Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

[NatureandBee]

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

? It's not illegal to have cctv catching neighbours gardens.

And yes, I know the OP said she's trying - and that he's fine when out and about the front.

As others have said, what difference would it have made it they spoke to you first? It sounds like something you can't really control. Is the concern more than you will be asked to move?
Also is the house detached? Can they hear noise inside too?

Filming neighbours in their gardens is a breach of privacy. Not to mention GDPR.

I would try to enforce him dressing. As he gets older, him running around naked could be a real issue.

But, as for the rest - well cold weather will crash in soon, and no one is going to be running around outside, making a noise.

Have a google.
It's not illegal. It's not keeping with guidance, it's not illegal, you said illegal.

Agreed - but if they them complain about what they see when looking out that window, and to the HA rather than just advising OP that they’ve noted it and it makes them uncomfortable, then the gloves should come off! 🤣

Agree. There are adult nudists out there and they would be allowed to do this in a fenced in yard. They can explain to their grandkids that some people like to take their clothes off, or they can cover the windows at the time.

I dont need to look it up. Filming your neighbour in their own garden is a breach of privacy - more so in fenced areas where you have an expectation of privacy.

No on should have to wear ear plugs in their own home because of neighbour noise

Don't like the truth? OK shrugs.
It's not illegal.

Your neighbours are arseholes.

I think this reflects way worse on them than it does on you.

As long as he's not being noisy after 11pm then they don't have a leg to stand on.

Are there any other signs of harassment?

It’s really not OK for a 10-year-old to be naked in the garden. I appreciate it’s difficult to manage him, but as the parent, you do need to. The fact that he’s autistic doesn’t mean it’s any more appropriate for him to be naked outdoors than it would be for any other 10-year-old.

The noise is a tricky one. I live next door to a family with two autistic children, one of which is nonverbal, and… it’s hellish sometimes. I appreciate it’s also hard for their parents, but ultimately they did choose to have children whereas I didn’t, and the impact on my life is often pretty substantial. The noise is very much not ‘just like other kids playing’ and ‘just a child enjoying herself’. It’s very repetitive, very loud, sounds very frantic, and is often interspersed with screaming meltdowns. It’s a lot. I haven’t complained, but it’s definitely had an impact on my mental health at times. The day my father died I was trying to have phone conversations with my distraught mother who had just broken the news, while repetitive shouting/screaming and door-banging stimming was echoing through the wall and I did think I was going to lose the plot entirely.

I’m not saying there’s anything my neighbours can do about it, but it is awful to live next to and ultimately you are always going to be more tolerant of noise when it’s your own child that you love. It’s less ignorable and less tolerable mentally when you have zero relationship with the kid.

The adult nudists do an annual bike ride through the centre of london every summer - not illegal. So neither is a boy playing naked in a paddling pool in one of the hottest summers we’ve had in decades.

Clearly the HA had let Op know they had had a complaint and to explain what was in it, but beyond that I suspect they could actually care less.

I hope OP can take a breath and realises this is a couple of petty old farts who need to get over themselves, especially when it concerns an autistic boy during the summer holidays (I am assuming he’s not out there now the weather has cooled).

Yet in a few years when that 10 year old is 15 people would be baying on here about sexual abuse of the onlooking child and how people should be able to look out of window in their own houses without being exposed to a man's genitals

Repeated or targeted filming of your neighbour - particularly in an area they could reasonably expect to be private (like an enclosed garden) - could lead to a claim under Protection from Harassment 1997 and if its recorded and stored under GDPR.

Capacity, or lack of it is treated differently by the justice system though. In cases where autism with intellectual disability or other deficits affects capacity, the legal path for serious criminality changes significantly. The fitness to stand trial or even plead depends on the capacity to understand the proceedings. And to convict someone of say serious assault, criminal intent has to be proved - it would be difficult to show that someone who lacks capacity has a guilty mind. In such cases courts issue a hospital order for a secure facility rather than a prison sentence. Which is why Jonty Bravery ended up in Broadmoor.

For those with spectrum disabilities who are judged to have capacity - and crucially are able to understand the law and the consequences of their actions, the justice system treats them as legally responsible and capable of criminal intent so they can be found fully guilty and imprisoned.

It’s also true that autistic individuals who face criminal trial experience harsher sentences and higher rates of imprisonment compared to the general public. It’s often down to failures in the system, lack of reasonable adjustment and in many cases the demeanour of the accused in front of a jury. Autism often comes across as flat in front of a jury, and can give the impression of lack of remorse. Behavioural issues during police interviews don’t help either because they're often misinterpreted as hostility or lack of cooperation.

Sounds a lot like my son was but thankfully I had more understanding neighbours. Have a look at the zip up the back onsies from M&S adapted range. It’s like a baby grow that goes up to age 16. Was good for keeping my son clothed in the garden.

Oh OP it's a shame they didn't speak to you.

I think for your DS sake you will have to make some kind of relationship with them. Do you have any kind of nodding aquaintance? Perhaps you could speak with them and find a way to chat, and then perhaps start by acknowledging that he isn't a typical child, and why, and perhaps explain your own boundaries with him to reassure them he doesn't have free reign. Explaining that he will aways come inside at x time, won't be playing for more than Y time out there etc, might help them to feel more in control. Also if you can get them to meet him at a relaxed moment they won't be able to see him as an unknown stranger and see him as a person ...

Mayb the HA can help you here. In an ideal world, which I know it isn't...

It’s illegal to film your neighbours wherever they have a reasonable expectation of privacy - that includes their back garden. You also have to be very careful with doorbell cameras to make sure the set range doesn’t intrude on privacy.

Jonty bravery should never have been allowed out in public and neither should any potentially violent person regardless

I was worried about the outcome should the son strip off whilst in public when he gets older. The OP has said now that he doesn't do that, so no problem there.
However, as another poster has said I would be concerned about visitors to the neighbours house. They could be anyone.

I think you’re both right.

I was out on my balcony during the heatwave wearing shorts and a top. Didn’t think anything of it but suddenly there was a drone camera hovering around and kept circling me.

Then while I was on the phone to the non-emergency line the drone started coming right at me and I had to run in.

They basically said if it keeps happening they can look into it, so I did the right thing by recording the drone as evidence and calling them, but as it was the first time they had no grounds to take any action initially.

But anyway in this situation or similar situations like if OP rented an Airbnb, the predators or insensitive people filming are not going to tell her if they do it. So unless she catches them she wouldn’t even know and then who knows where the image could go.

While you can’t wrap your kid up in cotton wool I feel by age 10- a few years from puberty- you should really try to avoid letting them be in situations like that. So yeah other people acting illegally IS something you do need to concern yourself with as a parent.

An in a few years time, I am sure he will have matured and OP will have his yen for undressing in his garden in hand - but:

a) the complaint is about ‘what he did last summer’, not about what he may do in the years ahead - goodness on that basis 2 years olds should not play naked either because one day they’ll be 32 and it will be sexually depraved! Well, unless you are riding a bike through the centre of London in a parade of other naked people, which is allowed because…
b) casual nudity in public is not actually illegal in the UK
c) if it is not deemed sexual abuse to see a parade of naked cyclists, how is it sexual abuse to ‘see’ [watching has a different connotation] another child playing naked in their garden?
d) no one has the right to dictate what they or their children see outside their windows, unless it breaks public decency laws.

Now I am as much a prude as the next person but people need to stop clutching their pearls. It was a kid. In a pool. In his garden. In the hottest summer on record for decades.

And how do you suggest that’s policed ? Just lock everyone up if they look like a threat ? There are laws around capacity and deprivation of liberty for a reason.

She IS trying to avoid him stripping off and no doubt will be trying the onesie suggested by previous posters.