Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

Environmental Protection Act 1990 (Section 79): Covers "statutory nuisances" originating from premises or land. This includes unreasonable or harmful noise, artificial light, smoke, fumes, smells, dust, and insect infestations. Local councils must investigate complaints and serve an abatement notice if the issue interferes substantially with your property enjoyment or harms your health.

Yeah they complained about his squeaky swing too! The chain has snapped now and he doesn’t go on it.

Well they are not allowed that freedom
But for your information
Girls can also be profoundly autistic and hsve extremely challenging behaviour too.

Had to look this up but was fairly sure that for noise to legally be considered Anti-Social Behaviour (ASB) or a "statutory nuisance," it must be excessive, unreasonable, and substantially interfere with the use of a home. From what I read children playing or* *vocalising during reasonable daylight hours is ordinary everyday living noise. Because it is a direct manifestation of a child’s autism (stimming), it is protected under the umbrella of his disability.

As others have said 10-year-old child playing naked in their own private garden in a paddling pool is not a crime or a matter for the housing association matter. From what you say the neighbours have to make a bit of effort to view your DS? I mean, who NEEDS to stand looking out of upstairs bedroom windows during the daytime unless they are deliberately trying to see into your garden?

If so, I’d ask the neighbours to acquaint themselves with voyeurism and privacy law, as they generally state that if a neighbour has to deliberately peer out of an upstairs bedroom window to see into an otherwise private garden, the expectation of privacy sits with the family, not the onlooker… and THEY are potentially committing an offence. After all, if they can hear him out there, making all that disturbance, they know he is there when they walk all the way upstairs and have a stare out of their window? And they will have had to do it multiple times to learn that he routinely plays naked in the pool, so they are looking in expectation that he may be naked?

Might be worth writing back to the HA to express your concern that the complaining neighbours are a safeguarding risk to your little boy and enquire whether the police needs to be involved. That should put the wind up every one…

You are replying to me as though I'm the original poster.
Im saying because my son vocally stims and is not able to control his vocal stims is not sufficient reason for him to be put in care. You seem to be doubling down on this without any sense that you are being ridiculous. Thank you for informing me that I'm not failing but I'm well aware I'm not failing my son. I don't need to put him in supported living either.

You have an expectation of privacy in your own home without voyeristic neibours looking out their bedroom windows to see over your 9ft fence, throw it back on the HA that they keep spying on your 10 year old son.

Hes not running around nsked now
Hes stripping off in his own garden.

Are you advocating a little 10 year old boy with autism be taken away from his mum because he’s perfectly happily playing in his garden? Are you OK?

Clearly your nephew, if he exists and hasn’t been invented for this post so you can be vicious, was very poorly parented by
your sibling, but what’s this got to do with the OP?

I do but my son doesn't so it was my job to find ones that worked for him.
It's not something that the general public should be expected to change just for us it's us who need to adapt to the world we live in

While I love your tone, am not sure the neighbours can be bollocked for looking out their own window, even at a naked child.

If they filmed/photographed, for sure.

A child can play naked in their garden freely, a next door neighbour can also be free to do what they like in their house, including looking out the window.

This is very tricky, OP, but I do think now, aged 10, is the time you have to act on the nakedness.

I do get how difficult it is. One of my relatives didn't want to wear pants as they slid into dementia/cognitive decline, but they were still living with the family. It didn't make logical sense to them because they were incontinent, so to them, being in the privacy of their own home, they thought it better not to wear them.

All very logical, but completely unacceptable with children around, even next door's children if they can see this going on, IMO. I don't think it's quite the same as discreet nude sunbathing, as it's all the time and he's making very loud noises, so it's extremely hard to ask other children to look away.

It's the same for any children who have learning disabilities, or adults with cognitive difficulties, disinhibition, impulsivity, dementia and so on.

However, the need for them to remain with a minimum of clothing still remains and I would start on those rules now. You can't go in the garden if you don't have pants/shorts and a T-shirt, even if you want to, and if you take them off, you have to put them back on. That's also the rules for visitors; anyone visits, you have to wear clothes. Reward compliance, consequences for not.

It's much easier to do this now, set these rules, find comfy things to wear, and endure the learning curve now than when he's 13, gone through adolescence, or older, when people's tolerance will be even less than now.

It may be that you never fully get on top of this, and in that case, you are likely that, as he gets older, he will be looking at supported care with multiple carers to go anywhere, given that we can't have adult men wandering the streets without clothes on, whatever condition they have.

I've just never understood why it is a problem for children to see naked human beings. What do people think is going to happen? That children will discover men have penises and women have vulvas? Why should this be a secret?

I’m autistic, as are DP and our eldest son (the jury’s out on our youngest, but he is currently awaiting assessment) and I don’t think it’s ableist. You are pretty much suggesting that every autistic person is like you. Some people aren’t in control of their impulses due to their autism. Of course that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences for their actions, but I’m sure you know that autism manifests itself differently in different people. DS1’s best friend when he was in primary school also had autism and used to attack other children (including DS1) when he was feeling overstimulated. He also ate paper and other non edible items and had frequent meltdowns. DS1 has never had a meltdown. He tends to shut down when overwhelmed. He has never eaten paper or attacked anyone. The boy who used to do that has grown up into a lovely, gentle young man. Some people with ASD do stuff that would be considered antisocial. Others don’t. There’s no template.

I must also add, having a child with a disability is a protected characteristic and as such cannot be treated the same as a NT child screaming their lungs off for the fun of it.

So whilst it's shit that a child can disturb others, when it simply cannot be helped - you cannot be penalised for the behaviour.

Surely that's up to the parents to decide though?

If they’re severely autistic then they wouldn’t but at least 2/3s of the prisoners have ND and so an autistic person who doesn’t receive the correct support is more at risk of getting arrested and put in prison.

We do not know enough about that posters child to know ‘how autistic’ they are.

Which they can do? By saying 'Don't look out the window into next door's garden.'?

It's a shame you feel on edge in your own home/garden, but from their point of view, they've probably been feeling on edge, too. Loud noises put me on edge. Continuous noise is bad, but repeated sudden sharp sounds without warning are perhaps even more wearing on my nerves. Wanting to prevent a young grandchild from seeing the neighbour's child with no clothes on is probably enough to put some people on edge, as well.

I understand why someone wouldn't necessarily want to speak directly to their neighbour about this but instead go through official channels, so I'd try not to take that personally.

Sadly, I also know of a similar case, and I suppose the thing is at 10, it's just about plausible to emphasise that 10 is a child, but back in the real world, this is not standard behaviour at all, and by 12/13 likely to be problematic. I don't see any reason to disbelieve this thread, many LD, autistic and cognitively impaired people go through puberty and have sexual desires too, as do older people, and disinhibition and not being able to absorb social norms (and then being vulnerable to others through this inability) is absolutely a part of care needs during adolescence and older.

Right if a 13 year old boy assaults me he’s getting reported to police .

The fact that it’s happened repeatedly and presumably no one is reporting is probably why his parents or carers haven’t tightened up on things. He shouldn’t be repeatedly in the position to cause harm.

It’s not fair on him either to let it go unchecked - then 3 years later he wallops a strange man who knocks him out.

It was more of a generic reply to the lady who made a generic comment, rather than this situation.

It is difficult but as long as you are trying your best and letting the landlord know this then that’s all you can do.

I know loads of autistic children who were able to be taught to keep clothes on but some took a lot longer than others to understand.

Some needed specific clothes that were just for outdoors and a few are young adults/adults and they still try and strip off in public.

There is a big difference between letting a child go out to play naked vs them stripping off without you realising.

I understand the neighbours concerns but just ring the council and explain.

On a thread where one of the issues is nudity, it very clearly isn't a 'generic' comment made in the abstract. It's made in the context of the thread.

OP my concern about the nudity is you don’t know who’s around. In this situation the neighbours son or son in law for example might come over sometimes and for all we know he could be a predator. So it’s best if you get a grip on the nudity outdoors regardless.

Ok, you need to be right, you need to tell me what I mean, ok, have it. I simply do not care. Bravo.
Shall we move on, instead of fill the OP's post with utter point scoring nonsense as is the MN way?