To not trust MIL to babysit on holiday, meaning no date nights for DH?

[wrdmym]

We’re going on holiday next year for DH’s 40th birthday with his parents, and he expects us to have a few date nights while we’re there, with his parents looking after our two DC (DD will be 5 and DS around 20 months).

The problem is that I don’t trust his mum to look after them unsupervised. DH thinks his parents are lovely grandparents who have never done anything wrong, and sees me as cold towards his mum.

A few examples of why I feel the way I do:

1. MIL came over with a really chesty cough when my youngest was a newborn (10 weeks). She said she’d had it for a while, but we hadn’t seen her for 3 weeks and she definitely wasn’t coughing then. Didn’t bother to warn us. DH thought it was no big deal.
2. When DD was 2, a magnet came off a toy that MIL “kindly” bought for our 2 year old, at MIL’s house. MIL’s immediate reaction was “I hope my the cat didn’t eat it!” I was sitting there thinking, what about the toddler in the house? Swallowing a magnet can be extremely dangerous. Why was the cat her first concern?
3. She once pointed at a crow and told DD as a joke “Look, Robin.” English is DD’s second language, and I find it frustrating that she introduces unnecessary confusion when DD is learning about the world.
4. She regularly places hot tea on very low coffee tables and it’s almost like a game of who gets to it first - me or one of the children burning themselves.

None of these incidents has resulted in a serious injury, thankfully. DH sees them as minor things, but I see a pattern of poor judgement and a lack of awareness around young children.

I find her incredibly frustrating, rude and inconsiderate but I have no problem with the grandparents spending time with the children when we’re there. We see them about once per month for 6-8 hours and once a year come to stay at their house for 2-3 nights. What I don’t want is to leave them in MIL’s sole care while we’re out for dinner, particularly with a baby and a young child.

DH thinks I’m being unreasonable because they’re the children’s grandparents and he wants us to have some time together on holiday. I think date nights are optional, and I’m not going to leave my children with someone I don’t trust just to make them happen.

AIBU? Would you leave your children with grandparents you didn’t trust to make sensible decisions about their safety, or would you arrange alternative childcare and accept that date nights might not be possible?

Despite all this your DH miraculously survived childhood

As is said over and over on threads on here - medical advice is that people with respiratory viruses should stay away from young babies ...it is as simple as that...please educate yourself.
The argument about other members of the household is irrelevant.

I agree if it was a honest mistake fine but sounds like it was done on purpose, that is some twisted joke.

Yes, lots of people survived car crashes, but we have seatbelts. Yes, lots of people survived lead paint and seemed unaffected by it, but we still remove it.

The pendulum may have swung too far in terms of cotton wooling our kids, but it's completely reasonable to run a mental risk assessment over things like placing scalding hot tea within reach of a child and - simply - not do that, ever.

Anyone not capable of understanding that or refusing to alter that very dangerous practice can't be left in charge of a child.

I'm actually much more concerned about the husband now I know he practices unsafe behaviours, just like his mother.

Yes, it's quite odd, and very unpleasant to trick a child like that. I don't understand it at all.

Agreed, OPs MIL is the devil incarnate

FGS at 10 weeks your baby would have had his jabs and be exposed to everything your older child was bringing in. Your robin example is ridiculous. YABU and v hard work

Is she? Gosh. Would you care to elaborate?

It’s next year, why argue about it now?

Just wait until the holiday happens and say you’d rather not go out and leave the children.

End of.

I think you’re being a bit paranoid. Grandparents have raised at least one child to adulthood. Hot drinks should be out of the way but would she really just leave it there if the kid came over ? The game can be played with adult supervision. She is weird for saying a magpie was a Robin but it won’t do any harm.

Are you always this anxious and over-protective?