Would you be wary of this mum?

[Doubletroublees]

I probably am overthinking a bit but my gut is telling me to be careful. Can others advise me:

Everytime I speak to this school mum (let’s call her Anne) she remembers everything and uses it to benefit her for example I once said I’m seeing my Aunty in shopping centre as she works in X store. Next thing I know she’s in the store a week later and messages me if her aunt is working on the Saturday and would be willing to use employee discount. For her! For context I have never asked my aunt for her employee discount for MYSELF let alone a random school mum! I apologised and explained no I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that. In all honesty I didn’t even realise the staff in the store get family and friends discount! Even if I did I wouldn’t ask her

Another time we were talking about what we did pre kids and I told her name of company I worked for where I met DH. She emailed the company and explained she knows me and whether there are jobs going. I asked a mutual friend if this was weird and she said no definitely not as all she’s doing is networking and nothing wrong with that.

Most recent example which is kind of annoying me not just with her but the others involved - I arranged a lunch meet up with this friend plus 2 others I recently made friends with. The other 2 cancelled last minute due to a diary mix up it was all okay I didn’t mind. So I went to lunch with Anne and we always have a nice time as she’s funny and outgoing. The day after she arranges a drink with the other 2 mums that she has never met! Then messages me last minute to tell me. I didn’t actually read the message till the event was nearly finished. She is very outgoing whereas I’m introverted. The thing is the other 2 mums didn’t bother telling me about this plan either. I introduced Anne in text message to the other 2 that’s how they got each others numbers as I created a WhatsApp for the meet up but it seems like Anne messaged them both directly and intentionally leaving me out as she could have messaged in the same group chat.

Do i need to be careful? It’s just been casual hi and bye at the gate for 2 years then last year it’s been that we’re actually friends.

They probably just assumed you knew as it would be seriously odd for Anne just to invite two people she had never met to coffee without taking the person who was going to introduce them. I would perhaps talk to your other two friends and find out if they assumed you were going to be there. They probably found it rather odd too!

I would also worry about the friend who said the whole contacting your ex employer and name dropping you was just networking - I would find that seriously odd!!

I would absolutely be wary of this person. Not someone I would want as a close friend to be honest.

we always have a nice time as she’s funny and outgoing

Find other people to satisfy your loneliness. She’s weird, and people will start to avoid you as they find out what she’s really like.

Sorry but isn't it better to have her not as a friend than a friend is she's bad for you? All the things you've said are overstepping every good taste/decent way to be line completely. I would especially be mortified about your place of work! Wow.

Look for new friends, no, it's not easy but to be honest, it's better to be alone than with people like this imo.

She set up a new WhatsApp group without you … that’s all you really need to think about. Definitely avoid all 3 it sounds more trouble than it’s worth

She sounds like a user.
If you mentioned you had a caravan she’d ask to use it, this weekend for free, you know the type?
Stay friendly but guarded.

That's really impressive, you have a phenomenal memory! Are you actually interested in all those details and so that helps you remember them, or do they stick in your head even when you're not interested in the slightest?

No - no - no. If you want to improve your social life, this woman is not the one to do that with.

Stop telling her anything at all. Like nothing at all. Hi, bye - that is it.

People with such poor boundaries are trouble and they will make your life difficult, especially if you are shy/introverted. You will be forever tying yourself up in knots figuring out whether she has overstepped or you are overthinking, you will have to be so careful with what you say less she takes advantage, you will be forever drafting and re-drafting texts to try to tell her that she has made you uncomfortable etc

Leave her WELL alone.

Find other ways to look for friends. I know you said you feel isolated but TRUST ME this kind of person is NOT the solution.

Find other ways to make friends. And do not tell her about them!

Yes if she messaged them separately they'll probably have assumed she did the same with you. Except she's obviously left it late on purpose.

I'd avoid. Get yourself out doing different stuff to meet new people.

She's a taker/user I'd steer clear

It sounds like your socialising styles are not compatible.
She does come across as a bit of a user. Wanting to use you for discounts,jobs and for making new friendship contacts. If that makes you uncomfortable id let this friendship go because it will probably escalate.
The discount thing was rude ,the job thing was also rude and inappropriate.especially without discussing with you. The friendship thing could have been just choatic in not letting you know til the eleventh hr and you missing it. Your other friends werent to know she hadnt told you about it til the leleventh hr,so i wouldnt blame them.

Bloody hell, she's out for what she can get isn't she? Sounds like a user and a social climber and you've been dazzled by her being outgoing and funny.

I know you say you're shy and don't make friends easily (I'm the same so I get it) but this one really isn't worth hanging on to. She'll drain you of any "social currency" you have for her (introductions to jobs, discounts, access to cooler friends, free babysitting?) and then drop you like a stone once you surpass your usefulness. Ask me how I know ...

I think it’s weird of her to want to arrange lunch with two of your friends who she’s never met, and without you. I can see how they wouldn’t have thought to mention it to you though - they possibly thought you knew and were coming along. I would be backing off from the friendship if it were me, because it would have me second guessing everything I said to her. I get that you’re lonely OP and I really feel for you, but you can do better than sticking with someone like this just because she’s there. Can you not join some activities in your local area - get out and about a bit and make friends that way ?

I thought she'd messaged them separately?

A bit - it’s such a weird scenario though. She started a new group chat without you/messaged them outside of the chat and arranged to meet? Maybe they thought you were coming and had been texted separately?

I’d have politely declined if I’d have been the friend (and knew you hadn’t been asked) because I’d have thought that the woman was so weird to have done it that I wasn’t really interested in meeting up with her.

I’ve been in the situation where I've been added to a WhatsApp group by a friend, and in the group are people I don’t know but that I’m meeting up with with the mutual friend (so the initial set up with you and Anne and the other friends). It wouldn’t have crossed my mind to message the other people in that group that I’d never even met.

I think I would sound out the other two friends, sort of, sorry I didn't attend coffee, didn't know about it till too late. I agree other friends probably thought you couldn't make it. Unless they tell you, you won't know what new friend said and if the two others were complicit in leaving you out

But by any means , yes be wary. Sorry but she's not trustworthy

I mean, she's obviously a con woman with no boundaries. Avoid completely and if you discover she's been dropping your name as a reference to anyone explain that you're not friends, only acquaintances and you don't know her from a bar of soap.

OP, this woman is NOT a friend. Look at The 7 signs of a psychopath and I'll bet she's got at least 6 of them. My son's ex is very much like "Anne". Avoid, ignore, and detach, from her.

Join something, take up a hobby, go to an exercise class - anything to make proper friends.

I’d be wary! I actually would be shocked if someone would email my workplace (or former) without asking me first.

Very, very weird and odd. Especially emailing the company without your knowledge and saying she knows you. To be honest each scenario is odd. Steer well clear but don't confront her. You have been warned!

I get it. Just be prepared to keep her at arms length, in the sense that she does not need to know personal things about you, or your family. Keep things on a light level. Enjoy her company, but keep any friendship on a low level, meaning be considerate about what you tell her.

Always go with your gut op.
if your having vibes about this lady, take notice of it. I would definitely keep her at arms length. As for the other two. I think they

Absolutely this!

You will find like minded people, it just takes time.

That’s a lot of red flags! 🚩🚩🚩
I would step back from her. Keep on being your good self. Other people that she is trying to make friends with (eg your friends!) will soon suss out what she is like.
Please don’t feel that you need her for your own confidence. Try to work on your own confidence separately, by showing an interest in others (it’s kind of easy when you have school kids the same age, as you can do play dates and chat about kids stuff)… and maybe joining a hobby?

I find all the behaviours you mention to be very odd. It seems this woman is trying to use you while simultaneously not including you. I would give her a wide berth, she sounds very manipulative

I think she sounds like a bit of a chancer, pushy or cheeky, rather than an irredeemably bad person. I wouldn't stop being friends with her but maybe just be careful what you tell her!