Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

I would take my child in
Not saying it would be easy but I would do it regardless
My child would be as important to me as my DH and other children

I didn’t think benefits were lots of money, I’m not stupid. But how does someone pay their utilities and eat on 400 a month…they’re not fit for purpose

Well your husband is just going to have to have some early nights and retire to the main bedroom. Am I missing something here?

i don’t see from your posts, apologies if I’ve missed it but where’s his dad?

Well done OP, that must have taken a huge amount of tenacity and grit.

I think you're making a lot of sense in trying to preserve your marriage with your child's Dad, with very difficult things to juggle.

My son was made redundant, he came back home. It took him months of solid looking before he got another job. He now lives with his gf, but if he ever needed to he knows he can always come back home. He doesn’t want to, but just knowing he can alleviates a lot of the worries youngsters must feel today. Redundancy hangs too easily over them all, but unlike year’s ago it’s not so easy to walk into another job. Anyone who thinks the job landscape hasn’t significantly changed is not being realistic.

They don't. But that is what they get. And if you are under 25, it is even less.

Yes we live rural, he doesn’t live with us yet.
Why have you decided we can help with the deposit for another rental?

It would be a cold day in hell before I told my adult child they couldn’t come back home . What’s wrong with some of you? I feel sorry for your kids

I also wouldn’t be putting my husbands wishes above what my son needs right now. It will not be easy and he’d have to understand he’d be squeezing in but what parent would say no? Providing he’s not bringing addiction issues / is violent etc then shame on you if you don’t allow it

A few cocktail sausages and yorkshire pud is not an appropriate or nutritionally well rounded enough meal for a four year old. Maybe you should use a local food bank for some extra food if you're that up against it?

Report me all you want. Its clear to 99% of people on this thread that you had no intention of housing your son. What did you post for when you've been given loads of help and solutions but ignored them all?!

Excuse after excuse after excuse.

I do hope you aren't expecting him to look after you when youre older. I certainly wouldn't if my mum behaved this way. Feel so so sorry for the DC.

His outgoings is £150 a month not £400 a month. He can change his phone package and save money. Whilst he's not working personal purchase need to go on hold he needs to contribute £200 a month to you, £100 for food and £100 for housing element that you would lose.

TV in the bedroom/streaming to his phone, and DS on the sofa? I wouldn’t be turfing DD out of her room- currently motivated as DS might be I wouldn’t be giving him a whole room to himself while everyone else crams into one bedroom.

Isn't it reason after reason after reason?

With OP walking a bit on eggshells and deferring to her DH even on this thread, chances are the marriage is likely not to survive anyways. Reads like OP is also somewhat wary of her (praise me) ‘breadwinning’ husband in places.

Clear OP doesn’t want to inconvenience him but more than happy to see her eldest suffer and become homeless.

We don’t stop being parents whether they are 27 or 57. If OPs marriage can’t survive a temporary +one, her own DS then it’s not strong anyways.

She just doesnt want him in the house, your logic and maths will fall on deaf ears. Honestly it's like trying to have a conversation with Donald Trump or something.

So he goes to council. Declares himself as homeless and takes it from there

No. When you're a parent you should not be trying to find a reason to make your child homeless. Its an excuse to excuse yourself from being their parent anymore.

Hope that helps!

Your replies read as excuses, it sounds as though you aren't wanting to make it work. He could sleep on your living room floor on a camp bed and your DH could go to bed earlier or watch TV in your bedroom with headphones or whatever, he could put himself out. You could tell your son he can come back for a max of so many months. It's not going to be his dream situation camping out at yours. He's left home and always had a job and now isn't getting any practical support because you've got another family. If you were still with his dad this situation would surely be different. He's losing out because you're married to someone else you're prioritising over your son. Hell would freeze over before my children are turned away from living with me. I would make it work even if temporarily. How sad for him if you tell him no.

OP why don't you just admit you don't want your own son in the house
You see other posters above explaining the finances. You could make it work you just don't want to inconvenience that controlling husband of yours Feel so sorry for your son. Where do you expect him to go?

He needs to talk to his local council, they have a duty to support people who are due to become homeless, they have options that they can explore such as deposits for housing and discretionary funds.
is he looking at all types of jobs? We are coming up to Christmas, are there retail or restaurant jobs he could apply for?
If I couldn’t house him then I would be exploring extended family, if he did move in there needs to be a time limit and he needs to be supporting himself with food. It may not be ideal but it would reduce some of the financial burden.

Your son should approach Shelter for advice. You could at least do him the decency of pointing him in that direction before he beds down under a bridge somewhere.

I would tell him to go to citizens advice.

• If he has worked for that employer for 2yrs, he should get some redundancy pay: https://www.gov.uk/redundancy-your-rights/redundancy-pay
• The UC amount of £400/mo in total does not sound right. It sounds like it is only the JSA component. Perhaps he is getting £95.55/week for now as he has a pay cheque coming but after that, he should get more each month? Citizen’s should be able to help.

Phone will be contract - so not easy to change - possibly car on finance too
any other family he could stay with short term - 27 is a fully grown person but I couldn’t not try to help

If he's not staying up to watch porn can't he watch tv or game in your room with headphones?