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Neighbours complained about Autistic Son

570 replies

NatureandBee · Yesterday 13:20

Just found out that my next door neighbours have complained about my autistic DS. The complaint was related to him shouting in the garden(he’s non verbal and he vocally stims) and how he sometimes has no clothes on in the garden and their grandchildren can see him.

They put in a complaint to my HA and I wish they had spoken to me first. I do understand how loud he can be and I try hard to keep him dressed. The fences are high but they can see into my garden from their bedroom windows.

He’s not out there from morning til night, only in the school holidays and after school for a bit. I also work and he stays with his Dad for part of the week.

I feel so on edge now and feel like I can’t have him in the garden in case they complain again, I’m also a single parent and it makes me feel vulnerable that they have an issue with us.

They are an older couple with an immaculate garden/house. I do understand how they like to enjoy peace and quiet in their garden and obviously they deserve to not be disturbed.

I’m ashamed to say I cried when I was told of the complaint, I’m embarrassed now 🙈

OP posts:
StarlightLady · Yesterday 15:54

OP, lam sorry to hear you have this to deal with, it sounds as if you’ve had more than enough challenges.

Would it be possible for you to ask the housing officer if they could deliver a letter from you on your behalf to the party complaining? They can’t reveal who the complainant was, by l don’t see why they cannot do this.

You could set out how your son is non verbal and explain a little more about his disability and maybe an increase of awareness just might let them see things in a different light.

Take care OP and try not to let it get you down. x

Namenamchange · Yesterday 15:54

NatureandBee · Yesterday 14:41

Nope! They have never spoken to me about it. The housing officer actually asked them why they didn’t just speak to me first and they told her “Oh no! We couldn’t have done that!” 🙈

But maybe they are ND, or social phobia, or similar.

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 15:54

Tortephant · Yesterday 15:02

We don’t know, asked but OP isn’t answering, how long this has been going on.

we also don’t know what she is doing differently now it’s been raised with her.

They know the situation, OP has already clarified this.

so I assume they have been tolerant and understanding and something has triggered the escalation.

I find it difficult to believe they have been neighbours a few weeks and pressed the nuclear button straight off.

I think regardless of how long they have been there, the first thing they should have done was talk to OP and tried to come to some agreement. The HA will likely want to know why they haven’t tried to sort it out before escalating to a complaint anyway. I don’t think it’s particularly tolerant or understanding to put up with an annoyance and then escalate it to this extent without at least making contact with someone to discuss it. How hard is it to knock on your neighbours’ door and say ‘l have a problem’ ?

JulietteRoche · Yesterday 15:54

I'm afraid YA somewhat BU, although I think it was unkind of them to not raise it with directly. Your son should not be naked outside the house unless he is a literal toddler. I actually think that they are less reasonable about the noise, though. Unless he is making noise when people are sleeping, then that's just part of having neighbours.

godmum56 · Yesterday 15:55

howshouldibehave · Yesterday 13:40

I wouldn’t stop him going outside altogether if he enjoys it. I would try to support him inside or with an alternative space if he starts really shouting though.

Can the neighbours’ children see him naked? I would encourage pants or shorts on where possibly if he wants to go outside if so.

if they are seeing him over 9 foot fences they must have stilts!
I'd be discouraging them from looking into other people's gardens from bedroom windows as its plain rude.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 15:56

ClaudiaWankleman · Yesterday 15:29

I'm not telling you what you mean, I'm telling you you have fundamentally misunderstood the concept of the chat forum if you think we are all making generic comments into the ether.

Well, seems you need to have the last world, fine.

Timeforachange26 · Yesterday 15:56

DontBuyAnotherBook · Yesterday 13:45

Have you tried to keep clothes on an autistic child who doesn't want to wear them. It is very difficult.

What do people do when out in public? Not seen many naked kids walking about

godmum56 · Yesterday 15:57

JulietteRoche · Yesterday 15:54

I'm afraid YA somewhat BU, although I think it was unkind of them to not raise it with directly. Your son should not be naked outside the house unless he is a literal toddler. I actually think that they are less reasonable about the noise, though. Unless he is making noise when people are sleeping, then that's just part of having neighbours.

In a garden with tall fences? By which i mean fences tall enough for children not to see over? I am not ND but anyone who comments on what I wear in my own fenced garden can do one.

lemonts · Yesterday 15:58

x2boys · Yesterday 15:50

If Jonty has the capacity to understand what hes done the no he isnt profiundly autistic as most people will understand
I dont need a lecture about autism i
There are some autistic people who cannot function in any area of the spectrum

You do understand that you can be autistic and still have capacity right? Because you seemed to be suggesting that autistic individuals somehow lack capacity on account of their diagnosis and therefore would not be arrested or jailed. Maybe your post didn't communicate what you meant it to.

x2boys · Yesterday 15:58

lemonts · Yesterday 15:33

I am not sure you understand the concept of capacity. I refer you to the case of Jonty Bravery. Being autistic absolutely doesn't mean someone will not be arrested or jailed.

Having just googled Him hes in Broadmoor not Jail

eminthebigsmoke · Yesterday 15:58

roseymoira · Yesterday 13:37

I don’t think it’s about not understanding, it’s about them being entitled to peaceful enjoyment of their own home. I think I’d struggle to live next door to so much noise aswell, it must be intrusive for them

If they want to live in silence they can move to the countryside. If their grandkids don't want to see nudity then they can tell them to stop looking in a neighbour's garden. I don't know what they expect the OP to do here, and have no sympathy since they know about the child's diagnosis. I wonder how they would approach this if it was one of their GC's that had autism.

JenRummy · Yesterday 15:59

I can see both sides of this one.

The nakedness not acceptable. Including for DS own dignity and safety. These days you never know who’s filming or photographing and who knows what could end up online. Do you have any other neighbours?

It might have been hard for the couple to complain but they’ve clearly been impacted and not able to enjoy their own home peacefully.

Could your HA arrange a meeting? Then you can both listen to each other’s views and challenges and come to an agreement about a compromise?

ThreadGuardDog · Yesterday 15:59

PropertyD · Yesterday 15:41

The suppport isnt really there and there are people trying to manage violent behaviour until something more serious happens and they assault someone outside the home.

As for the people who say with risk assessments, proper support etc all will be dandy is deluded.

I worked alongside risk assessment for over twenty years. Trust me, if they didn’t work for the majority of the time we’d be hearing of the consequences a lot more often than we do. The problem isn’t the risk assessment itself it’s about access to services and the resources available. Needing support by no means guarantees you’ll get it.

Ladybarnaby · Yesterday 16:00

OhMyGodSusan · Yesterday 13:42

To be honest he needs to be wearing clothes when outside not being naked. That is a valid complaint.

Nobody HAS to watch him from a bedroom window, turn a blind eye!

lemonts · Yesterday 16:01

x2boys · Yesterday 15:58

Having just googled Him hes in Broadmoor not Jail

Yes he has a secure hospital order. The fact that you have just googled him explains a lot. He isn't in Broadmoor of his own volition!

x2boys · Yesterday 16:01

lemonts · Yesterday 15:58

You do understand that you can be autistic and still have capacity right? Because you seemed to be suggesting that autistic individuals somehow lack capacity on account of their diagnosis and therefore would not be arrested or jailed. Maybe your post didn't communicate what you meant it to.

I think you need to reread my posts and stop msking stuff up i didnt write Jonty Bravary is in Broadmoor not jail so there must be a very good reason for that.

Timeforachange26 · Yesterday 16:03

EveryoneLeaveMeTheFuckAlone · Yesterday 14:06

I’d rather hear children in the garden enjoying themselves than miserable old farts complaining about it!

Playing is fine Shouting and screaming is not. It's not less disturbing for neighbours whether the child has a disability or not. Doesn't reduce the decibel levelj

LahDiDahDiDah · Yesterday 16:04

Timeforachange26 · Yesterday 15:56

What do people do when out in public? Not seen many naked kids walking about

Autistic individuals—especially children—frequently strip off their clothes due to sensory discomfort, communication challenges, or a need for self-regulation.

Common Causes
Sensory Sensitivities (Hypersensitivity): Itchy tags, stiff seams, rough fabrics (like wool or heavy denim), or tight fits can cause genuine physical pain or severe sensory overload.

Sensory Seeking (Hyposensitivity): Some individuals remove clothes because they crave the feeling of air, wind, or direct tactile input against their skin.

Overheating or Body Dysregulation: Autistic individuals may struggle to regulate their internal temperature or communicate that they are too hot.

Communication Barriers: Non-verbal or speech-delayed children often use undressing as a direct action to signal distress, anxiety, or an unmet need.

Lack of Social Awareness or Impulse Control: Young children or those with developmental delays may not yet understand social norms regarding privacy and appropriate clothing in public spaces

Managing public disrobing can be highly stressful, but parents often use a combination of proactive wardrobe choices, sensory distractions, and strategic social management to handle these situations.

1.High-Security Clothing Strategies

Back-Zipper Adaptive Outfits: Many parents switch entirely to specialized adaptive clothing when going out. Brands like Special Kids Company or Kozie Clothes make onesies, jumpsuits, and bodysuits that fasten securely at the back, making it nearly impossible for the child to undress independently.
Layering with One-Piece Undergarments: Putting a snug, sleeveless bodysuit underneath regular clothes acts as an excellent secondary defense line. Even if the child manages to take off their outer shirt or trousers, they remain fully covered.
Accessory Lockdowns: Use one-piece sleeper suits or overalls. If the child targets shoes and socks first, look for high-top sneakers with locking laces or specialized socks that require a specific gripping technique to pull off.

2.Public Intervention & Tactical Prep

Pack a "Cover-Up" Go-Bag: Always carry a large, lightweight fidget poncho, sensory blanket, or oversized zip-up hoodie in your bag. If an episode begins, you can immediately wrap the child to maintain privacy while you move to a secure area.
Identify Family Restrooms Immediately: Upon entering a shopping centre, park, or venue, map out the closest unisex companion or accessible family restrooms. These private, single-occupancy spaces offer a safe, low-sensory environment to fix clothing without an audience.
The "Busy Hands" Technique: Keep the child’s hands actively engaged during transitions (like waiting in lines or walking through crowds). Give them high-input tactile fidgets, a weighted lap pad, or a preferred electronic device to redirect their motor impulses away from zippers and buttons.

3.Handling Bystanders and Public Stress

Distribute Autism Explanation Cards: When an episode occurs, explaining the situation to onlookers or store security can feel overwhelming. Many parents carry small, pre-printed cards to hand out.
Example text: "My child has autism and is currently experiencing a sensory crisis. We are handling it safely. Thank you for giving us space and understanding."
Enlist Store Staff Support: If you frequent specific local spots, proactively speak to the managers or customer service desk. Let them know your child's needs so staff can support you (e.g., opening a private changing room or bypass line) rather than calling security out of a misunderstanding.
Tunnel Vision Focus: Practice blocking out the surrounding environment. Remind yourself that your child’s safety, sensory regulation, and dignity are the absolute priorities—the opinions of passing strangers do not matter.

x2boys · Yesterday 16:05

lemonts · Yesterday 16:01

Yes he has a secure hospital order. The fact that you have just googled him explains a lot. He isn't in Broadmoor of his own volition!

I know he wull be detained under the mental health act
I cant remember what section now as its a long time since i worked in forensic mental health
But he can be kept indefinitley even when his sentence has finished and every move will be monitired by the home office .

x2boys · Yesterday 16:07

Timeforachange26 · Yesterday 15:56

What do people do when out in public? Not seen many naked kids walking about

Be on high alert at all times .

Fasthorses · Yesterday 16:10

NatureandBee · Yesterday 13:34

He’s 10

Tbh 10 years old is quite old to be regularly stark naked in the garden this would bother me too and surely you can lock the door to the garden and he cannot go out if not appropriately dressed? It would make me feel decidedly uncomfortable if when glancing out of my own bedroom window i was confronted with a naked child, i actually feel you arent safeguarding your child appropriately tbh what if a neighbour had inappropriate perversions and was watching your child!!

NatureandBee · Yesterday 16:10

godmum56 · Yesterday 15:57

In a garden with tall fences? By which i mean fences tall enough for children not to see over? I am not ND but anyone who comments on what I wear in my own fenced garden can do one.

Yes, probably about 8-9 feet high.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · Yesterday 16:11

Ladybarnaby · Yesterday 16:00

Nobody HAS to watch him from a bedroom window, turn a blind eye!

I agree, but I would be more worried about my child's dignity, esp as he is now getting older as clearly people can see into her garden. And loads of CCTV around now.

Happyjoe · Yesterday 16:12

NatureandBee · Yesterday 16:10

Yes, probably about 8-9 feet high.

Only supposed to be 6ft, unless got permission. Hope the neighbours don't complain again (hiding from you now!). 😀

Notonthestairs · Yesterday 16:13

Happyjoe · Yesterday 16:11

I agree, but I would be more worried about my child's dignity, esp as he is now getting older as clearly people can see into her garden. And loads of CCTV around now.

The Op has repeatedly said she is working on wearing clothes in his private space. That is all she can do.
Other people ACTING ILLEGALLY is not for her to concern herself with.