Selling inherited house when sibling living in it

[Dutchhouse14]

Our DM passed away a few months ago and her will divides everything equally between me and my 2 siblings.
Im the sole executor.
Dsis ,mid 50s, has always lived at home, never moved out. Towards the end of mums life she became her carer.
She works limited hours although she has increased these with overtime since mum passed away but full time contracts are non existent in her sector.
Shes used to pay a small amount of housekeeping but this stopped when she was made redundant from full time work about 10 years ago.
DMs house is in a bad state of repair, none of us can afford to maintain it . Me and my other sibling want to sell.
But DSis is resisting ,not replying to texts, avoiding phones calls, went out when estates agents came round for valuations etc
She has limited income and savings but could get a small mortgage and with proceeds of sale she could get a 1 bed flat.
My other sibling agrees we need to sell but doesn't want to upset dsis and is generally very good at avoidance! They are happy to give Dsis a much bigger share ie 50% I would prefer 40% which i think is realistic for dsis to buy somewhere.
So ive become the wicked witch of the West in Dsis eyes and shes taking it all out on me, well basically stopped talking to me.
WIBU to put the house on the market?
Probate has been granted.
Anyone know what the legal situation is?
I dont want to fall out with Dsis, I love her, but she seems filled with resentment for me and frankly has said some very hurtful things.
Ive always been there for her but shes never ever reciprocated or supported me when ive needed it.
Although I live with DH and DC, the money would really help my future, my pension etc and I dont want to give my share to Dsis, which is what I think she really wants as shes used to being in charge of DMs money , always lived here so I think basically considers everything as hers.
Just dont know how to move things forward or if im being unreasonable selling the house and wanting my share

Exactly! I wouldn’t assume it was altruistic from the sisters pov. She obviously didn’t have significant enough needs to need to go in to a nursing home. She was obviously able to be cared for at home.

I would understand if she left a well paid job to be a carer but she barely worked by the sounds of it. It would seem strange that carers would have to come in when she’s living there rent free and is at home most of the time…

This is not a woman who gave up her life to care for her mother, this is a woman who failed to launch, never bothered to leave the nest. Didn't have a life to give up!

That’s what I’m taking from it too!

That would be very much the wrong move to make, the will forms a temporary trust with the executor as "trustee", they have two years under the trusts regulations to dispense with and distribute the assets of the trust - if it takes longer it has to be registered. At the present it should stay registered in the deceased persons name thus forming part of their estate, under the control of the executor.

If it was transferred to the 3 of them as tenants in common, then the asset would be deemed as distributed, that could make things harder and put more power in the resident sisters hands.

OP needs to see a solicitor.

OP, there is some info here on the situation in which you find yourself - but ultimately, you need to seek legal advice. https://www.propertysolvers.co.uk/articles/what-happens-when-one-sibling-is-living-in-an-inherited-property-and-refuses-to-sell/

The painful truth is, contesting a will wont be cheap, like most things when lawyers are brought in. They dont do it for nowt!! It would be likely to be a long drawn out procedure and could potentially wipe out much of the inheritance money.
Best to try and sort it out as amicably as possible, in my opinion

OP she's your sister. You're all going through something awful, but to expect her to face packing her life up and moving out on top of that seems a little cold.

Sort it so that she has a year or two and revisit. While DS might have benefitted from cheaper housing, you have benefitted from having someone at home looking after DM so you didn't have to worry about any of it. I think even if you're not prepared to pay extra money to reflect that, at least allow her time.

(I feel so weirdly lucky sometimes that my inheritance will be fuck all. I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my brilliant siblings for any amount of money.)

As executor you are legally bound to administer the estate. It's not for you to decide who gets what, that is set out in the will. The house must be sold so that all beneficiaries can receive their inheritance.

You should take legal advice purely to find out the best way to go about the process of selling the house when someone is living in it.

Personally I think it would be cleaner to evict your dsis first and then market the house for sale. If she doesn't agree to leave, you are likely to need a court order and it's better to do that before you market the property than at the point of exchange.

As a few pp have said, you absolutely need to get legal advice asap, in your capacity as the executor. As executor you need to follow the will and make sure assets are looked after properly until they can be distributed according to the will- I don't know how allowing someone to remain living there for an extended time would fit with that, particularly if they are making it hard to maintain/sell the house. If the beneficiaries (including you) all decide to give one sister a bigger share there is a legal procedure to follow to allow you, as executor, to do that.

Morally, I think a lot depends on why your sister always lived with your mum, how much she contributed to household costs when she was paying, why she didn't look for another job or even pay housekeeping when she lost her job 10 years ago, how much care your mum needed/for how long, and whether there was ever any family discussion about her becoming your mum's carer. Also, whether she knew this was what your DM's will says.

For example, if she had been working for 20+ years and paying next to nothing, then just didn't feel like applying for jobs when she was made redundant I'd say she's had a bit of an easy ride and plenty of opportunity to save some money for the time when she did need to move out. Especially if she always knew what the will provided and if the care needed was not significant/ not for a long time.

If she had paid some rent and also covered half of all bills, then agreed with your DM not to work so she could help her have a better quality of life then perhaps it's different, but I'd wonder why the will was never changed to reflect this. If there was a discussion with the family about how to pay for significant care, and the sister offered to do it in return for living in the house, again I think this changes things and morally she should be helped more to get a suitable home.

I fear I am facing a similar situation when my DM passes and my situation is more like the first example above.

It really isn't that simple, which is why the OP needs to talk to a solicitor - getting an order for sale is very costly, takes a long time and could be ruled against leaving them in uneasy limbo forever more.

Your dsis spent 10 years caring for your mother and potentially saving thousands in care fees. She may be in shock still and not able to move on as quickly as you can. Give her a little space to grieve @Dutchhouse14 , it isn't easy for people who have given their life to care for a relative and then find themselves homeless at the end due to other sibling wanting the money. You sound harsh and appear to put finances before feelings. Yes you inherited a third and your other sister appears to understand better the difficulties of caring and then essentially being kicked out of a home.

Breathe and attempt to see from you caring dsis point of view. You'll get your money just pause a bit.

I have not read the whole thread so somebody may already have said this, but it seems to me that your sister might be able to make a claim for more than the share of the house left her by the will. Sounds like she was financially dependent on your late mother for a roof over her head and probably deserves consideration of the fact that she may have reduced her own earning capacity by her caring duties. If your sister has the wit to consult a lawyer you may find yourselves having to pay her more than you would like. Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act is the relevant legislation.

This. For some the death of a person they cared and looked after for years is awful. For others, it's just a matter of inheriting money and getting on with life.

What are your options?

1. try and force a sale
2. she lives in it until her death and then it's sold?
3. you and the other sister buy her out and she rents it off you?

It would be worth trying to sit down with her to try and establish what she wants and whether you can accommodate that in some way.
It sounds a very difficult time for all of you. I'm sorry for your loss.

I think this is what any decent solicitor would advise as a starting point - it is better to work out an agreement together rather than go to law.
In a case like this it could fall either way, so its better to have mutual agreement rather than the resentment of a third party making a decision you all then have to live with.

Yes agreed unmarried daughters ( sometimes sons, but less common) who remain at home as carers sometimes experience all kinds of detrimental impact such as social insolation, and low self esteem, no access to further training or higher education qualifications, but it's often the financial impact that is actual the easiest to quantify in terms of where she might have been had she worked full time instead of juggling carer responsibilitues , even an average paid job, especially if the bulk of the carer was left to her without other siblings helping out

I can understand the sister being upset, & would give her a bit of time, but not endless time while the house falls apart around her ears. She'd be much better off in a small flat for her own sake as well as yours & your other sis, @Dutchhouse14 - presumably she wouldn't be able to afford the upkeep of your mum's house on her own small wage.

Another agreement here on the need for legal advice, but "get it on the market" isn't going to work as long as DS is living there because she'll sabotage any hope of a sale in her own interests

As PPS have said, if your late mum wanted this any other way then it was up to her to write a will accordingly, but since she didn't I wish you good luck because I suspect you'll need it

surely the sister was aware of what was going to happen-so why does she need so much time to adjust?

While I agree with most of what you have said, I would not give your share to your sibling outright. Rather let them have a life interest and then your share goes to your child when they pass or start a relationship.

The reason for this being that anyone can make or change a will at any time and disinherit your child once you’ve given them your share outright!.

If they want to enter into a relationship then their priorities may change and they both longer wish to leave everything to your child!
(This is also why am against mirror wills too!)
So many cases of children losing out to step relatives because their parents did not ring fence their estates!

It’s all gain for you OP and mostly loss for your sister in terms of the split in her view. If you don’t desperately need the £s, give her at least some more time. You have a DH, DC. Sounds like your Mum was her life or a big part of it. There could be good reasons she stayed at home. Does she have any difficulties or disabilities? She must be really down and feeling lost. Avoiding comms typical when someone bereft as finding it all hard. Those who say you owe her nothing are heartless. She’s your little sister and a human being. That’s more important than any quick cash grab. You’ll get there but be kind. Thinking you’re the wicked witch of the West might indicate you need to go a bit more softly. IMHO. The Jerry McGuire ‘show me the money’ 💰 views be along again soon…

Im always shocked by how heartless and lacking in compassion many Mumsnet users are, but some of the comments on this thread are just horrible. this thread is about the OP’s SISTER, not some random squatter who is occupying the house.

She should be in a good position, though. She only became a carer recently. She hasn't paid any housing costs in 10 years and before that was paying a nominal amount. Over 30 years as an adult living off her mum, she should have been able to save a lot even in a poor paying job. Shes clearly just used to being supported and now wants the OP and her other sister to make sacrifices for her so she doesnt have to grow up.

This.

Look up the responsibilities of executor, you are personally liable.

There doesn't seem to be a lawyer as co-executor - also a nightmare in this situation (although the OP would likely need her own advice anyway.)

Interestingly, the mother did not have the child living with her and looking after her in this role. OP is sole, and having to clean up what appears to be not only a financial mess but an emotional and personal one.