AIBU: It’s a vegan one

[FiveMetresUp]

We have a work event scheduled for just before Christmas. All staff are invited along with their spouses and children. There will be food, Santa, games, etc. It sounds like a lot of fun. I am quite new to the company. I asked the organizer if our vegan family would be catered for and she said she “would try”. AIBU to be a little annoyed at this?

We have been vegan for a long time. I don’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation or, as is the case here, we have been invited to an event. We are always grateful when people cater to us, but most of the time they don’t bother.

AIBU to just not go? It would be a shame because it sounds like a lot of fun, but if the organizer can’t be bothered to lay on a few bits of vegan food, then I don’t feel that my family and I are welcome.

AIBU?

Get out of bed the wrong side did we?

Yes I think its exactly that. People imagine vegans see themselves as superior and are judging non vegans. When in fact most of us live happily amongst people who eat animal products, and mind our business, eating in the way we choose, and ask only for the same courtesy.
And absolutely re the crossover. Veganism about what we do eat as much as what we don't and the things we exclude leave plenty of options that everyone else eats too.

Don’t go if you are going to be resentful. She said she would try which presumably meant she wanted to speak to the caterers before she confirmed.

You say you are grateful when people do cater to your preference - why so resentful when they can’t?

I can’t eat 99% of things that are provided at events like this (AuDHD and possibly arfid) so I eat before I go.

Sounds like a good idea - of course if she has arranged for specific vegan food and you don’t go, then I imagine she will become even more difficult to deal with in future.

Didn't she say 'I will try'? Surely that means she has acknowledged your request and will try to cater to it. You're presuming she will not try!

But there’s a distinct difference in the fact they don’t eat meat or dairy for whatever reason whereas you can eat vegan food if necessary and in fact likely do sometimes without even realising.

I think you'd be cutting your nose off to spite your face if you didn't go.

I had no idea veganism was a protected characteristic, perhaps the organiser doesn't either, and, unreasonably, thinks you are just being fussy.

Having organised large office work do's myself, it's massive pain in the arse, with half the office coming at you with wants and needs and desires, it's a bit like organising a wedding full of all the most awkward (not calling you awkward) can't do anything for themselves relatives. If your colleague is already not very amiable or understanding you've not got much hope!

Do you have a line manager you can mention it to? Or when people start chatting about it in the office, just casually mention you are a bit worried about the food, perhaps word will get round and someone will help you out? Or just stand your ground and tell her there needs to be vegan options (I know that's hard).

Just take your own food? We always take our own because buffets are mostly awful.

'Specific vegan food' being food most people can eat.

If she's got a problem with that then she's an idiot.

Touché

How is that all that different, though? I suppose 'dietary requirements' covers allergies, religious and ethical requirements; but if you say "I don't/won't/can't eat any meat or animal products", isn't that pretty much the same as saying "I am vegan"?

If anybody is hoping that people will assume that it might be allergy-based and not question or complain, are there many people out there who are allergic to every single kind of meat, as well as all dairy products?

That you take sensible precautions to ensure your own comfort in life.

I'm veggie and at times that is either not catered for or done in a very unhealthy or limited way. I make sure to either check, which you don't seem willing to do as you don't want to upset your boss. Or sort myself out.

You have had a range of sensible suggestions of how to approach it with your boss or how to avoid the issue. You don't seem to like any of the suggestions.

Gosh! I’ve never encountered anyone like that, usually people are happy to not have to be responsible for communicating other people’s dietary requests! Well If she’s going to be controlling about the event and the caterers then she had better make sure that all requirements are catered for, for all colleagues, otherwise she could be in trouble with HR for discrimination

I think the organiser is being incredibly unreasonable. We ask all new staff for food allergies / intolerances and preferences, and we make a note and account for each and every one. We have people who don't eat pork, only eat halal food, are vegans and vegetarians, lactose intolerant, gluten free and don't eat shellfish and we factor that in to every event. Did they not ask for allergies and preferences ahead of the event? That sounds like a massive red flag to me, especially for staff with food intolerances and allergies.

They should cater to you.

Maybe she doesn't realise vegan food can be really easy and doesn't have to be Quorn

Sandwiches
Mini vegetable pasties, made with vegetable shortening/oil
Vegetable samosas
Crisps
Scones with jam
Victoria sponge made without egg/dairy
Apple pie
Apple crumble slices
Jam tarts
Flapjacks

What does that teach your kids?

Send office manager an email cc’ing your manager and HR.

Hello, as discussed in person, I wanted to check if the dietary requirements of my family and I will be catered for at this event please? As you said you were not sure. We won’t be able to attend otherwise so I’d appreciate knowing in advance. Thank you.

I think you would have a case for unfair treatment if they can’t cater for you.

I find it a bit odd that you say you have repeatedly encountered this issue. I have never worked anywhere (or at least for the last 10 years) where catering for a vegan diet has been anything but the norm. It’s completely standard for caterers to offer a range of options for different dietary needs.

Are you sure you aren’t being a little over worried about asking for confirmation? Just a quick cheery email saying “Hey Sandra, can you please confirm that the caterer has said they will provide vegan food for me and my family? As you know, we won’t be able to come otherwise. Thanks!”

Right? As an event organiser I would be very happy. But I would have already passed on to the caterer that we need some vegan food so this lady sounds truly psycho / out of order anyway.

If anyone thinks ordering a few different options is 'a massive pain in the arse' then they are a poor event organiser.

It's event organising 101 to be able to cater to vegetarians and vegans.

As a chef I think it's a reasonable request

Come on OP stand up for yourself. Tell your manager. You don't have to make a complaint, just ask if she/her kids are planning to go to the event, then say hmmm I am still deciding about us as [horrible woman] said she couldn't guarantee there would be any vegan food available. It would be a shame to miss out but I can't bring them and them have nothing to eat.

And see what your manager says. Hopefully 'I will have a word.'

Would you say that to a Muslim or a Jew?

What about Christians - do you tell them they shouldn't take their kids to Church?

As the OP said, it's you who have been indoctrinated - by the companies who are beholden to their shareholders and pay out on the back of the dairy animals who suffer a lifetime of misery, and those who are slaughtered in panic and misery for meat.

And you've also been indoctrinated to make a completely arbitrary distinction between a dog (I could never!) and a pig (yes, more than happy for these equally intelligent and emotionally aware creatures live lives of unimaginable awfulness before being herded in abject terror towards the abbatoir!)

They need to cater for people with actual dietary restrictions. Veganism like most dietary groupings is a preference. It is ideal as a host to provide food for people they will enjoy, but sometimes people just won’t like what is on offer.

The priority should be making sure people with medical restrictions have food to eat. It absolutely is a hierarchy and currently the rare allergies are at the bottom.

I meant the organising of big office functions is a massive pain in the arse in general.

In my office, more often than not so many people would have big needs, small desires, queries, could never remember any details, lose, invites/tickets/directions, change their minds about things, change details about the plus one, be travelling from somewhere that was not their usual place, request particular airlines, train lines, taxi companies, hotels. Not like the dress code, not understand the dress code, not want to be sat next to certain people, or several people wanting to be sat next to the same person, the list goes on and on and on and on, even if it is just passing the details on to the venue it can still be a massive stress.... I hated it, it came under 'other ad hoc duties' in my job description, it wasn't a specific task I signed up for but it fell in my lap, mostly because my colleague int he same role was shit at it. Most people don't enjoy every aspect of their job, this was a job I found a massive pain in the arse.

Depends what it consists of. Just because something is vegan, doesn’t mean non-vegans will eat it if it isn’t in ‘original form’ - fine for food that is already vegan but not necessarily for vegan substitutions for non vegan food.

And she didn’t say no, presumably she will check with the caterers.

Because I am so restricted, I either don’t go or don’t eat when I’m there.

However this is clearly not about practicality but principle so it’s more complex.