Son can’t afford to live at home but we have no space for him

[nomorestripes]

My son (27) moved out at 21 to live with his girlfriend and when that didn’t work out he rented a room in a shared house, he has always worked but lived hand to mouth and now he has lost his job.

He can’t afford to rent his room anymore as he is only going to get £400 a month in benefits and his housing benefit won’t cover all his £600 rent leaving a short fall of about £200, his car insurance is about £100 a month which he needs to get a job and his phone is about £50 a month which he needs to get a job and his car tax is due this month so even paying that monthly it all comes to more than he will receive.
I don’t have the means to support him as I am a full time carer for my disabled 4 year old.
My husband is not his dad and we only have a 2 bed house as our 4 year old was born after he moved out so now has his old room.
We have no space for him and I can’t expect my husband who is the only earner on a low wage to support a grown adult as well as his own wife and child.

He has mentioned that he might have to move back home but realistically we have a tiny lounge with a small corner sofa and two bedrooms so we don’t have room and if we did have our 4 year old in with us we have no idea how long that would be and he would be in no position to contribute financially and we only just scrape by as it is.
But… he’s my son and I need to help him as he is trying so hard to find a job and although this is his first month so he still has his wages left once his benefits start coming in he will not be able to afford his room.
I am so worried for him but I just don’t know how we can make it work, supporting him will be too much for my husband with no end date in sight.

I can see that. I think it's financially and emotionally abusive to provide support for your own child with conditions that make another child homeless. Its really not difficult.

If that's what kind of marriage they have then the 4 year old is better off with them divorced. Perhaps the OP will chuck out the 4 year old in 20 years when her DH wants more space for the telly!

What really stuck out to me was OP saying her DS could not sleep on the 4 seater sofa (so not a tiny one), because her DH likes to stay up late (doing what? TV? gaming? wanking?). Then also saying that her own DS staying would destroy her marriage.

TBH, if her own DS staying for a short while will wreck her marriage, then it is already fucked anyway.

Are you divorced?

That you're so quick to say she's for sure better off without the child's Dad, and that you don't see that in 20 years this scenario would NOT be replaying if they stayed together, because it's the blood relationship (lack thereof) that is making this so difficult.

Just wow.

I was about to suggest temp work. I'm not in the UK but I've done temp work and there was plenty of work available.

Um what? Now youre saying if she houses her older son she's going to end up having more kids? Do you understand reality?

You are just making stuff up now. Youre also showing your hand, you're being extremely judgemental about women who have children to more than one dad

Can your son sleep on his own father’s sofa? If not yours?
Are there grandparents he can stay with, who have a spare room.

can your DS reach out to a charity such as CAP to help him with with any benefit claims and budgeting? For eg £50 a month for a phone is quite an extravagance if he has no savings age 27.

Will your son have redundancy money he can use to support his benefits?

How sad that your husband is so mean hearted

Not judging. Just observing reality. Divorce is terrible for the kids and this is just one example.

I have slept in a living room for 3 years so my children have bedrooms and when my daughter's baby is born she knows she and her child always have a home here,despite the overcrowding.Your poor son, please don't let your partner make him feel unwanted.

None of this is ok. And it’s not ok for us to be searching for the lowest common denominator with low waged families bearing the burden of living in a capitalist society frankly out to get them.

The only reasonable thing your son can do that he can control is move to a town with cheaper housing

It is UTTERLY SHIT for him and honestly this is a stark warning to all on this thread who have young people in their lives who are going to massively struggle when AI takes the vast majority of jobs.

you and your children are NOT SAFE. The OP’s son is first in the firing line. Yours are soon.

Mad posts on here that do not understand current UK job or rental conditions. Or mobile phone contracts! The job market is horrendous, AI filters so much out, there are multi stage interview process even for temp retail jobs. You can't just hand over a CV and get work. It's laborious to say the least. Rents are so high even for rooms.
People on here are imagining there's a labour exchange where you queue up and leave with a job on the same day it's mental.
You have to pay to leave a mobile contract or wait until it's up before swapping to a SIM only option. It's hardly going to save his situation now.
He will be entitled to U.C with housing benefit. If rent is above the housing benefit limit he can apply for a discretionary top up payment from the council. This is definitely worth looking at right now. He should make phone calls to the council, citizens advice etc and look at online benefit calculators etc.
It will be brutal trying to survive on U.C though and run a car too while renting. He may have to access food banks etc. But if he doesn't have a car his chances of employment go down too. Being able to get to a range of work is always best.
If he does move in temporarily your husband won't have to support your son, your son will still be entitled to U.C of £424.90 monthly. He can pay rent to you and buy or cook his own food. He's been living independently for 6 years so I don't see why he couldn't cook for himself. It seems like nitpicking honestly.
I couldn't say no honestly he seems hardworking and it doesn't seem like he wants to come home and lay about. I feel sorry for him conditions are pretty shit right now. When I was in my twenties you could send a CV to an agency and get a job starting in a couple of days, rentals were affordable and easy to find from adverts. You didn't need massive deposits and guarantors. Now anything affordable is snatched up immediately.

Tent in the garden.....

OP does not want her 27 year old to move back home because it will inconvenience her and her current DH - that much is clear.

Hope she has the decency not to expect too much from him when she's elderly and needs help from him. People never seem to look back and realise where they've let their children down when the help they expect is not necessarily forthcoming.

He may also be eligible for ESA OP. Its contributions based and you can claim for 6 months.

In October, going into November... are you on glue?

Yep I'm divorced. I dont have loads of kids with different men if that's what you're getting at.

It is far better for children to be with a stable and kind single mum than a marriage that is controlling and abusive. If you think otherwise you appear to be stuck in the 1950s.

You can’t just stop paying a phone contract because you can’t afford it. You’re locked in.

This may have already been suggested, I haven’t read all the replies, but what about bunk beds in your 4 year olds room?

How is having a cheaper phone really going to help. He saves £40 per month not really going to help his situation is it.

OP, you take your son in. F what your partner thinks about it. One day you may need his help in a similar situation. You never not help your children. My house will always be welcome to any of my kids and children.

I feel rather sorry for your DS. It seems you and especially your husband don't want him at home, which is really sad.
If he's getting £400 a month surely he can contribute towards food and get a cheaper phone. If he has to rely on busses and get rid of his car then he can do that too. as presumably that's what he did before he could drive.
Does your youngest get DLA? Do you get carers allowance? Why is what your husband earns is his money? It's family money and that includes your son. It's not his fault he lost his job and you need to help him on a temporary basis.
Having said that I'm laughing at the posters saying he should get another job and why hasn't he. The job market is shit at the moment. There just aren't the jobs there.

your husband is honestly a vile selfish man and I really feel so devastated for all the children with step parents like this. he is your son in a desperate temporary time of need and you're happily with a man who doesn't even want to entertain the idea of helping him not be homeless.

We will also lose £96.55 a month in our housing benefit which we can’t afford because he will be living with us even though not contributing anything because he won’t have it with his car and if he did pay it we wouldn’t see it anyway so the financial burden is on us with losing money we can’t afford and have an extra adult to support.
£400 is not going to allow him to pay back the money we lose and make a financial contribution and pay for his car and personal things and pay for his food. Times are hard at the moment and we just about have our heads above water I don’t think it’s right the burden should fall on Dh who is struggling to support us.
Yes he is my child but he is 27 and while I want to support him we have a dependent disabled 4 year old so have had to make huge financial sacrifices to care for those needs one becoming a full time carer.

That isn’t DS fault but it does feel like we will be the ones penalised and I don’t think it will be for a few months as the job market is tough and so is finding affordable accommodation on a single minimum wage so it likely will be long term or at least for the foreseeable which puts a lot of strain on an already strained household.

@Sunbringer It's worth him looking at the fine print though as he may be able to opt out of certain services. My DH looked at our family contract last month and realized that we could reduce our bill by opting out of some things- I can't remember exactly what off the top of my head, but it's saved us about £14 a month, which is something.

This . He’s supported himself for years and has hit a bump in the road . By all accounts he is a hard worker and doesn’t want to be out of work so yes I’d support him .
And all these shit dads out there , always the mums who have to step up in an hour of need .

For everyone commenting on his £50 phone cost - isn’t it obvious that he’s almost certainly on a contract that involves paying off the handset?

Yours,

Poster who pays GiffGaff £8 per month but who bought the actual phone outright