AIBU: It’s a vegan one

[FiveMetresUp]

We have a work event scheduled for just before Christmas. All staff are invited along with their spouses and children. There will be food, Santa, games, etc. It sounds like a lot of fun. I am quite new to the company. I asked the organizer if our vegan family would be catered for and she said she “would try”. AIBU to be a little annoyed at this?

We have been vegan for a long time. I don’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation or, as is the case here, we have been invited to an event. We are always grateful when people cater to us, but most of the time they don’t bother.

AIBU to just not go? It would be a shame because it sounds like a lot of fun, but if the organizer can’t be bothered to lay on a few bits of vegan food, then I don’t feel that my family and I are welcome.

AIBU?

Just back from Paris and no problem at all with veggie options. Also was amazed to see a couple of vegan ones( ratatouille tart , dark chocolate mousse, aubergine steak with veggies....things changed since ladt time I was there 10 years ago!)

Yes it’s much easier in France now. But there was always the omelette aux fines herbs for the vegetarians!

Sorry, just to clarify, my DC are older. I mentioned Santa as part of the entertainment but they are not young children who believe in Santa!

Also I think this is worth mentioning... before DH quit his job to go self-employed, he worked for a large company. He was a senior manager. Every single time there was an event they didn't cater for him. The final straw was when he was flown to an awards ceremony where he was presented with an award. The dinner was a banquet. DH was served a plate of sliced tomatoes. That's it.

I used to get annoyed at him for not standing up for himself, but he always said he would face ridicule for "bleating on about being vegan". I get that now.

It’s normal for work event organisers to ask in advance for dietary requirements and then check what the caterer can accommodate.

Perhaps they are going to ask to see what is possible if they said they would try, but they should really have checked with everyone. If it’s a decent place, they should be able to cater for veggie, vegan and gluten free as standard.

The OP has been to several events, including one with this employer last month, where there was nothing she could eat.

I'd have had similar if my employer hadn't specifically pre-asked the caterers/restaurant to accommodate.

And if there's be options available, then surely the Office Manager could simply reply "yes".

I don't know how your kids or what your cook for them is relevant.

Paris might not be too bad - but rural France?!

She is being very unreasonable. I imagine the reason she responded like this is that vegans have a reputation for causing a fuss over food and ruining events/making it awkward because of it. However, in a work setting this is void as you are colleague and should be treated equally. I imagine if someone requested halal food she wouldn't have responded with "I'll try", depsite religious followings also being a choice, as veganism is. Would it kill her to buy a vegetable lasagne or whatever.

Maybe go but take your own vegan snacks, just in case? You are not being unreasonable though.

I could ask DH to pick up some snacks on the way, but how about my wonderfully inclusive workplace actually caters for us? We have won awards for inclusivity FFS!!!

That said, it is just the Office Manager. I don't think anyone else would have a problem with us being catered for. Also we are only allowed to order from caterers on our approved suppliers list and I know for a fact they all have vegan options.

Is there anyone else you could speak to about this? Maybe drop a word with someone else senior just to mention all of that. Sounds like she has a problem with vegans in general. You should definitely not have to provide your own snacks but maybe worth taking just in case they don't bother. Hilarious that they have just won an inclusivity award, jfc.

@worldshottestmom I could, but I don't like to make a fuss. I used to criticise DH for this, but I get it now. At the conference (different company), the organiser literally snarled at me when I enquired about the vegan food. Bearing in mind, we were in a foreign county, so couldn't just nip home for dinner.

Surely she has asked 'any dietary requirements?! And this one is right up there with Halal, dairy free, peanut free etc

God how awful. Totally get it as I've seen how vegans are treated during events like this and it really annoys me. I mostly just eat meat and still can comprehend that everyone deserves dignity and to be treated equally regardless of their way of eating. Idk why other people can't just get it.

"Could you please provide some vegan options?"
"Sure!"
"Thanks!"

It's not that hard. I hope it works out for you OP and sorry you have to put up with this 😪

I went to a dinner in Hong Kong once that was in honour of my father in law. I’d told the venue about my shellfish allergy but they had no idea. Mass panic. I ended up being served 6 courses of mushrooms. Mushrooms every way I could imagine. I was very, very hungry lol.

Anyway, the obvious solution here is to talk to your boss. I still can’t work out why you won’t do that. If you won’t talk to them and won’t bring your own then I guess you can skip it. Can’t work out the age of your kids if they are too old for Santa but too young to just bring some snacks or not eat for a couple of hours without a drama though.

Then you will be fine once she's spoken to them. Not sure why you are moaning at this point. Vegans just can't help it.

Its only the world you live in if you allow it to be.

the point is she expects her family to be catered for

She expects to be catered for because a catering company is being paid to cater for the attendees .

How, just HOW, is that an unusual or difficult concept?

It's like accusing of someone expecting to be transported somewhere when hiring a taxi.

I really don't understand this. There is plenty of vegan food that is delicious and most omnivores would consider part of any meal and eat at a buffet without thinking 'oh I'm eating a vegan element'.

Bread
Dips like hummus, guacamole, salsa and babaganoush
Vegetable samosas
Red pepper pastry puffs
Lots of crisp flavours
Falafel and veg pakoras
Crackers and crispbread type bits
Olives
Fruit

We went to several vegan friends children's parties. The food waste was enormous. Children vote with their mouths.
No attempt to make their guests feel welcome with food they might like to eat.

You can go and eat or not as you wish but if you decline for food reasons, there is something slightly martyrish about ‘I don’t like to make a fuss’ while doing exactly that.

Unless it’s a very small company I imagine you aren’t obligated to go and nobody will make a big deal about it if you don’t.

I don’t expect to be catered for at these kind of events tbh and mine is due to being ND so I could just as easily argue that failure to accommodate me is discrimination.

I also have to miss out on regular lunches with my team at work because they go to places which have nothing on the menu that I can eat and I’m not prepared to put a spanner in the works by suggesting we go elsewhere.

I would eat the bread and possibly crisps/crackers, depending on the type. Most fruit in buffets is over ripe anyway and I wouldn’t eat anything else on that list - I tried hummus once but it was a one off and it was in the days where I used to drink a lot. So nothing that I would call ‘delicious’.

This is what I think. I can’t see why it’s such a big deal - on her side that is.

I’m not vegan but it’s not like you’ve asked for something outlandish by today’s standards.

Edit - maybe the “I’ll try” was a badly worded way of saying “I’ll speak to the caterer”?

It does open the question as to what is discrimination though. Veganism is generally something people decide to do because of their beliefs. ARFID/restricted eating isn’t a choice.

So if not catering to a vegan family is discriminating against them, surely I and others like me would have a case for kicking off about not being catered to,

What on earth did they serve them? Was it spicy food they weren't used to? At the children's buffets I've seen, the food which disappeared first was the strawberries. Other fruit went down pretty well and some kids happily ate carrot and cucumber sticks. Also, few can resist the crisps and other junk food.

I bet it was ‘substituted’ food (vegan cheese, tofu etc) 🤣

Yeah, been at couple of childrens parties that were vegan...was not much different from 'normal' party food. Sandwiches with "ham" , sausage rolls, dips and crudités, wraps . It all disappeared very quickly! And there was also rolls with savoury tofu filling....they actually all got eaten first.