AIBU: It’s a vegan one

[FiveMetresUp]

We have a work event scheduled for just before Christmas. All staff are invited along with their spouses and children. There will be food, Santa, games, etc. It sounds like a lot of fun. I am quite new to the company. I asked the organizer if our vegan family would be catered for and she said she “would try”. AIBU to be a little annoyed at this?

We have been vegan for a long time. I don’t talk about it unless it comes up in conversation or, as is the case here, we have been invited to an event. We are always grateful when people cater to us, but most of the time they don’t bother.

AIBU to just not go? It would be a shame because it sounds like a lot of fun, but if the organizer can’t be bothered to lay on a few bits of vegan food, then I don’t feel that my family and I are welcome.

AIBU?

I would push for vegan food to be included but I don't think it's needs so much drama and angst. Buy some vegan stuff suitable for the buffet and if you need it, eat it.

In fairness, nice ingredients and hot food vegan options are usually demolished by the whole crowd, so if you're not in there looking pretty greedy, you're getting nothing.
I don't know anyone who'd eat a raw pepper and onion sandwich.
They should absolutely be able to provide decent vegan options, and if she can't do ask if the caterers need some ideas. Ridiculous.

ARFID qualifies as a disability under the Equality Act so do kick off if you're being discriminated against, and if your employer isn't making reasonable adjustments.

Eat beforehand. It’s your choice, your responsibility. Not everybody else has to cater to it.

Caterers literally are there to cater, aren't they?

That is who is expected to cater for it, not 'everybody else' - just the people whose profession is literally catering.

I am also surprised they don't ask about dietary requirements, there must be people with allergies, Muslims, other veggies/vegans? Its not just the staff its their families as well so even more reason to check.

I would raise it with your manager OP as you rightly point out caterers can cater to any diet. You shouldn't be going without.

Ah! You're making me hungry and I'm not vegan!

She did ask about dietary requirements in the meeting invitation but I find people don’t really view being vegan as a dietary requirement.

Where do you live? I am veggie and have rarely had any trouble. Certainly not at a work thing.

Because you're a veggie! There is so much more you can eat.

I find most caterers are doing a vegan option and not veggie ones now. It is occasionally annoying but I accept that I eat both and it widens who can have it.

At a buffet, an effort should always be made to call up those with dietary restrictions first to avoid this.

She asked...and you told her. So what prompted you to ask her again directly?

I have literally never come across someone who's created so much drama over a non event.

I didn't ask her again.

Of course they do. I agree with a PP that you are making a drama out of nothing. You make it sound like your kids will be emotionally damaged by not being able to eat at the event.

I’m sure they will treat your dietary requirements as seriously as those of anyone else.

I think you are making a drama out of this to make a point because you don’t like the office manager. Has she actually said they can’t accommodate you?

I absolutely would have put it as a dietary requirement.

I would have responded to the invite saying your family is vegan. I can’t imagine she was going to do a value judgement - just put the list together and send it to the caterer

100% agree with this. DH is vegetarian and we have had situations where he has gone up and the lovely curried chickpea salad and roasted vegetable platter has been demolished already.

(Don't get me started on the time his friend had a sit down meal for his 50th birthday and even though I had already confirmed with him that DH was vegetarian we were all served a fillet steak on mustard mash and he was served the same.... it was quickly whipped away when he queried it and returned a few moments later with just a plate of mustard mash with a suspicious steak-shaped dent in it and some drops of very meaty gravy.)

It was the "I will try" which pissed me off, tbh.

Whilst there should always be enough appropriate food provided to cater for everybody's requirements, it's always going to be a sticking point when you have some people who enjoy all/most of the food and others who won't want a large proportion of it.

When I was a child, I loved carrots and hated peas, so when we went out for a meal and they served both, my parents would routinely swap their carrots for my peas. They liked carrots too, but were happy to go without them so that I could have what I would eat - because they were my parents; however, I think a lot of omnivores would object to feeling restricted in their choices because of a colleague/stranger's more restricted requirements.

There's a potential issue in compartmentalising omnivores: i.e. because somebody else categorically won't eat the meat or dairy dishes, they are expected to restrict themselves only (or largely) to the meat and dairy dishes. The solution that is offered to this is often just to make the whole thing vegan... but then you aren't catering properly to omnivores, who generally enjoy some of everything - hence the name!

“I’ll try” is colloquial English for “I don’t yet know what the outcome will be, but I’m going to see what I can do.” In this context, it means she doesn’t yet know whether the venue will be able to accommodate vegan options on the buffet its self, or whether a separate plated meal will be needed or if the options are already there.

You seem very chippy and quick to take offence.

Being vegetarian is actually quite different to being vegan and its annoying when vegetarian food is now routinely replaced by vegan.
You are making a big fuss ( in your own head ) about this. Go and enjoy the event. Take a snack box to supplement any food you can eat. No point in being a martyr.
Your children will learn that limiting their food choices means that sometime you have to make other plans and its not insurmountable.

Yes this

you are making drama where you need not

So there’s 3 options here:

1. your kids don’t go, you don’t go and eat at home
2. you and your kids go and don’t have anything to eat
3. you kick up a fuss and tell your boss/office manager/whoevers higher up than she is, that her response was unsatisfactory and you require vegan food. personally I’d go with option 3.

You don't need to explain whether your veganism is a life style/ethical choice or a medical one. No-one questions Jews/Muslims not eating pork, or coeliacs wanting gluten free.

They just need to know its a fact and they need to cater for it. When I did events at work we had a vegan who had serious bowel issues and he found animal products aggravated it. I didn't know the reason behind his veganism and always catered for him.

Then one day we went off on a work organised course together and they dished up a quiche for him despite having filled in the form saying he was vegan. He told them they had 30 minutes to find him something suitable or he would eat it as he was starving and couldn't concentrate. Understand he he liked animal products, he just couldn't tolerate them. He announced that if he ate it, he would be on the loo for the rest of the afternoon, no-one else would be able to use it and he'd miss the rest of the course. Quite graphic but it worked.And 20 mins later a Greggs vegan roll and mince pie appeared - well how hard was that! I quite admired him for sticking up for himself and they provided him with vegan food for the rest of the week