Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

He would need a deposit and someone to accept UC also.

This is completely and utterly untrue. It’s BRUTAL out there

This, absolutely this

I'm afraid he can't afford a car. That will give him an instant savings buffer from selling it (even if just for scrap), £100 a month extra saved from insurance, and presumably almost £100 a month from fuel and tax.

I agree that he needs a phone, but £10/ month contract will be fine.

That presumably covers his £200 rent shortfall and will leave him a little spare for transport to interviews.

Maybe you and DH, spared him the prospect of housing him (at significant emotional and financial cost) could give him a bit of extra cash if he's stuck with transport to interviews?

I’m absolutely blown away by those of you saying let him figure it out he’s 27. Firm no. Etc etc etc. You’d really let yr son end up on a park bench in winter? No kid of mine wd be turned away, ever. There is absolutely always a way to make it work. I echo another poster who picked up what I did. I think it’s more about the husband…

Are you serious?

@nomorestripes You don’t have to be providing and making dinners for him. He will get some UC while he’s job hunting and he’s obviously capable of providing his own meals if he’s been independent these last six years. You’re providing a roof over his head while he job hunts, not a full board hotel.

If your husband likes to stay up late then he can sleep on the settee, your 4 year old can sleep with you and he can have the room for a few months. Anything is better than leaving your kid sleep on the streets. That way your husband isnt out out because he gets to stay up as late as he likes. To be honest, I wouldnt care what husband thought of it. I would be telling him my son is staying and thats that.

Have you completely lost ur mind??? What bloody planet are u living on? This thread just gets worse 😞

FFS he is 27 years old! 23 and living independently when the (disabled) child was born.

Are women supposed to never get in another relationship for life if they have a child?

OP - warehouse work, delivery driving, care work etc often have very quick or immediate starts. If you are rural, some of the large factory farms and slaughterhouses are almost always shorthanded if you have places like that nearby.

Worst case scenario, could he park nearby and sleep in the car while having access to the home amenities?

So the bottom line is that you expect your DS to be unemployed for the foreseeable, no one in the family can take him in, he can't afford to stay where he is, you can't afford to help him out with a deposit on another room, you can't afford to feed him, and you waited for him to move out, expecting him never to need to return, before you had another child.

Your son moving back in will probably reduce your housing benefit and possible council tax benefit by just under £90 a month, unless you or your DH gets any disability benefits.

If you really can't make it work OP, then your son will have to live in his car.
Would he be able to store his belongings at your house? Charge his phone? Have a hot shower? Heat something up to eat in your oven?

He needs to go and get advice about housing benefits. He should get enough to cover local housing allowance rent for a room in a house share in his area. He also needs to get a cheaper phone and a cheaper car to insure.

Don't panic yet. . He is not the only 27 year old single man whose unemployed at present. There will be help with rent on top of UC amount.

I don't see how you can let him move back in to a small 2 bedroom house and that may make it harder to access help with housing costs if he doesn't have any.

Try Shelter or citizens advice or your local housing advice centre often run by the council, for sources of advice .the job centre is the place he needs to go to for support on any retraining courses and job opportunities ..

Why does her husband have to sleep on the sofa so the son can have his own room? 🤣

Presumably because DH wants to watch telly all night! And apparently that is why DC isnt allowed to stay on the sofa.

I would not think a 21 renting a room with his girlfriend as having his own place.
What goes around comes around. I don’t understand why as a single parent for twenty years, you had another child in a bad financial situation. Surely it was hard enough the first time around, now you can’t afford to help your eldest child. Is this your home? His original family home?

Well, it might depend on the area but I know people of all ages/backgrounds, some with great qualifications and work experience who can't find anything. So OP, I've got a lot of sympathy for your son, and the way things are with phones/contracts, and cars in terms of insurance/MOT that's been paid, it's not as easy as saying get rid of them, especially as some jobs aren't possible if you don't drive.
So I'd move him in for now, as long as he's trying, OP. It's all very well to say those of us over 35 didn't get any help from their parents after 16, but the world's changed, and even the government seems to expect over 18s to get parents' money-otherwise why would uni funding ask what parents earn?
His dad should help out, too. Could he or you do some extra wfh things when you're not looking after kids, to bring in some extra cash short-term? I know it's not much money, but as said, getting traditional well-paid jobs isn't easy, and you have your 4 year old so couldn't do that anyway.

Isn’t it illegal now to discriminate against renters on UC?

This bit is ridiculous. DS will need to pay something, at least towards his food. He can't just rock up and expect certain things without contributing anything. Phone if he is still under contract and car insurance and petrol are fair enough, plus basic essentials like toiletries, but anything else is a luxury that he can't afford. If he wants cooked meals, he can cook them. Also if he's on benefits I believe that his contribution (and therefore the deduction from your benefits) might be lower, although I'm no expert so your should check this. DH will need to forgo the comfort of staying up to watch tv for a while, but I understand why he might find it difficult, specifically as the house is so small.

Deranged is right. The woman doesn’t want to help her son cos it’ll interfere with her husband's viewing schedule. Can’t believe what I’m reading

They won’t tell you it because if UC. They just won’t give you a contract when they run a credit check.

If I didn’t know any better I’d think I dropped into a Charles Dickens novel.

Yes highest rate for both components and cares allowance.
My parents won’t help, they say they love him but couldn’t live with him.
He is older than all his cousins who are teenagers and still at home themselves.
I don’t know his Dad now but he does and sees him occasionally but I don’t think they are close.

What kind of work does he do?

Would he consider live-in care work? It is hard work, but it is work, with accommodation.

Because that's a perfectly acceptable solution to the husband's "need" to stay up watching TV at night, and OP's fears that if he can't stay up watching TV the marriage won't survive, and the lack of space to fit a bed in OP's room for her 4 year old.If the husband throws his toys out of the pram, OP will know that this was just an excuse, and that her husband never had any intention of welcoming her son in his hour of need.