AIBU: It’s a vegan one

[FiveMetresUp]

We have a work event scheduled for just before Christmas. All staff are invited along with their spouses and children. There will be food, Santa, games, etc. It sounds like a lot of fun. I am quite new to the company. I asked the organizer if our vegan family would be catered for and she said she “would try”. AIBU to be a little annoyed at this?

We have been vegan for a long time. I don’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation or, as is the case here, we have been invited to an event. We are always grateful when people cater to us, but most of the time they don’t bother.

AIBU to just not go? It would be a shame because it sounds like a lot of fun, but if the organizer can’t be bothered to lay on a few bits of vegan food, then I don’t feel that my family and I are welcome.

AIBU?

Ha ha yes....I got a laugh at that post too! Normal 😆

So not only are your son and his wife not catered for at company paid for events, they end up feeding other people? Honestly, that’s messed up.

If people ask me why I’m vegetarian I just tell them it’s my personal choice and shut it down. Of course you get the people who take a forkful of their meat and wave it around going ‘oh yummy, don’t you miss it?’ And I just give them a look. Honestly I don’t really care what other people think of me and I don’t entertain it as a conversation piece.

when I was younger I was taken out by a new job and the only non meat option was salmon 🙄

I'm not either. I'm a meat eater.

I've had that too. I had bread and dripping literally waved in my face once. My family/friends/acquaintances are normal, hardworking, professional, civilised people, not uneducated morons, but sometimes I question....

So did you say then that you and your family are vegan?

Yeah I keep telling DH he doesn't have to answer when asked the question. TBH maybe he should just ask people why they eat meat. Make people think about THEIR choices for a change and get them off his.

That won’t work because eating meat is the norm.

honestly if it’s asked in bad faith I will answer ‘I’m a bit bored explaining it to be honest’

but I have to say I get very few comments these days - that was more 10-20 years ago

So you're used to being catered for all your life.

I think you are right, @BeardySchnauzer .

It tends to be asked in a slightly combative way- more often than a genuinely interested way. As you know, you can tell the difference.

I think another reply is ‘oh are you interested in becoming vegetarian?’ And then let them blather on about how much they love meat etc and leave it ‘oh well we’re all different I suppose’

I have both vegetarian and vegan friends and family. I always cater for them when they visit my home. It would never cross their minds to do that for me.

They don't cater for you?

Or do you mean they don't go against their beliefs for the sake of your palate.

Those things are quite different.

So therefore I havent been catered for all my life.
Yep I'm very much aware that vegans and vegetarians consider that their beliefs render them incapable of offering the hospitality they expect from others.

I’m a vegetarian and cook meat dishes for family 🤷🏻‍♀️

however, my very much carnivorous mother would not cook meat with every meal so having a meal sans meat doesn’t seem that alien a concept

I think you misunderstood. They tip their food onto a plate to eat off.
They don't mind. They just have very strict ideas about eating and don't fit into any catering styles.
They find it less stressful all round and no hard feelings.

Raising a kid vegan means non-stop nutrient tracking for stuff like B12 and iron just so their growth stays on track. Plus, at an age where fitting in with friends matters most, it just singles them out at school lunches, playdates, and birthday parties.

Yep I'm very much aware that vegans and vegetarians consider that their beliefs render them incapable of offering the hospitality they expect from others.

Eh? The people you have described expect veggie/vegan food and offer it in return.

That's the opposite of what you're claiming.

I wouldn't go, it's not a big ask and absurd that they can't cater to a simple request.

I think the reckoning is that they are respecting your chosen diet (strictly no meat and/or dairy products - and sometimes also the request/expectation that they will not eat meat themselves whilst dining with you); but you are not respecting theirs - which, for many omnivores eating a main meal will usually include food from all food groups, including meat and dairy.

By way of analogy, if you have to regularly communicate verbally with somebody who doesn't have the same native language as you... if you cannot speak a word of their language, but they might know enough of yours to make themselves understood, inevitably, you're going to end up with you getting your 'choice' of language whilst they never do.

Even if it's a case of an English person and a Welsh-speaking Welsh person, you will inevitably automatically end up speaking to each other in English - which, whilst the latter will be undoubtedly fluent in English, it isn't their own natural language which they prefer and feel most comfortable in, and so they are having to make a compromise which the other person never does for their benefit.

Surely much of the food will already be vegan (salads,bread, crisps) so it’s not like you won’t be able to eat anything.

This is about making a point. It is a bit childish to stamp your foot about it when you have plenty of options and presumably nobody has actually refused ?

The catering company may not supply vegan food. I ordered vegetarian food for Dsis and her family as a compromise. The company put egg in the sandwiches so it was pointless.
I am sure that they will supply a vegan platter if required, if not, bring your own food.

AuDHD is also protected (I have diagnoses for both). So should I provide a list of what I can eat when I am to attend an event? Now that would go down * *well!

I had to cancel a weekend away a few years ago because my friends wanted to eat lunch and dinner at two different places and there was literally nothing on the menu I could have eaten as the cuisine wasn’t as mainstream as, say, Chinese or Indian.

Everyone was excited to be trying the food so it’s not like I could ask them to change the venue. Yet they could have eaten dishes from the places I could have gone to but sometimes you just have to suck it up and understand that is life.

And saying ‘I’ll try’ means ‘I will check with the caterers and get back to you’

Not sure language ability is analogous to what foods you fancy! I do understand what you're saying but it's simply untrue to say that in that situation the veggies were asking for something (veggie food) they weren't providing.

It's more like agreeing to exchange gifts, then kicking off because you both exchanged handbags from Next, when one party quite fancied a Louis Vuitton

It can be fun to do.
'So do you eat meat because you've just never thought about it and it's the way you've been brought up, or is it a conscious decision and you think you're top of the food chain '
You'll get the usual blokes who brazen it out but can be fun to see people's mind turning the question over.