Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

[Dutchhouse14]

Our DM passed away a few months ago and her will divides everything equally between me and my 2 siblings.
Im the sole executor.
Dsis ,mid 50s, has always lived at home, never moved out. Towards the end of mums life she became her carer.
She works limited hours although she has increased these with overtime since mum passed away but full time contracts are non existent in her sector.
Shes used to pay a small amount of housekeeping but this stopped when she was made redundant from full time work about 10 years ago.
DMs house is in a bad state of repair, none of us can afford to maintain it . Me and my other sibling want to sell.
But DSis is resisting ,not replying to texts, avoiding phones calls, went out when estates agents came round for valuations etc
She has limited income and savings but could get a small mortgage and with proceeds of sale she could get a 1 bed flat.
My other sibling agrees we need to sell but doesn't want to upset dsis and is generally very good at avoidance! They are happy to give Dsis a much bigger share ie 50% I would prefer 40% which i think is realistic for dsis to buy somewhere.
So ive become the wicked witch of the West in Dsis eyes and shes taking it all out on me, well basically stopped talking to me.
WIBU to put the house on the market?
Probate has been granted.
Anyone know what the legal situation is?
I dont want to fall out with Dsis, I love her, but she seems filled with resentment for me and frankly has said some very hurtful things.
Ive always been there for her but shes never ever reciprocated or supported me when ive needed it.
Although I live with DH and DC, the money would really help my future, my pension etc and I dont want to give my share to Dsis, which is what I think she really wants as shes used to being in charge of DMs money , always lived here so I think basically considers everything as hers.
Just dont know how to move things forward or if im being unreasonable selling the house and wanting my share

You said you want the money for pensions and future and you have your own home and don’t need the money right now. Your sister has also been your mums carer, to the detriment of her own earning power and that is a thankless and full on job.
I would give her a year, to get back on her feet and find herself again, build up her earnings and savings and come to terms with moving out of her home.
i imagine too that the house holds a lot more memories of your mother and her than it does for you as she was living there.
could you offer to give a years grace with a specific date it will go on the market?

For those saying the sister was vulnerable she was also in charge of DM’s finances, do surely not that vulnerable

I would give her a year, to get back on her feet and find herself again, build up her earnings and savings and come to terms with moving out of her home.

Who is paying for the necessary repairs to the house and preventing it from deteriorating further during that year?

Plus council tax, insurance, utilities....

Hi OP, I’m very sorry for your loss.
This very situation happened when my grandad died. My uncle lived at home all his life, and cared for my grandad in his last years. My dad and aunt wanted to sell the house.
In some ways they all found a way around things for everyone to ‘win’, they arranged with a solicitor for the house to go into my uncle’s name and he borrowed against it to pay them what they would’ve received from a sale based on valuation. There were some small nuances to this arrangement I can give you more intel on if you want.
But - whilst the arrangement seems neatly sewn up, lots of unforgivable things had been said when they were trying to force him out, and 16 years on our family is still torn apart from it. I can only visit them and wider family in silos (wider family took sides), but when I do they all complain about the others. Emotionally draining.
I have many thoughts and insight if you would like to message on it.
If you are able, one thing I highly suggest is allowing each other more time to process your grief individually before you commit, grief can be like a cloud whilst it never fully disappears it can feel smaller with time and people may change their mind at that point, or it simply removes some of the immediate tension to make the path ahead slightly easier to navigate.
With best wishes

I completely agree with this. Living with someone and becoming their carer and then watching them deteriorate and eventually die is very traumatic. You are your other sibling will have been protected from having to deal from this situation, which can be extremely hard work and emotionally very draining. It seems as though your sister has had limited work opportunities due to caring for your mum, so this is something that she maybe needs to be reimbursed for. My suggestion is that you take a step back, slow down the process of selling the house and think about how you can financially thank her for her caring contribution and being there for your mum as she was dying thus enabling you and your other sibling to be removed from the situation. Acknowledgment of the emotional turmoil this may have caused might help to ease the situation.

Agree with this. Was your sister ever paid or gifted money for being her carer?? This also seems very unfair to me and I can imagine this is really really stressful for her. It is for everyone of course but that has been her home. Your mother could have thought this through better and I wonder if your sister thought she would be given more in the will if she had been a carer for a long period of time; it’s absolutely hell on earth to care for someone when they are end of life; especially if it’s someone you love. Don’t underestimate how hard that has likely been for your sister.
Im also wondering if you & your other sibling discussed this possible outcome of her still being resident in the house after your mum passed; surely it would have been obvious that this was the way things were headed.

In your shoes, assuming she wasn’t paid a salary for being a carer, I would be same as your other sister and be more generous than the will states and give her more than a third.

I’d see it differently. The Dsis is in a house that needs expensive upkeep and maintenance. It’s also not her sole house. A bit of carrot and stick needed … the OP has to execute the will, and might get the other sibling on board to help find an alternative place to live. Of course this would need to be done sympathetically and with patience, but if the Dsis is resistant, she needs to be guided towards a solution.

Exactly this ⬆️

It's worth considering when the mum made the will.
Many people make a will and don't update it when circumstances change.
If it was made 5 years or more before she died, before her daughter became her full time carer, that should be taken into consideration.