Would you be wary of this mum?

[Doubletroublees]

I probably am overthinking a bit but my gut is telling me to be careful. Can others advise me:

Everytime I speak to this school mum (let’s call her Anne) she remembers everything and uses it to benefit her for example I once said I’m seeing my Aunty in shopping centre as she works in X store. Next thing I know she’s in the store a week later and messages me if her aunt is working on the Saturday and would be willing to use employee discount. For her! For context I have never asked my aunt for her employee discount for MYSELF let alone a random school mum! I apologised and explained no I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. In all honesty I didn’t even realise the staff in the store get family and friends discount! Even if I did I wouldn’t ask her

Another time we were talking about what we did pre kids and I told her name of company I worked for where I met DH. She emailed the company and explained she knows me and whether there are jobs going. I asked a mutual friend if this was weird and she said no definitely not as all she’s doing is networking and nothing wrong with that.

Most recent example which is kind of annoying me not just with her but the others involved - I arranged a lunch meet up with this friend plus 2 others I recently made friends with. The other 2 cancelled last minute due to a diary mix up it was all okay I didn’t mind. So I went to lunch with Anne and we always have a nice time as she’s funny and outgoing. The day after she arranges a drink with the other 2 mums that she has never met! Then messages me last minute to tell me. I didn’t actually read the message till the event was nearly finished. She is very outgoing whereas I’m introverted. The thing is the other 2 mums didn’t bother telling me about this plan either. I introduced Anne in text message to the other 2 that’s how they got each others numbers as I created a WhatsApp for the meet up but it seems like Anne messaged them both directly and intentionally leaving me out as she could have messaged in the same group chat.

Do i need to be careful? It’s just been casual hi and bye at the gate for 2 years then last year it’s been that we’re actually friends.

All of your examples are a bit odd on her part, she is overstepping. I’d forgive the job one, because she could frame it as a recommendation from you to search for a job there.

I would suggest stepping back and being a bit wary.

What, having her there at a meet up with your established friends makes it easier for you?
How close are you to these “friends”??

@Doubletroublees Better to not have her as a friend rather than to have her spread gossip about you.
She's already taken the piss about getting a discount via your Aunt, and then trying to get a job with your former employer.
Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.
Anne sound nuts.

i would be very wary of her and take a huge step back!! I would also be the same with the other 2 women who met her behind your back!

I have learnt the hard way over the years that these people are not your friends!

I don't see anything wrong with this. Just sounds like she's very extraverted. If she accepts "no" when you tell her, I wouldn't worry. If you find her pushy, that's not ok.

In any relationship, the only thing that matters is how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable, no one can tell you you're wrong. Stop asking others if your feelings are valid and start doing what feels best to you.

This. The woman is wild and cheeky AF. She cannot, under any circumstances be trusted. She has shown you who she is, believe it and back away slowly!

Yes I’d be wary and I’d distance myself. I would also let your HR know in no uncertain terms that this person in a new acquaintance, that you have no idea what their professional skills and competencies are and therefore cannot vouch for them. My DH would be livid if anyone dropped his name to his company’s HR when soliciting for a job, as he would never leverage his position in that way because if there are complications later it is is own professional reputation that is sullied. And a friend of mine doing it?!!!

It’s a bit ‘singe white female’ of her and to arrange a meet up with your friends (who no doubt assumed you were attending) was really over-stepping.

I’d grey rock and fade her out, I’m afraid. If she is like this now, she can only get worse.

I think they probably thought you were coming and were surprised when you weren’t there. It’s weird of Anne to message the friends, but it would also be pretty weird of the friends to go for a drink with a stranger

Anne is either a CF or she’s trying to steal your life. I would drop her ASAP

No, life is busy and most want to be drama free or wouldn’t even consider you’ve been deliberately cut out, if that is the case

I'd be very wary! Yes. She sounds like a very cheeky fucker.

Hah yes what a great idea!! Shes a massive CF, regarding staff discount most retailers who do colleague discount have very strict rules. Nobody can just give their discount to random people.
As for the emailing your former employer to ask for a job, thats premium CFery.
This woman has figured out that you are a shy type of person and is trying to manipulate you ( i have had "friends" like this in the past)
I quickly learned how these people operate and distanced myself from them. I suggest OP do the same

Nailed it.

She’s toxic as fuck. You’re also being wendied. Grey rock. She’ll soon lose interest.

She thinks about you way too much and wants to have what you have. She is miserable deep down. She also thinks you will let her away with stuff you don't like. It is better to be lonely than to have this unhinged person around. I'm not a fan of her meeting your friends with not much notice given either. I would talk to them. Her behaviour will only get worse. I had one who ended up like a stalker and would spend her evenings looking at the lives of my Facebook friends so she could talk about them to me. When I stopped playing ball she became more nasty. Avoid.

So the other 2 mums went for a drink with someone they’d never met? That’s weird behaviour as well!! Or did they assume you would be there?

I don't need to ask you. I know! Been there and despite being wiser to it now,I feel that I'm still and always that person.

This!!

Oh I would absolutely hate this as would feel she was being way too intrusive and I hate everyone prying in my personal life. I’d give her a wide berth! She’s definitely a social climber and uses people to get a foot up the ladder so to speak!

I agree! Exchange pleasantries but that is all. Contacting your workplace saying she knows you without any discussion with you first is NOT okay!

Not really. They may have assumed you knew.
As for Anne, at best she's very pushy; at worst she's a right nutcase. Either way,I'd keep contact to a minimum. You don't need 'friends' like that.

YES! You are right to be wary OP!

My mum and I have a term for these people: climbing ivy! They scramble all over you prolifically then start getting in under the guttering and behind the brickwork and prise it all apart.

In short, she is a user, who is scouring your interactions for things she can help herself to.

She sounds a bit like she wants to steal your life.
Rather than potentially lose your other two friends , i definitely think you should try and find out if they thought you had been invited .
I would be very, very careful of this woman. Everything she has done is very strange and I would presume she has form for this kind of behaviour before.

I'd run seems liek a total odd ball

She's an absolute user and not very clever about it either. I would hide under a car next time I saw her coming, if I were you.

She’s a CF. Steer clear!

I would make up a past, relatives, friends that you have outside the school gate.
It’s a lot easier to filter out potential friends if they think you dont have anything that can be used.
Otherwise drop in conversation that you have bought a holiday home in Italy and when she gets to Italy and asks for the keys to stay there, tell her you have people renting the place out that week and every week.

You have to discard these people in order to create space for others to come into your life.

I think making friends isn’t easy. It takes work to find like minded people. But when you find a good friend then friendship becomes easy.