employment. I would try to find a way to give him a place to stay while he gets back on his feet. Do you want to see him on the streets? That’s were he is going if he can’t afford a room and believe me chances of finding a job when you are homeless are dire…

Your husband can’t suck up having him on the sofa for a bit? How mean. If he wants to stay up late why can’t he do that in your bedroom?

And you must be very precarious if you can’t afford some jacket potatoes or pasta for dinners for a month or so.

Your son will likely end up having to be a carer/appointee for his disabled sibling later in life so a bit of give and take now wouldn’t go amiss.

Also would his grandparents rather see him on the streets rather than help him when he’s in a really tricky position.

My god what a lovely family this sounds like.

If you’ve ever wondered how a healthy 20 something year old ends up sleeping on a park bench here is your case study: a mother who would prioritise avoiding friction in her marriage over the well being of her son. Absolutely appalling.

"if you can’t afford to buy it twice then you can’t afford it." - that's very good, I'm going to remember that.

This is exactly why saving is so crucial, and yes if he's been spending £50 per month on a phone for many years that should have been possible at least to some extent.

That idea popped in my head too. On the positive side it could be good, OP could get some respite with older DS around to help support with his younger sibling. But with the DH calling the shots ……

I do know that if my DH came home tomorrow and said he'd had enough of our child in need being at home, I'd find a solution that enabled me to support both the needs of the child and the husband. I also know I would choose my child even before my husband. I brought them into the world, they are vulnerable, and they need the support. Caravan on the property?

why so people so many hung up on the mobile phone contract 🤦🏻‍♀️ look at the bigger picture it’s the least of the problem Jesus wept 🤦🏻‍♀️.

That’s so sad

I wonder if some people would be more sympathetic if it was a daughter, rather than a son? It's not like the son has been doing nothing with himself. He's been working and has fallen on hard times.

The reason many working 20 somethings have £50 phone contracts is that they often need a reliable smart phone with data to navigate everyday life.

the £50 covers the repayment of the phone and is often paid in lieu of internet connection and a laptop.

Not quite.

Honestly this lad should get as far away from the family as possible if they really are happy to leave him homeless.

Im NC with my adult brother and I dont even think I could see him on the streets.

Yes, but here "the needs of the husband" are synonymous with "the needs of the 4 year old" or ar least very close. So then you're having to prioritise the needs of the 27 year old vs the 4 year old, and that seems quite obvious.

Maybe caravan is an option! I sincerely hope so.

From experience no.

He will wait years and years for council housing. He will be in the lowest category being a single male, D. You only get priority if you are at risk of violence, disabled, a veteran, vulnerable etc. My friend was made redundant and homeless, he was put in category D and told it was basically hopeless.
You have women and their children living in one room of a B&B for years waiting for council housing. I read that some councils have been so stretched they will give you a tent and sleeping bag if you are homeless.
He might get a hostel or B&B as emergency housing but these aren't nice, lots of addicts and people just out of prison there.
That's why there are so many HMOs springing up, no council housing, rentals unaffordable. And an increase in the visibly homeless.

@DancingNotDrowning couldn’t agree more. Everyday we see multiple threads along similar lines. How are so many women ending up/settling for this type of DH/DP aka dickheads/arseholes etc. Sorry I’ve got a bit of a bee in my bonnet tonight!

How about he looks for a job with accommodation, like Butlins, or similar places but smaller?

Well, if we're up to tents, a tent in the back yard to sleep in and being allowed in the house during the day isn't an impossible thing to consider if really desperate. Unless it snows and gets bitterly cold where OP is. Someone will have to invest in some pretty heavy duty camping linen then, and that's not that cheap.

And someone earning minimum wage needs a £50 a month phone to do that? Bollocks! They should be saving for scenarios such as the rainy day currently being experienced by the op’s son. Is it wrong to encourage young people to save so that should/when /if the shit hits the fan, they can survive for a few months.
Having said that I would bring my son home in the ops’s situation. The husband will be fine. Give it a chance!

A man who works 60 hours a week to be sole breadwinner for his severely disabled young child, whose only vice is not drinking or porn but watching TV quite late, and who pays into his wife's pension since she has taken on care responsibilities for their daughter? And who is now actually working under the assumption that OP's adult son will soon move in - it's just that OP thinks this is risky. Yeah, why do women end up with these guys.

Seems I have too! I just look at my little boys face and know I could never prioritise a man over him. What's wrong with these people?

The vast majority of child abusers seem to be men, but I am really starting to see how they get access to those children in the first place. Mums who cannot be alone, and place men above their own children. Gross.

but that's what you have said... it adds up to around this

I agree. Nothing the op says makes me think this man is a waste of space. He has suggested the eldest son comes home to them. He sounds kind. The op is the one who doesn’t want him.

Why is he only getting £400?

Single person over 25 is £424.90 plus his rental element which will obviously vary depending on postcode. He will obviously be expected to look for a job whilst on this but he should still get more than £400.

He will get job seekers too which is £95 a week.