Would you be wary of this mum?

[Doubletroublees]

I probably am overthinking a bit but my gut is telling me to be careful. Can others advise me:

Everytime I speak to this school mum (let’s call her Anne) she remembers everything and uses it to benefit her for example I once said I’m seeing my Aunty in shopping centre as she works in X store. Next thing I know she’s in the store a week later and messages me if her aunt is working on the Saturday and would be willing to use employee discount. For her! For context I have never asked my aunt for her employee discount for MYSELF let alone a random school mum! I apologised and explained no I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. In all honesty I didn’t even realise the staff in the store get family and friends discount! Even if I did I wouldn’t ask her

Another time we were talking about what we did pre kids and I told her name of company I worked for where I met DH. She emailed the company and explained she knows me and whether there are jobs going. I asked a mutual friend if this was weird and she said no definitely not as all she’s doing is networking and nothing wrong with that.

Most recent example which is kind of annoying me not just with her but the others involved - I arranged a lunch meet up with this friend plus 2 others I recently made friends with. The other 2 cancelled last minute due to a diary mix up it was all okay I didn’t mind. So I went to lunch with Anne and we always have a nice time as she’s funny and outgoing. The day after she arranges a drink with the other 2 mums that she has never met! Then messages me last minute to tell me. I didn’t actually read the message till the event was nearly finished. She is very outgoing whereas I’m introverted. The thing is the other 2 mums didn’t bother telling me about this plan either. I introduced Anne in text message to the other 2 that’s how they got each others numbers as I created a WhatsApp for the meet up but it seems like Anne messaged them both directly and intentionally leaving me out as she could have messaged in the same group chat.

Do i need to be careful? It’s just been casual hi and bye at the gate for 2 years then last year it’s been that we’re actually friends.

Be wary yes. The asking for an employee discount is really weird and cheeky especially. And then meeting your friends without you when she’s never met you?
I’d be stepping back gracefully.

No she’s met me! She just never met THEM. But she did message me 2 hours before the meet up to tell me but I didn’t check my phone

Stop telling her about your life. Stick to the 'hi and bye' at the gate. She is not your friend, she is a CF

Well she’s a CF Double. If I were you I’d be jolly reluctant to share many personal details or invite her to group activities.

Problem is I’m very shy and I felt having her there makes it easier for me

You can't stop her befriending people you introduce her to. If you find that too forward or it makes you feel uncomfortable then don't introduce her to anyone. Some would say it's rude, others not.

You say she's fun alone so just stick to one to one meet ups?
She's a bit unsubtle but remembering things you told her about yourself isn't that weird. I'd just tell her a bit less maybe.

Normal networking would be asking you/your DH if you know of any jobs or can introduce her to anyone. Not emailing the company out of the blue and saying she knows you.

Asking for the employee discount is cheeky.

She messaged your friends who she’d never met and arranged to meet up? If I was the other friend in this scenario I’d think that was really weird!

Dear lord, that woman sounds very odd. I’d be keeping her away from me, my family and my circle of friends. The job thing was also extremely weird, I really disagree with whoever told it was normal behaviour.

I do have a tendency not to give second chances and can think in very black and white terms that’s why I feel my social life is non existent so I did want to check what others thought before I label her as a CF.

I can see why you're unsure. If it was one slightly dodgy encounter then that would be one thing, but there does seem to be a pattern of going through you to gain discounts, employment advantages and social connections. I would back off - by which I mean no proactive arrangements, don't tell her anything of substance. Go to group things, enjoy her company but nothing more. Think of her as an acquaintance rather than a friend.

Sorry I meant to say when she’d never met them. It’s really weird behaviour

You need to be VERY CAREFUL !!!!!!!
These kind of people are trouble without a shadow of a doubt , my advice is avoid her as much as possible and any interaction keep as hi / bye.
Give nothing of yourself away , no emotions, no plans , she is not your friend, she's a cf who wants to know your business and what she can get out of you.
I bet she could turn really nasty and potentially possessive too, that is until you've outlived your purpose to her.
Good luck !

She sounds unhinged.

Avoid and block would be my advice!

She sounds very odd.

I’ve been in really toxic friends as a teen and I have the same feeling but I carried on those friendships as I do find it hard to make friends. I just don’t want to write her off and miss out on potential social life. I have been quite isolated past few years.

I’d have fun telling her complete whoppers. 🤣

Does anyone think the 2 new friends I have were also in the wrong not to mention the meet up?

She's pushy and opportunistic and will always have a keen eye for her advantage and will not be shy in trying to grab it.
If she's also fun, good company and a pleasure to be with, then you can continue to socialise, just set your boundaries and practice the firm 'no'. You'll need it!

There are nicer people in the world. If you find it hard to make friends don't settle for someone who will use you, push you aside and make you even more wary of getting to know new people. And don't spend any time pondering over this than she would when she jettisons you for new opportunities...

Who needs that in their life. Avoid if you can.

This is madness 🤣🤣 just don’t tell her anything nothings safe for her to know. I’d be avoiding this one op

Agreed. I mean, I wouldn’t be asking for your aunt’s discount, but if you told me where she worked, I would remember, as o would anything else you’d told me. I just have a retentive memory. I tend to hide it because it makes some people uneasy, because they assume most of what they say will be forgotten immediately.

I met someone recently whom I’d met once before at a gig about four years ago (girlfriend of an acquaintance) . I remembered her daughter’s name and age, the name of the daughter’s pony, where it was in livery, where this woman’s parents lived, where she’d gone to medical school, where her GP practice was, where they lived etc etc. But I didn’t give away any of it! It does freak people out!

I would say the same to my sister if she was insane situation but I’m really lonely.

When I was a kid a friends mum did similar stuff with my mum and dad. She was Russian and I think her husband wasn’t very nice and she was looking for employment to get a way out. She was very blunt with networking and trying to find work. My parents were willing to help her but she eventually made a pass at my dad. My dad has said he kind of think she thought he had money as he had recently started his own business. Obviously this didn’t go well and my family never spoke to her again but I do feel bad for her and I hope she got sorted.

Does this woman seem to be in financial distress? Honestly she might just be fucking cheeky but my first thought was that maybe she’s networking aggressively because she’s desperate and needs to get money. Either way I would avoid, but just something to consider.

Might they have reasonably assumed you'd already told this woman you couldn't go?

If they don't have any reason to be suspicious of her then they wouldn't instinctively assume something was being hidden from you.