Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

I live in one of the cheaper areas of the UK. There are very, very few jobs here, let alone ones that pay a decent wage. It took me over a year to find a FT job, not through lack of trying. The wage was also rubbish, I earned more 14 years ago. It may mean a slightly cheaper rent but I wouldn’t advise anyone looking for work to move to one of these areas.

Then why has she even posted? Not once have I had the impression she’s trying to work out ways to have him, only ways she can’t have him. I slept on my mum’s sofa, he can do the same.

Even if your DH is the main earner, as another poster pointed out, he wouldn’t be able to work if you weren’t providing the bulk of the child care, so that money is as much yours as it is his. Your DH can’t stay up late, poor him, better him ‘struggling’ with no late night tv than your son on the streets surely?!

From what he said as he has just had his first job centre appointment is that because he’s contributed enough in national insurance he will get new style JSA but only for 6 months (one has passed) he will then be able to claim Universal credit but the housing cap for a one bedroom is £400 a month and although his is £600 it is the going rate for a room in a shared house and when he chose it he picked it as it was the cheapest he could find.
I will look into it with him but I am going by what he’s said so far.

I feel so sorry for your son - he clearly is not choosing this situation. You are choosing to keep your low earner husband happy at the expense of your child. This must be the tip of the iceberg in your marraige.

From the sounds of it he has no family to support him, just you. And he wants to work. What a sad sitation.

OP, this is what I would suggest.
Your son claims his UC, and also asks for an advance payment to help him out or even a budgeting advance
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/on-universal-credit/universal-credit-budgeting-advance/
If you are £96 a month out of pocket he can afford to pay you this and can feed himself incredibly cheaply on £30 a week or give you £30 to include him in your meals (but he probably prefers his own food rather than snack meals)
Your TV loving husband sleeps on the sofa
Your 4 year old shares a bed with you
Your son gets his old room back which will give you all some privacy
He finds a bank switch deal and may be able to get £200 or so cash in his account just for switching-look at Martin Lewis MSE website
You can earn £100 by switching to Fuse Energy on their app or website, and then will get a referral code you can use to share with someone else, which will credit you another £100 once that person switches to Fuse and pays their first bill
You or your husband or your son can access a food bank as you are all struggling financially
Your son's UC work coach will be able to advise on local opportunities
Depending on how rural you are, has he considered morning/evening milking shifts at local farms, lambing, hotel or holiday cottage cleaning, caravan or holiday home cleaning/maintenance.
Do you claim DLA for 4 year old, are you entitled to UC and LCWRA?
What does your husband do for work? Could he try to find any word of mouth opportunities for your son?

nail on the head there - Contract. All these people saying swap it for £10 phone. These contracts are tied in for sometimes upto 2 years. You can’t just decide you don’t want it any more

Single male. Last in pecking order.

This!

You're in a very difficult position, but I can't imagine any mother telling their child to live on the street. I can't see that you've considered getting bunkbeds for the 4-year old's room. Your older son can sleep on the top bunk and the little one on the bottom. That won't go amiss because when your older son gets himself sorted, your younger son will then have space to have a friend stay over sometimes.
You also need to make very clear the rules of the house in order to enable you and your DH to not feel so very encroached upon. You've made an assumption here that one of the extra expenses will be because "If he moves back he will expect proper dinners". He should do nothing of the sort. If you do make some adjustments to accommodate him having a place to sleep (rather than being on the street!), he should be grateful for that and be looking for ways to contribute to the household, not taking from it or "expecting proper dinners".

Exactly this, even ex army service men are sleeping homeless, so I doubt they’ll find somewhere for this man.

Just admit you don't want him back OP. You did what so many men do and had a new family forgetting about the old one. Never heard so many stupid excuses. I'm a mother too. I have faced possible homelessness twice in my life and I would walk over hot coals for BOTH of my children.

She's looking for ideas she hasn't thought of already - a way, any way, to make this work. But in this tiny two bed house, in which there is a disabled 4 year old in need of a full time mum/carer, most of ideas that have come up haven't moved the dial much away from her original assessment (ideas that contain even a glimmer of hope, she is saying she will look into).

Her words: "I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight".

I find it interesting that she's assessing the scenario in which her 27 year old would move in as being too much for her husband - who is already the sole breadwinner to a disabled preschooler. And yet on here there is just a chorus of - "your husband is coercive [because he unwinds by watching TV late?] and you should put the interests of your grown son ahead of the interests of your tiny disabled preschooler".

Well I meant as a contribution to the problem. If you cant afford it then thats different obviously

Well if he doesnt live in the countryside then I would say the car has to go, its a no brainer

I also agree that the 4 year old has to be prioritised, the upheaval (although you dont say what his diability is) would be very difficult no doubt, poverty, over crowding, stress is the recipe for a breakdown

A 27 year old should have friends, other options etc

Temp work as others have said, just sign up to an agency and take anything that comes.

And did I miss where his dad is, I havent read every page

My nearest hospital stopped taking on bank staff (maybe they still take nurses, but not non-medical). I noticed over the last year/18 months that my local co op have barely any staff, usually only one person on the tills and maybe two on the floor (several self service tills). It used to have loads of staff. Same with my nearest Sainsbury’s. Most places use skeleton staff now, especially since the rise in NMW and NI contributions. Add to that AI, there are slim pickings out there. Also add to that thousands of graduates every year looking for jobs. I don’t know what job utopia you live in but it isn’t representative of most people’s experience in today’s market.

I do agree though, once he gets a job he will have to seriously budget and forego unnecessary expenses and build up a safety net for any future redundancies.

The fact you refer to your DP and younger child as "our family" in one reply says it all. I feel awful for him.

This is a great question

Id find the space for him. Of course you can manage it. Get an air mattress for him and plonk it in the living room for him, hell, you could even deflate everyday it if its a bother. He's your son and although its hard, you need to take him in.

She’s got a shiny new child now….

Oh, that’s not good. 😕

£600 per month is a really reasonable rent, can you help him by giving him £200/£300 a month for a couple of months to cover the deficit whilst he finds a job? That would mean he doesn’t have to move and can focus fully on job searching, and still retains some independence. Obviously it will be a tight couple of months for him but hopefully enough time for him to find something job-wise even if it’s an interim job whilst looking for something better.

What about your parents? Any cousins?

Are you getting DLA for your DC @nomorestripes

She stayed single until her son was grown up and living with his wife/partner.

What you say doesn't hold up to that.

She's got a disabled 4 year old and a 27 year old.