Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

Tough situation OP. Between the 3 of you do you not know anyone with a spare room who could take him in very short term at ‘cost’ ie just pay enough to cover what utilities he uses?

I wasn't implying that you might have lots of kids from different partners, just that you were expressing less gravity about how enormously significant it is for children for their parents to separate.

Threads like this show why the mother and father living separately creates so many negative knock on effects for the children, often in totally unpredictable ways, decades into the future.

Staying single certainly simplifies it a lot, and if you've done that for your kids that's a real credit to you and a tangible help to them. Realistically this doesn't tend to be the case forever, and once a parent is living with a non-parent, the situation for the child is worse even decades later.

Absolutely agree. I cannot imagine NOT taking him in.

Can’t your four year old take a camp bed in your room and older son his room?

Car insurance and phone seem high.

He needs to find another job even if it’s something pretty rubbish.

Thats your child, would you rather him be on the streets? Would your husband turn his own adult child away if they needed a roof over their heads? Did you have him very young? 23 years between children is a very big age gap. If you needed a roof over your head do you not think your son would let you stay?

She's said the floor space in her and her husband's (her second child's father) room literally accommodates their bed and dresser :(

A few people have suggested your son applies for discretionary housing payment it will cover the shortfall in his rent meaning he can stay im the room. Meaning vhe doesn't nerd to come home

OP said he is "desperately searching for anything, but has not heard anything back".
The job market is shit right now.

‘Times are hard so I’ll let my adult son sleep on the street in winter because we would be out £96’.

I don’t know anyone in the family that would take him. He isn’t very close to them.

He needs to move to those local towns then, you can help with a deposit for another room rental, get rid of the car, you cant afford car insurance and MOT/tax in this financial situation

Unless he wants to live in his car

Dont live in the countryside if you're going to be in uncertain accommodation and jobs.

It is the case that people in rural areas need some form of transport because public transport is dire. I live in rural Sussex and the bus stops early evening and the nearest railway station is 11 miles away. So looking for work and getting to work needs a car, motorbike or similar, unless you are lucky enough to live right next to a station.

Almost 30 years ago, when I was in my early 20s I was in a situation which meant I was going to be without anywhere to live and with no job. I phoned my mother and told her. I'd barely finished telling her what had happened when she declared that I couldn't come and live with her and her husband (not my dad) because they didn't have room - apparently the spare bedroom was really small and the bathroom was tiny.

I was so hurt and felt so rejected. I never really forgave her and it's one reason why we no longer have a relationship. Please don't tell your son you don't have room for him. You obviously can't have him live with you forever in where you currently live, and presumably he knows that, but you can give him somewhere to stay while he gets back on his feet.

Am I missing something…why would he only get 400 a month in benefits if he lost his job? Aren’t benefits a lot more than that.

Is he telling you the truth

You have been reading too much Daily Mail. £400pm is what you get if you are out of work.

I'd definitely take him in however tight the space. Sorry- life can be rubbish but he's your son.

His contribution to the food budget will probably mean that you ALL get to eat proper meals rather than toast and crackers.

Wow. Your narrative that your DH is a poor hard working man wholly supporting his family is a bit rose tinted. He’s likely much older than your DS but still on a low wage, you don’t seem to be working, and you are both claiming benefits. Latest is you’ll lose £s if DS moves home. Sorry OP, it’s clear you care only about your DH, new family and yourself imho. There’s nothing anyone here can say as you want to be told that it’s ok to not take your eldest in. Unconscionable but you do you.

Have you recently tried to "just" get a job recently, even a temporary one?

You're probably one of these women who just dip into the never ending joint pot of money with no idea how it gets full...

When he said he might have to move back home, where does he think he’ll be sleeping? Have you asked him? Does he expect you to kick the toddler out of their room?

I was a single mum throughout his childhood and didn’t have another child until he was a grown man with his own place with his own partner.

Her "new family" includes her and her husband's 4 year old disabled child.

She might be wrong that her marriage might not survive her 27 year old moving home, but that is her belief as expressed a few times on here. Preserving that marriage and keeping that child's parents together is not something to be so quickly disregarded, no?

@nomorestripes if you just don’t want him back why don’t you say that? Nobody can make you, it might be better to be honest with yourself rather than coming up with excuses.