Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

[Dutchhouse14]

Our DM passed away a few months ago and her will divides everything equally between me and my 2 siblings.
Im the sole executor.
Dsis ,mid 50s, has always lived at home, never moved out. Towards the end of mums life she became her carer.
She works limited hours although she has increased these with overtime since mum passed away but full time contracts are non existent in her sector.
Shes used to pay a small amount of housekeeping but this stopped when she was made redundant from full time work about 10 years ago.
DMs house is in a bad state of repair, none of us can afford to maintain it . Me and my other sibling want to sell.
But DSis is resisting ,not replying to texts, avoiding phones calls, went out when estates agents came round for valuations etc
She has limited income and savings but could get a small mortgage and with proceeds of sale she could get a 1 bed flat.
My other sibling agrees we need to sell but doesn't want to upset dsis and is generally very good at avoidance! They are happy to give Dsis a much bigger share ie 50% I would prefer 40% which i think is realistic for dsis to buy somewhere.
So ive become the wicked witch of the West in Dsis eyes and shes taking it all out on me, well basically stopped talking to me.
WIBU to put the house on the market?
Probate has been granted.
Anyone know what the legal situation is?
I dont want to fall out with Dsis, I love her, but she seems filled with resentment for me and frankly has said some very hurtful things.
Ive always been there for her but shes never ever reciprocated or supported me when ive needed it.
Although I live with DH and DC, the money would really help my future, my pension etc and I dont want to give my share to Dsis, which is what I think she really wants as shes used to being in charge of DMs money , always lived here so I think basically considers everything as hers.
Just dont know how to move things forward or if im being unreasonable selling the house and wanting my share

I think you are being rather harsh calling this woman heartless when you dont know the details. You have no idea what her mum's care needs were or how long she had them. You also have no idea whether the needs were severe enough to have needed to pay for carers otherwise. Maybe the mum would have had money for carers if she hadn't been subsidising her adult daughter for over 30 years.
If a man lives with his parents and doesnt pay towards costs, everyone on here calls him a man-child who is financially abusive. Why is it any different when its a woman?

I think your sister must be terrified at being homeless in mid 50’s
from what info you gave with her hours and age her mortgage capacity is very limited

i think I’d give her 18 months considering she was your mums carer which to be blunt you could of still done even though you didn’t live there you were happy for your sister to lighten the load

There was a similar situation to this with one of my mum's ex-next door neighbours. An elderly couple lived there with their adult son who looked after them when he wasn't working. When the father died, they had mirror wills which said the son would inherit the house and the two siblings who were well off would get any cash that they had. But the siblings persuaded the mother to change her will and left everything in equal shares and when she died they didn't wait at all before they started harassing their brother to move out. No doubt they were telling everyone what a loser he was but in reality without him at least one parent would have ended up in a care home.

There are always two sides to these things and if she has saved you care costs, I agree with your other sibling OP that 50% would be fair.

Get legal advice and sell. Your sister knew this day would come. She's had decades to save. Stay strong and stick to your guns.

Im well aware of the responsibilities of an executor - Ive done the role twice, as has my husband. It would be perfectly possible to follow the requirements of the will and then make sure that the sister wasn't chucked out of her home.

I could be reading about myself.

This was me 20 years ago. One sibling refused to move as he lived at home full time. Other sibling didn't live at home at all, and was happy to sell.

I had my own house but moved back home to become mum's carer.

When mum passed, the sibling who had left home years earlier due to marriage was desperate to sell but was too scared to suggest it. So I made it clear that we were going to have to sell. I then became the bad guy while my sibling who had long left was delighted! The house-based sibling didn't talk to me for 6 months, and it hurt because we're best friends.

Selling was the only way to resolve it in our case, and the house-based sibling soon learned to stand on his own two feet. As will your sister.

This.
No way could I do this to my sibling.

Your sisters refusing to discuss things is, frankly, not helping at all. Why should their wishes prevail over yours? Your mum wanted the three of you to be treated equally

YANBU, but it might take a while for them to come round. I second all the suggestions to get proper legal advice as they may well have seen similar situations before and may be able to offer some mediation

Past behaviour predicts future behaviour, Paganpentacle.

I think this is a much more humane approach and takes account of the caring that has been done, and the fact that this is family and not a business. Credit to you for understanding the sacrifice your sister has made. I can't get my head round all these people saying 'it's yours - take it'.

I cant imagine being the sister that feels she is entitled to the other sisters share of the estate. As per Mum's will./

Do the maths.
Total cost of DM's care sister has saved you if sister was not there and DM had had to go into a home.
Total cost of rent DS has saved.
If it comes out in DS favour, give her an extra % of the house value.
If it comes out against DS, stick to one-third each, as it was your DM choice to house your DS.

Get an estate agent's rental valuation and suggest to DS that if she doesn't want to move out by X date next spring, she can rent from you, i.e. pay you and other DS one third of the rental value each (the other third she owns so doesn't pay rent on).
Get a tenancy contract drawn up and she can claim Universal Credit and Housing Benefit as needed.
Beware though - if you become a formal landlord that does create all sorts of legal and practical obligations for you.

My husband is in the same situation as you. His unemployed brother has always lived at home, never contributed- in fact, his mum paid the brother £650 a month allowance to top up his UC. Now DH needs to sell the house - hopefully the brother cooperates however it’s a shit situation because brother can’t afford to live there on UC but will lose UC when house sale goes through.

He wasn’t a carer for their mum - complete opposite.

Tell your sister if she wants to live in it she’ll need to buy you out. She might live in it but it’s not her house. It belongs in equal shares to all 3 of you. Consult a lawyer and tell her the cost of that will also reduce what she gets as it’s coming out of the estate. I can’t be doing with scroungers like this. She sounds awful.

I would be really surprised if you don't fall out over this, perhaps permanently. Your DSis is going to want to stay there and will probably refuse to budge. It'll be quite difficult getting her out and if your other sibling isn't wanting to cause ructions then you won't get much back up there. I don't have any useful suggestions I'm afraid other than suggesting that if you do want to sell that you get a hard hat and prepare for a fairly unpleasant time.

Personally I would be considering just how much your DSis had saved you by living with your DM as her carer and whether you'd be having any equity at all left in the house if she hadn't and she'd had to go into a home. I'd be tempted to ask DSis to leave the house in her will split between the children of you and your other sibling as that might be the easier, less painful solution (and more cost effective as I'd be really surprised if you get her out without having to go down the legal route) and hope she keeps the house in a reasonable state in the meantime.

Whos paying the bills now?

From a legal point of view this all sounds fine and you are within your rights to sell and split the proceeds.

But from a human point of view your sister just lost her mum and is now going to lose her lifetime home. I probably would have been a bit more sensitive about that situation and planned it with her a bit better over a longer period of time. It seems very cold of you to action all this so quickly.

This

You honesty think the sister would be open to that discussion at any point? C’mon. She wants to stay in the house end off. Can’t/wont face reality.

Why can't she?

She is the executor, the estate owns the house, live-in sister has zero legal standing here.

What a shame that your desire to improve your pension overrides your desire to see your sister remains in the only home she has ever known. Obviously she will be very reluctant to move out - wouldn’t you? Forcing this issue is definitely going to damage any relationship you may have with her - are you ok with that?
I would advise you to speak to her about getting a realistic valuation of the house as it stands - with a sitting tenant - to determine what just how much money you’re dealing with. You need to factor in selling costs and potentially the cost of taking her to court to force a sale. From that point, there may be room for negotiations for her to buy you out.

How will your sister afford the upkeep and repairs if she stays in the house. If it is as bad as you say then it will depreciate in price.

I would give your sister more time as it will be a major upset for her but stress that the house needs work and if she continues to refuse to move then you will have to apply to the court which will cost all 3 of you money.

Did she do all of the caring? In a lot of families, the brothers expect the woman to do all of it and do very little themselves, in which case, it would be nice to let her have the house, unless you or he are really struggling.
Not always, of course, there are some very caring sons and daughters who do nothing, and it would be sexist to say otherwise, but there are some families round here where the load always seems to be on one woman.

We have relatives on DH's side who could be in this position. 3 siblings, one in late 50s has never left home. Quite happy being waited on by his mum, who still does his laundry etc. Both parents are alive, one is ill but the other parent is the carer not the son. Other siblings left home and have their own houses etc. One of these siblings probably does more for parents than the one living at home. Not sure how it will pan out when both parents die.

When my parents sold their home that I was still living in (I had no legal ownership to it) I had to sign documentation to say I was happy for them to sell it