Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

LOL my neighbours are also doing this regarding my son with autism, but rest assured the council won't actually accept noise complaints relating to children; certainly not those with additional needs.

Carry on as you are. Do not let them stop your enjoyment of life and DO NOT let them tell you what to do. They tell you to keep him quiet and you do, then they will make more demands. Making noise is part of a child's development, do not make him quiet, do not stop him going out in the garden. You are on your property, they don't have any reason or right to stare into your garden and dictate what your child can and cannot do. Unless he is harassing them or damaging their property, they do not have a leg to stand on.

Don't be sad, get mad. These entitled fucks are coming after your baby, so don't you dare let them. If they do anything against you or your son make a record of it. Otherwise carry on as you are, enjoy your time outside together. Tell them to stop twitching their curtains and get a fucking grip.

Well I want to say that you should be able to do what you want but honestly would I want to live next to that level of noise? No, so I don't think I can truly say that they should have to.

We have an awning for sun - but it blocks some sound - a PP suggested Shade Sails to help with being overlooked or Pergola or Gazebo Canopies or planting - arches with flowers up anything to absorb a bit of noise and add some privacy from the upstairs windows.

Last house neighbour complained bitterly to everyone about my kids noise in garden - we owned so less stress but it made us uncomfortable and I started going out a lot with kids- wasn't till another neighbour hearing more complaints pointed out we were hardely ever in so how could all this noise be going on that I realised it was silly trying to accomodate as much as we were.

Autistic or not that’s getting too old to be nude in an overlooked garden. You need to come up with a plan so he’s not still doing when he’s 13 or 14

Maybe she should just remove his autism? Or make him turn 32 on his next birthday so he's quieter?

Did I say I had the answer? I think I was pretty clear that I don't.

Sure but then there comes a time where if he won’t wear them he needs to stay inside, and that time is coming for the OP

We cant lock people up because they maybe violent one day
Anyone could potentially be violent.

It’s a hard one, one of our neighbours put up a camera covering part of our fenced private rear garden.

We called the police sorry not an us issue. Tried the ico or whatever it’s called ah private owner not a company sorry we anit going to do anything really.

So in the end I went to our local cllr and also threatened to inform the council that their licensed to drive school children alone taxi driver was recording my children in our pool. The camera got moved.

Op, as the mum of a now 36 year old who amongst other things is severely autistic I’m sorry but 10 years old is too old to be in the garden naked.

Even with the understanding I have of autism I wouldn’t like to see this and it’s time to start trying other things before he develops even more.

Im sorry you’re hurting, I really am.

Because of avoidable neighbour noise.

This is arguably unavoidable.

Also, do their grandchildren make a noise when they visit?

Or in his 70 and 80s like Dmum now deseased neighbour - Mum grew really thick hedges the wife always seem to cut down to much so she could go up the washing line withoutinadvertently seeing and didn't stare out upstairs back windows.

Do not think he had an excuse other than it was his garden and only house that could possibly see was my parents.

Apparently it's only illegal in UK if the nakeness is done with sexual element or if it causes distress, alram or harrismen. Police and legal advisors recommend using hedges, fences, or parasols to screen your garden from public and neighbor view.

It's not ideal and I'm sure OP is working on it complaing about a naked autistic 10 year old in their own harden with 6-7 feet fencing seems mean TBH.

Catgotyourbrain
Oh OP it's a shame they didn't speak to you.

This is it really - if neighbours had just popped a note through the door at the beginning of the summer let OP know their DGC would be visiting a lot over the summer and they’d notice her DS naked and wanted to let her know, she could have taken firmer steps to oversee and manage it. But she was unaware it was an issue to anyone else.

However, that doesn’t excuse them complaining about his vocal stimming (echolalia). Lots of severely disabled people make involuntary and loud and persistent noises. It can make you feel uncomfortable sitting in a cafe or garden centre listening to it when you’re trying to eat/chat… but if anyone complained they’d be called out for the ableist, selfish and insensitive people they are. Just like OP’s neighbours are.

It wasn’t really about the nudity which PP here have been obsessed with - it was about a pair of ableist, selfish and intolerant old people making OP feel she should apologise for her DS’s disability. In her shoes (mum of 2 AuDHD kids here) I’d just tell them to shove their complaint letter where the sun doesn’t shine.

OP I am really surprised a complaint has been progressed in relation to ordinary household noise and behaviour that relates to a disability which is protected under equalities legislation. I used to work in social housing and while I appreciate you may not want to raise your profile think if you repost under legal advice or SEN you could get some help in countering the complaint as it sounds like it is causing you worry, whereas the HA should actually be advocating for you and your son here.

No lock up people who have repeatedly shown they are violent and have potential to kill or maim people..... thought thats fairly obvious.
Frankly the standards for DOL is far too high. However the people responsible whether that be carers or parents should also be charged cause id be damm sure things like that would happen a lot less. This thread has shown how many people think autism is an excuse to behave however with absolutely 0 consideration for other people.
Ive been out with my 1.5y when a clearly disabled 8y bounded over and started playing but extremely aggressively, his parents were pottering along behind, not overly concerned trying to placate him. Whilst I had to tell their child to be gentle and that my baby was too young to play with like that.
Parents dander over saying hes autistic as if it makes any difference.... so bloody control him or dont go out with him. But dont put my child in danger or put it on me to protect him. I watched this behaviour repeat around the area for hours and the parents thought that his autism was a get out of jail free card. They weren't even trying to control him.

Just sending some support and hugs your way op. The only thing I would be bothered about is HIS dignity for when he's older and stripping off in the garden. You have a couple of years to try and sort the stripping, for his modesty xx

The person you responded to was correct in law. Anyone in the UK can legally be naked in their own well fenced garden as long as the intent is, roughly, wholesome.

I can understand that the neighbours don't like the noise, but you have a child with autism and he can't help it and he has a right to live there. He probably needs the garden to regulate.

And if he's naked, they can choose not to look from their bedroom window. This is what I would do and I would also advise my kids not to look.

But that has nothing to do with this thread
And ime parents of children with disabillities and challenging behaviour are extra vigilant

I really feel for you op - your son deserves to play in the garden and live his life. You deserve to not have to worry about this. I think your neighbours are mean spirited and disablist. I wouldn't mind living next to you

Well fuck me, here I am playing MN autism bingo and somebody mentions violent paranoid schizophrenia. 🙄We've never stooped that low before, vipers.

I was doing so well because I had:

"Well I am/my DC is autistic and I do not stim/use violence/get naked in public/irritate my neighbours"

AND

"mental elf" (good description of my autistic DS10 tbf)

AND

"unreasonable noise nuisance"

AND

"severe end of the spectrum" (which always gives me a good chuckle).

OP - you sound lovely, you're a great mum, and your neighbours may be irritated with your son but they are also twats. Many MN'ers make the fundamental mistake of thinking that autism is something that does not happen to decent parents and can actually be discilplined out of a child. That is obviously a load of tripe.

Let the boy be. I am a firm believer in the regulating power of nature, and DS would spend the whole day in the garden if he could, rain or shine. The only way I could persuade him to wear clothes in the garden this Summer was to let him go bollocko at the breakfast table. Would a similar compromise keep your shitbag neighbours (and their very delicate grandchildren) happy?

Finally, if the pp could post a link to the M&S onesies on p1 of the thread I would be a very happy viper. 😁

What’s any of this got to do with a child playing in his own garden?

I don't see a problem eith the nudity. I used to sunbathe topless in my garden in my very early 20s.

As for the noise its a shame they didn't mention it to you first. Other posters will say your child should be able to scream outdoors all day long and to say otherwise is ableist. I think this is incredibly selfish and if you can work with them then you should. Everyone should be able to enjoy their outdoor space.

Oh OP - some of the responses here and your neighbours:(

You are doing your best and your boy deserves to be able to enjoy his garden. Who bloody cares about his noise or nudity.

There is an autistic child in a garden behind ours - he bounces on his trampoline while vocally stimming. He loves it and if it bothers me there are head phones - but it doesn’t. He isn’t always out and he is way less annoying than the two siblings who screech at each other and way less annoying than the ones that play techno!

Your neighbours don’t know what a bad neighbour is - and I bet if they did they wouldn’t be saying shit!

I haven't read the whole thread and I've name changed because my reply might be slightly outing.
I'm not your neighbour (judging from the details you've given) but I am a neighbour to a non-verbal autistic child who is a similar age to yours - and I have also complained about my neighbours.
I understand it's difficult for the parents of autistic children, and general noises/stimming wouldn't bother me, but because of my own disability, loud noises do make me jump and it is quite uncomfortable for me if this happens several times over a prolonged period. I did explain this to my neighbour before making a complaint, but do you know if your neighbours have any disabilities or health issues that make it difficult for them to handle the noise?
It sounds like you are supervising your child as much as you can - my neighbours don't and the child regularly bangs (loud!) on my windows and doors. I would obviously make sure you continue to supervise him well and make sure he's not affecting their privacy in any way.
I do understand that it's difficult to care for an autistic child, but I would be concerned about your child being naked in the garden mostly for his own dignity and safety than your neighbours. The chances are your neighbours don't have any malicious intentions, but I would maybe keep an eye on him undressing, particularly as he gets older.
You do seem like you keep a closer eye on your child than my own neighbours, but I just wanted to give you some perspective from the other side.