I think keeping him in his current accommodation and then things I listed as ideas to achieve that shire first route.
if that doesn’t work, he presents himself and homeless to the council, just to see what (if anything) they offer. If it’s a hostel where they kick them out all day and they have to compete for a place with others who may be ‘higher need’, then forget it. He needs to lay it on thick with the council, say his family refuse to take him in or lend him any money and say he’s having thoughts of self-harm (even if not true, but it might class him as ‘vulnerable’ and be the tipping point needed get him into a proper room somewhere). They may even claim that owning a car means he has somewhere to sleep so they have no duty to help!
Anyway, if it’s not a safe and secure room that he also has access to during the day (it’s getting cold this time of year) then I’m afraid as his mother you just have to deal with the inconvenience of being overcrowded because if you don’t…and he ends up in a hostel or a park bench etc, surviving that situation and the dodgy people encountered can put him in a position where he gets stuck in a trap where he can’t even properly apply for jobs. If for example he end up not being able do laundry or wash properly, can’t get a proper night’s sleep…he will end up long term unemployed, and could be at risk of falling into poor mental health or associating with addicts who may draw him in (even if he doesn’t seem the type, when they are your only company it starts to become normal to be involved in that).
Unless your DS is a complete arsehole and impossible to live with, I don’t see why it’s such as problem for your DH? The fact that he would put you through the emotional distress of seeing your own son sleeping on a park bench (would you be able to sleep at night with the worry of that?). Sounds like your DH is the real problem here as every excuse you make comes back to him. I’m concerned that a having a well-behaved adult family member stay for what might end up being only a couple of months would ‘destroy’ you is an indication of the state if your marriage?
the excuse that your son would expect you to cook and provide food for him? Not necessarily, I’m sure he can sort out his own food if you are kind enough to allow him to stay, he would be in a worse alternative position on the streets and not have any cooking facilities at all so it’s weird to even be thinking about that as him placing demands on you and costs to your DH, he will surely just be grateful for a a place to stay. Just make the rules clear on what you are not providing day 1. He will be claiming benefits, so he will have a small amount of cash to provide basis for himself.
The excuse about DH wanting to watch tv? You’d really see your son in a hostel/park bench…which could end being a very dangerous situation…so your DH isn’t inconvenienced? Buy a cheap second-hand tv from gumtree and put it in your bedroom, DH can watch tv in there, or alternatively let DS use your bedroom to relax in for the evenings and have space from each other and then when DH is ready for bed then DS goes on the sofa..they would just pass on the staircase and DH would barley have to see him.
i think you have come here already wanting to say no to helping your son and are testing out your excuses on us…all of them fall very flat.
also think of the long-term relationship with your DH, if you decide not to help him, and he ends up seriously traumatised and living on the streets long-term…he’s never going to get over that rejection and lack of care from you. Unless your son is abusive towards you, no matter how old he is, the basics of not seeing him in a dangerous situation when you can do something to avoid it is an obvious choice.
hopefully you can find a way to help your son stay where he is and find at least temporary work quickly, but if not, it looks like it’s DH that is your real problem here.